Is it easier to talk to your mom or at school?
Or it's the same?
You see this fear overcome her.
She's not talking to anybody in school.
It's affected her whole life.
It's been very, very difficult.
The only way to get over selective mutism is to confront it.
And to confront the situation with me, I was anxious.
Part of you is telling yourself to go and do it
but then you say you can't.
I felt like this week is make or break it.
We need this right now and we need it to be successful.
I want their lives to change from it.
So there is always a part of me that's worried that their lives
are not going to change enough.
Welcome to We Speak!
CHEERING
All of you guys are here because in one way or another,
anxiety is impacting your life.
Selective mutism is an anxiety disorder where kids have difficulty
talking in certain situations, so they look like normal kids
at home and when they are in a state of anxiety, then they just kind
of shut down and freeze.
And are unable to respond.
A lot of them can't actually ask to go to the bathroom.
I've seen, actually, older kids who have had
accidents in school.
So, for a shy kid, they are slow to warm up, but this is not
the case with kids with SM.
In fact, it's actually the opposite.
So for kids with SM, the longer that they go
without talking, then the harder it is to start talking.
We've got to work for our prizes...
Annalisa is very funny.
I wish people could see that, you know?
She is, at home, a typical teenager.
But then, when she leaves the house, everything changes.
Is your name Annalisa, Lexi or Shelley?
There is a physical transformation that comes about.
It's so difficult to watch.
Because you see this fear overcome her, but they want to be invisible.
Is it easier to talk to your mom or at school?
She has had selective mutism basically her whole life.
Diagnosed at the age of five.
I went home and googled it.
And then cried.
Because...
Sorry.
Because I realised she was different and it wasn't just shyness.
And it's affected her whole life.
It's very, very difficult.
I'm hoping that she'll be able to lead a normal life.
Get married, have children, have a job, go to college.
But a lot of that hangs in the balance over will
she be able to talk?
Do we conquer anxiety by doing the thing that makes us anxious?
The cause of selective mutism is kind of a combination
of environment and genetics.
There's often one or both parents who also have a history of anxiety.
And parents, they'll kind of jump in and either answer
for the child or they might say, "It's OK, honey,
you don't need to answer."
So through that process, the child is actually learning
to avoid the situations that make them anxious.
Until it really becomes an ingrained pattern.
What is your name?
OK, can we try saying it a little bit louder?
Rhianna. Rhianna?
OK.
And where do you live? Vancouver.
In Vancouver?
We have each of the kids make a video in advance
and send it to us.
For many of them, you wouldn't even know that they have selective
mutism from the video.
Hi, I'm Bran.
I live on a farm.
Who do you find it easiest to talk to?
Your parents?
At home, with us, she is quite outgoing.
And very chatty.
I guess from the age of three, it was a pivotal moment.
We just thought it was a typical case of her being shy.
Do you like homework? Well, it depends.
Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.
She actually stepped off into this pond.
And most kids would have splashed, kicked, gone crazy.
She sank.
It was only two feet deep.
It was only knee-deep but she just froze and lay there at the bottom.
So we started to think, OK, she can't keep yourself safe.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
Be a vet, a veterinarian?
Yeah?
Each day you are going to play Jenga for just 15
minutes in the beginning.
In another small step.
So, on video games, you can tell your parents, excuse me,
I'm just trying to learn problem-solving skills here.
James talks to me and his dad and his brother and my parents.
That's really it.
Nobody at school.
Let's jump out!
It's very hard.
At points you feel angry because you don't know how
to help him and when there is no help out there and no one knows
what to do and the teachers think he is just defiant and just doesn't
want to speak and you know it's not true.
I feel like this week is make or break it.
I don't want to say our last chance because I would hate to say that.
But I really do think we need this right now and we need
it to be successful.
Chelsea is going to ask you the question as yes or no.
Make sense to you?
Hand down.
Yes, beautiful.
Every kid's presentation is completely different.
We also have kids in there who are very comfortable talking
to adults and then with peers, you see a different child.
30 seconds, go, go, go!
Not yet, no toppings yet, just flavours!
Is it harder to talk to family or at school?
At school. At school.
Is it harder to talk to the kids at school or teachers?
The kids. The kids.
Emily's talking at school and doing what she needs
to do to get through the day.
But she's not herself at school.
There's a lot of personality that isn't really shining through.
It's raining! It's pouring!
She's only doing the bare minimum so she answers
questions if people ask her,
she doesn't initiate conversations.
It's like a lump in your throat and part of you is telling yourself
to go and do it but part of you is saying you can't.
It's hard to.
Sometimes I actually can't do it.
I think my biggest fear in all of these is that they're not
going to get out of it what I am hoping for them.
It's a lot that parents are investing in.
I want their lives to change.
What is it?
Red Hot Chilli Peppers!
Pretty good team name!
We are about to go do a scavenger hunt at a local market and the kids
are going to be asking employees where different ingredients are.
I remember when I used to go grocery shopping...
Yes, do you like to go grocery shopping?
You say, "Yes, I like to go grocery shopping."
It can be really hard for these kids to do a normal thing
like going into a grocery store because it's an unexpected place.
A normal compliment could be really anxiety inducing
because they're like, "OK, now I'm expected to respond."
Here, I am an employee that works here, I'm just loading some
cookies onto a shelf.
And then you ask...
Where are the jalapenos?
Awesome job!
So, for Annalisa, currently at one word responses,
I can feed her a line of, like, you could ask me this,
and then she will ask me that back.
But no spontaneous utterances thus far.
I had SM when I was a kid.
I really relate to these kids on so many levels so it's hard
for me sometimes to push them too far because I know exactly
how they're feeling.
You can ask the question here.
In the produce aisle, awesome.
Great job asking, that was so awesome and clear.
Thank you very much.
Was it harder or easier to ask the question to the clerk
or to practice with me?
Did it feel a little scary or really scary?
You don't know.
Was it... Answer if it was easy or hard.
It is a challenge to accept Madison because she thinks somebody isn't
doing what they should be doing.
Meeting parents that are also dealing with selective
mutism has been almost like life-changing for me.
It's just great to hear other people say that these
are the same struggles.
Their child can't get up to go to the bathroom,
their child does this or that, that changed us.
It just makes you feel better to hear that you're not crazy.
You may not know how to ask about the facts and side-effects.
Well, that's really what treatment is about, it's about practising
things that make us anxious.
Really, the kids at this stage, they don't really know why they're
scared of talking to other people.
I couldn't tell you what I was afraid of when I was five
and I think most of these kids don't really know
that the only way to get over selective mutism is to confront
it and confront the situations that make us anxious.
What I said was either sit down...
Sometimes I ask parents to read letters to the kids.
Because they don't have to deal with the interpersonal stuff,
they can read it and reread it...
People say, what's the research evidence for this?
We're not quite there to be able to say, you can take to the bank,
this is going to work.
But we are confident about tweaking the programme to make it work.
For us, it's getting the parents to do what we do.
That's our challenge.
So I don't think of this week as a therapy, I think of it
as teaching the therapist how to do the therapy.
And it's very daunting because there is this turning
point when they realise, oh, so I'm literally going to have
to do this every day or every week?
And the answer is, yes, relentlessly.
This afternoon, our group is going to Battery Park,
so all of the kids will be communicating with each other
and with someone else out in the community.
So this should be exciting!
If you eventually ask, then he will probably say no.
So just say, let's ask.
As a mum, to see James struggling, it's hard.
It's very stressful and produces great anxiety in me because we're
watching this child who I know can talk and I know he wants to talk
and he just can't get it out.
I've asked before, "where are your words?
Why can't you get your words out?"
And he will say "they're stuck in my head.
I can't get it out."
When his words get stuck in his head, my anxiety level really
does increase and I feel like I want to grab him and hug him
and make it all better.
One, two, three. Great job!
Do you ever worry that it's too much?
The treatment for anxious kids is putting them in situations that
make them anxious and actually facing their fears.
We need them to actually experience the anxiety in these situations
and get through it for them to see that they can.
What is that?
Statue of Liberty, yeah!
We've got a question, we are looking for South Street Seaport.
You see a kid like Breanna, who wants to be around other kids
and you can just see them wanting to talk and wanting
to build that relationship.
Great, one more time?
Have you been here before?
No.
Go ahead and ask.
Ask a little bit louder.
What's your favourite colour?
Obviously, we would love to get her out of her whisper
but the whisper is really secondary.
The first step is just getting them talking
and expanding their talking to other situations and other people.
We would love for James to have just a friend to talk to.
He can't go through life alone.
So hopefully he can find one person to play with and one
person to speak to.
I can't imagine going through life and not having a friend.
You want to try to do...
I make a statement and you guys ask something back to me
and then back to you...
A lot of these kids just really can't have a simple
conversation with another peer.
And so the last couple of days is going to be a lot
of work around that.
If we're hanging out
and I say...
"I can't wait for my vacation in a couple of weeks."
Talk about what you guys would say or ask back to me.
I want to learn how to go up to people because sometimes I want
more friends than I have.
I prefer to be inside because it's more peaceful.
I like to watch TV and stay inside.
When was the last time you had a conversation like that,
with two people that you don't really know?
It's been a while!
How long is a while?
A couple of years.
Do you want to stay in touch with Emily after We Speak?
Yeah.
What did you do that was really cool?
I hung out with other kids.
You hung out with other kids outside of We Speak.
And this was for the partner project.
Annalisa blows me away.
You know how anxious she is, you know what it's like for her
and she was just up there in front of an entire class.
Did you guys go to the museum with your parents or
without your parents?
Without.
Without your parents.
Did you guys talk in the museum or were you silent?
We talked about the flavours on the High Line.
We then talked about the flavours we love.
Everyone could hear her and she answered everyone's questions.
APPLAUSE.
You become very attached to them.
You become very invested in them.
And once you start to see them make progress,
you want to keep going with them.
Every one of them, just work and try new things and face their fears.
Annalisa.
APPLAUSE.
I'm so lucky to get to hang out with her.
We made a million bracelets together!
Annalisa, I don't believe talks to anybody in school.
So if she is able to start the new school year able
to raise her hand and say here, then the kids in the class
know that she can talk.
That would be the first time the kids in the class
ever hear her voice.
That is massive progress.
I have to say, when I saw her little presentation, it almost
brought tears to my eyes.
I was very happy.
I know that she's going to work really hard and I'm very
confident that going forward, this is a new chapter in her life.
Emily.
APPLAUSE.
I am proudest of her today for helping to facilitate conversation.
How would you feel if I told you that Emily today kind of lead
a conversation in front of the other girls?
I am surprised and thrilled.
Hopefully it means she realises that she can do it and that she can
go back to school and have conversations.
Don't act like you didn't do it, take credit for it!
How does that feel, having done that today?
It feels good.
And exciting.
This is not a cure for these kids.
This is the start of their journey to overcome and challenge their SM.
What would it be like if everyone could hear you talking out loud?
I don't know.
I think she'll probably start by texting, which is great.
She's never done that, either.
It seems minor but it's a big deal!
Shake hands!
Amazing!
We were being fully engaged and playing Monopoly.
James' mom actually emailed me last night and she said that James
and Breanna were emailing each other back and forth last night.
Several exchanges about their shared interests.
So this is it, this is what it's all about.
I never thought that James would be able to stand up at the end.
Just even standing in front of 20 parents and getting
a certificate, not speaking.
I mean, that was impressive.
I was concerned that he might not speak.
It does look like they are tiny steps, but in reality
for James, they are huge, enormous, great leaps.