Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Ken Dodd!
APPLAUSE AND UPBEAT MUSIC
Have we got a show for you tonight!
Have we got a show for them?
When it comes to comedians, he stands alone.
There's no-one. It's not "Doddy or". It's just Doddy.
What a beautiful day for taking all your clothes off,
strapping your legs round the back of your neck and shouting,
"How's this for an oven-ready turkey?" LAUGHTER
I would rate Ken as the highest in the country.
There's a top level and Ken is in that top level.
Are you all in a good mood? AUDIENCE: Yes!
Good. Lend us a quid.
He is one of the best comedians that we've ever produced in this country.
I am Kenneth Arthur Dodd, artist, model and failed accountant.
LAUGHTER This...
Ken Dodd, you're not a comic.
You're some incredible national phenomenon.
I used to think I was marvellous in bed.
Then I found out all my girlfriends had asthma.
There's never been a comedian like Ken Dodd
and there never will be another one. He's so unique.
Ooh! Tittle down. Did you see that? I'll do that again. This lady seemed to like it.
I've practically wet myself several times,
because I can't go to the loo and miss a joke.
Let's all say that together, time matters not one jot.
ALL: Time matters not one jot.
I'll ask you again in about six hours' time.
He's very nearly 90.
He's tireless, isn't he?
Do you know, I always feel at home in theatres like this,
cos we're about the same age.
LAUGHTER
For me, Ken Dodd is our greatest living comedian.
My brother-in-law, he's crackers.
You know what he did last week, my brother-in-law?
He did one of these loft conversions. The people in the flat above went barmy.
It's crackers, but it's funny!
By Jove, folks.
What a beautiful day.
What a beautiful day for...
It's you, isn't it? Yes.
It's good to see you. How are you?
I'm fine. Fine, yeah, yeah.
We're here to tell you, tell you a story.
Everybody has a story to tell.
This is my story.
A few days ago, the boss of television...
You know, him.
The great him, you know, the inscrutable him, said, "Now, er...
"Thingy. You, you.
"Can you say a few words?"
Can I say a few words?!
You're joking, of course.
Well, what kind of childhood did you have, Ken?
Very happy. Was it? Yes, very, very happy. I think I had the best,
best mum and dad in the world, and brother and sister.
There was three us, one of each.
LAUGHTER
And my mum and dad, I had a little Diddyman daddy,
and a little mini-mum.
We were poor but we were happy.
We could never afford meat pies.
I'll never forget the times when my mother would treat us
by putting a crust over the dustbin.
LAUGHTER
I never heard him actively sort of moan about his lot.
Erm...
And I think he wants to live in a world where people are contented.
They may not be but I think he wants to create that world around him.
I'm going to say something now, ladies and gentlemen, that...
You're going to be flabbergasted. Really, you will. You'll say,
"My, my, we can hardly believe that".
LAUGHTER
I...
I wasn't a pretty baby.
LAUGHTER
My, my...
Oh, come on! Be a bit more convincing, will you?
I had a marvellous, wonderful mother and father,
Arthur and Sarah, who worked so very hard.
My mother used to pack my case and say, "Kenny,
"I don't care where you go, as long as you wear a clean shirt".
I think my mother loved me.
But mothers do, don't they?
Hands up all the mothers in the audience who've got ugly children.
You see, there's not many, are there?
LAUGHTER
I was a bottle baby.
My mother said she liked me as a friend, but it had to stop there.
LAUGHTER Yes.
A lot of people often say, "Who's your favourite comic?"
Who's the comedian you modelled yourself... It's my dad.
Really? Definitely.
He was a funny man, the funniest man I ever knew.
I think my dad liked me. My dad used to throw me up in the air,
then go outside for a smoke. And one day...
LAUGHTER
My dad used to take the entire family
all down to this little variety theatre,
the Shakespeare Theatre of Varieties.
It was a beautiful aroma...
Mmm. Of oranges, liquorice allsorts.. HE SNIFFS
..humbugs and cigar smoke.
The curtain would rise and this scene would be revealed.
It was a bit like Heaven.
This man would come on and he'd shout...
No microphones, he would shout jokes at the audience.
And everybody was happy.
And I thought, "Yes, that's what I'd like to do".
I first became, I first became interested in show business when my dad
took me out with him to see a show.
I said, "Dad, one day, I'm going to be up there like them!"
He said "Don't be daft, son, you haven't got the legs to be a stripper".
LAUGHTER
I really was fascinated by the ventriloquists, wasn't I? 'Yes.'
For a Christmas present,
my mum and dad bought me a ventriloquial figure.
I called him Charlie Brown. Which was...
That was a bit silly because
you're not supposed to use Bs or Ps, you see.
For my first script, it used to be something like...
Good evening. 'Good evening.' I believe your name's Charlie?
'Yes, cock.' Cock? When you talk to me, you've got to say sir.
'Sir?' Yes. 'Yes, sir, cock.'
I'm still using it now!
'Yes, cock.'
Pardon? 'Yes, cock.'
When you talk to me, you must say sir.
'Sir?' Yes. 'Yes, sir, cock.'
LAUGHTER
The very first show I ever did was on a Christmas Day
at St Edmund's Orphanage, just up the road in Knotty Ash.
My dad wrote the script, didn't he?
'Yes.' And I, I did a show for the little orphan boys.
The Father Superior was quite pleased.
He took me around to his office and he gave me half a crown.
My first fee!
What about school? Were you, were you a funny lad at school?
Were you different? Um...
LAUGHTER Oh, yes.
Yes. A bit difficult, this, you know.
You see, on one hand, I'm trying to answer you with a sensible remark,
and on the other hand, the brain, the computer,
it takes over and you start to think of the funny ones.
Yes, I went to... I was the teacher's pet.
I used to sit in a cage in the back of the classroom.
LAUGHTER
I always liked to do things different.
I used to walk backwards to school, just to see if it could be done.
I've still got the lump on the back of my head to prove it.
This, this is the playground at the infants' school.
This was my favourite subject, playtime.
That and singing. Singing in the choir of St John's Church.
And I left school. I used to wring out wash leathers for the one-armed
window cleaner. And then, then I did go into my father's coal business.
My father was a coal merchant in the days when people used to use coal
for cooking and for keeping warm.
He talked to me a bit about having been a coal delivery boy.
That just was amazing.
My brother Billy and I,
we ran the coal business for about ten years.
I had muscles in those days.
And we were out selling coal one day in a district called Old Swan,
and this lady stuck her head out of the eighth story of a block of flats
and shouted, "You-ee". You see, Billy said to me, "You take this.
"It will be good experience for your back".
So the horse and cart to the side of the road, backed up,
got the bag of coal up and away I went.
Got up the first flight.
Keep breathing the oxygen.
Got up the second flight. My metatarsals were throbbing.
They're the ones there. Got up the third flight,
it's the heaviest bag of coal I've ever carried.
Got up the fourth flight, my knees were buckling from under me.
Go up the fifth flight, I turned round,
I found I had the horse by the ears. LAUGHTER
Then I, I decided I wanted a little business of my own.
So I went out on what they call "on the knocker."
Selling things. "Good morning, madam.
"Could I interest you in a bucket?"
Doddy was renowned for doing his club work when he was a young man
and then going out and doing door-to-door selling
of Aunt Sally or something.
You know, he's always been a grafter.
All my life, I've always sold things and served, you know,
tried to serve, being of service to the public. And I still am.
Whereas at one time, I used to have a bucket and...
pan round, now I have a tickler.
A laughter round? Aye. Yeah.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you very much. Thank you.
Oh, yes.
Oh, lovely.
Hot and sweet. She is.
My dad used to say,
"Don't believe everything you hear.
"Take everything with a pinch of salt".
He made terrible tea.
Oh, it was horrible!
There's an old saying in show business,
always be nice to the people who you meet on the way up...
..because you're going to meet them again
on the way down.
From the very beginning in show business, I knew,
I knew that show business was the life for me.
Yes. After all, anything was better than working.
During the daytime, I was a salesman.
"Good morning, madam."
And in the evenings, I was trying to be a comedian.
It took me years to make the big time in show business,
years of working the Northern clubs,
and I've still got the ferret bites round my hat.
One day I met a man called Dave Forrester,
who was a legend of an agent and negotiator.
We had an interview at the Adelphi Hotel.
We had tea and cakes.
The bill came to three and six and he let me pay,
I thought it was very good,
and I said to him, what sort of a chance did he think I'd stand?
"Oh," he said, "I've no idea, I've never seen you work, son."
So I tore the contract up. He said, "What are you doing?"
I said, "If you haven't got enough faith to come and see me work,
"I haven't got no faith to let you run the rest of my life for me."
He said, "Where are you appearing next?
"Where have you got a good show?"
I said, "Well, I have got a week's engagement
"to perform at the Wigan Hippodrome."
And on the strength of that, I signed a contract with him.
I saw him first of all in variety, in an ordinary sort of variety bill,
not top of the bill, but I mean it was a sensation.
For me, it was a new approach to that sort of comedy.
This madman who came out, you know.
What a beautiful day. What a beautiful day for bouncing
up and down in a big barrel of blancmange.
A beautiful day for sending a fathers' day card to a monastery.
Or, you know...
It was the morning I took my 11-plus. My father said,
"Last night I was at a club in Liverpool and I saw this absolutely
"brilliant young comedian, and, son, I've got his autograph for you."
It was quite a shocking photograph, as the visage as we now know it,
with his hair up and his teeth deliberately prominent, and I,
as a ten-year-old child, I thought, "Wow."
And, of course, I've been thinking wow ever since.
Tonight, ladies and gentlemen,
I feel absolutely tuttifilarious and full of plumptiousness.
I do, it makes me absolutely discommiterated to see that so many
of you have turned up for the free soup.
The only man in existence today, I would think,
who became famous by live performance.
It was purely the old cliche, he put bums on seats,
and that is why he became a star, because people couldn't keep away.
But what were you like in those younger days?
Were you very frantic? Yes, yes,
what I lacked in sort of skill I tried to make up for in enthusiasm.
'I don't think that's such a bad thing.
'I love enthusiasm, I love anybody who really gets stuck into it,
'into a job.'
The one talent that you need in show business more than
anything else, you can be the world's greatest dancer, singer,
impressionist, but the one thing you need more than anything else
in show business is enthusiasm and heart.
My Auntie Nelly, my Auntie Nelly, my big Auntie Nelly,
she was down at the beach, my big Auntie Nelly.
The man from Blackpool Corporation said,
"Missus, would you mind getting off the beach please,
"the tide's waiting to come in." She was hugely big, big.
'I started'
being a professional comedian in 1954
and within ten years, I was starring at the London Palladium,
which wasn't bad.
He could not be ignored.
He was filling theatres all over the country.
And he went to the Palladium and he filled that too.
He was a legend when he arrived at the Palladium.
They said, "He's marvellous..."
And people came down on coach trips to see Ken at the home of variety.
And he was perfect for it, perfect for it.
'Variety and food and personalities as the Variety Club presents
'its annual showbiz awards.
'Ken Dodd, show business personality of 1965.'
The Palladium is the temple, the Mecca of show business.
In 1965, I did the longest run ever, 42-and-a-half weeks, twice nightly,
three times on Saturday.
When I was young, I could do it then.
I had muscles.
I'm at the Palladium, I'm trying to be a big success in music hall.
I'll ask you about that briefly.
Why did you sort of delay your West End appearance, as it were, so long?
My best suit was at the cleaners.
It was a very daunting experience.
Because Northern comics did not always get a good press
down in London.
Lots of very famous comedians had...well, died there.
He was the greatest comedian of his time.
In the period he came through, he was the king.
He filled the London Palladium for, was it 42 weeks?
That's a London theatre with a Northern, Liverpool comedian.
To the best of my knowledge, nobody has ever done that and it's hard to
imagine anybody ever doing it again.
I was a young reporter in my late teens
and I'd heard him on the radio
and I bought tickets to go to the Palladium to see him.
And sat there and was
just paralytic laughing.
And went three, four, five times to see him, again and again.
You also have happy memories of the Palladium.
You played 25 years ago.
I played the Palladium in 1965, for 42 weeks, and again in 1967.
Same act? Several times.
Same act? It wasn't the same show.
Same gags? Went on a bit though. I've marvellous memories, yes,
all sorts of famous people, lovely people came to see me.
People like Bob Hope, Bing Crosby, Red Skelton, John Osborne,
Harold Wilson. All the comedians.
All the great comics.
I've actually stood on the stage of the Palladium,
I've told jokes to Bob Hope,
and I've sung songs to Bing Crosby.
It's a great memory.
Yes indeed.
'Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Ken Dodd.'
APPLAUSE
In comedy, generally, you do have to get the audience early.
Certainly best not to leave it too late.
The minute he comes onto the stage,
he feels the warmth of those lights and
tastes the audience out there.
He lights up from inside.
It's almost a spiritual thing.
He doesn't have to do that first 30 seconds,
well, certainly, he's got me before it begins.
I'm looking at the ticket and I'm laughing.
"It's Ken Dodd."
We watch you coming in, you know. We peep through the curtains.
We saw you all staggering along the South Bank, all using your inhalers.
Elastic stockings flapping in the breeze.
He doesn't take the audience for granted.
He knows they've paid to come and see him.
He knows they'll want to come and see him and he delivers, doesn't he?
He delivers them a show that's going to make them happy.
By Jove, what a beautiful day, what a beautiful day
for filling your wife's tights up with custard and...
..trifling with her affections.
From an oldies' point of view, they see him as a friend,
relation, a funny uncle, grandad, that sort,
especially as he's got older now.
Ken has this gift of making the whole audience into a family,
so you do feel that you're part of the performance as well.
And I think that's why he has a special place in people's hearts.
He's one of us, that's how we used to feel.
Max used to walk on, Max Miller,
and the first thing he did when he walked on was look straight up
to the gallery and include them,
and then the rich people and the people down the front had to come
along, but that's where he aimed,
and that's where Ken does, he looks up there,
finds one laugh, one laugher,
and that's it and it's like dropping a pebble into a pool.
It goes out like that and the laughter spreads.
Ladies and gentlemen, my Lord Mayor, Lady Mayoress,
Alderman Tickle.
Chairman of the Ways and Means Committee, president of the sewage...
HE SNIFFS Hi-de-ho.
LAUGHTER
Gladys from the chip shop.
An audience is a wonderful thing.
You play the audience like you play an instrument.
You know where all the hot spots are.
LAUGHTER
Where you need to cool them down.
LAUGHTER
A little bit more coaching here because they're a bit cold.
There's two ways of doing the show.
You can either do a show at the audience or with the audience.
With the audience is the right way.
The first thing you do is build a bridge.
You build a bridge from the stage into the audience.
Don't forget, when you watch a theatre show you are not just watching it,
you are in it, you are taking part in it,
so I have to make them all members of the cast right away.
What a beautiful building this is.
I'm sorry, madam!
LAUGHTER
Oh! There's another one.
These two beautiful girls.
This young lady here is on the peanut and melon diet.
The peanuts aren't working, but by God...!
LAUGHTER
I'm not on my own, I have got a straight man.
The audience. I use the audience as Mrs and sir, and by Jove, sir.
"I'll talk to you, sir, you look sensible.
"This gentleman is fast asleep. Give him a knock, will you?
"Sir, I put it to you, you put it to me and I'll put it to him.
"Where are you going to put it?"
First of all, ladies and gentlemen,
I'd like to say how tickled I am,
how tickled I am by all this goodwill.
What about you, missus? Have you been tickled by goodwill?
He involves the audience.
"What a lovely day, missus. How are you, missus?"
And he's questioning all the time,
but he's interested in people, he's interested in his audience.
How tickled I am by the fruits of my labours.
What about you, missus,
do you ever get tickled by the fruits of your labours?
Your husband is a greengrocer.
Oh, well. You want to watch him.
You'll end up as a Granny Smith. People...
It's all that tradition of "all right, missus, and da-da-da,"
which is great, so you are kind of imagining these people
he is pointing at in the audience.
Oh, yes. Did you feel a tingle as you came in, missus?
It should have gone right through to your corsets.
You did. Well, come and see me after the show.
Just make sure you are properly earthed.
He is doing one-liners and then he will do a bit of stuff pointing at
someone in the audience and
you are still getting punch line, punch line, punch line.
You are literally pinned in the corner of the ring
as an audience being pummelled.
Tonight, we've got artists from all the four corners of the Jobcentre.
We've got an Irish rabbi, Hymie O'Blimey.
He is just bang, bang, bang, bang.
A Chinese fire eater, Bernie Tong.
A fantastic contortionist, Willie Snappit.
He goes wham, onto the next one, you know,
before you've recovered from the last one.
A saucy Russian striptease lady, Eva Vestoff.
I'll keep going until I find something you like.
LAUGHTER
Doddy is at you like a machinegun
and he can shoot me any time.
My job is to make you happy, to make you feel full of goodwill.
How tickled I am by goodwill,
have you been tickled by goodwill, missus?
Good old Willie.
Scandinavians, big, hairy great Danes
with horns growing out of their hats.
Bacon sandwiches strapped to their legs.
Roaming all round Yorkshire
offering housewives free rashers.
No, I've no idea what day he's round, love.
One of my great joys when I was in that business
would be to find a little
nook to stand in at the side of the auditorium where I could,
out of the corner of this eye, I could see Ken working his magic.
But basically, I'm watching the audience.
And it is one of the most joyous sights you could imagine,
watching an audience, hanging on his every look, his every gesture,
his every word.
The audience is in hysteria.
Me too, I'm just completely helpless.
You tonight, you are the most wonderful, charming, loving,
caring audience I've ever had the honour and privilege of playing to.
With, for...
..at,
against.
LAUGHTER
The Museum of Liverpool.
Some of my jokes are in there.
Some of the good ones.
I'm giving you a good go here, a good tour.
I wouldn't do this for everybody.
There will be a small charge.
This is Lime Street station, folks.
Arrivals, where people arrive.
When people travel to Liverpool they always say,
"I'll meet you at the station, I'll meet you at the statue of er...
"Thingy, you know."
A statue, by Jove, yes.
They only usually give these to you when you are...
He's better looking than me.
The great comics are always visually funny.
Someone said the definition of a great comic is he or she makes you
laugh before they have said a word. They come on stage and there is
something about them that makes them seem funny.
Mush!
Some performers, some entertainers, come on the stage in the Dickie bow,
the velvet collar, the frilly shirts and all like that.
Doddy comes on, he's eccentric.
He could be anything.
How many comedians can one think of today who would actually begin
an act as he did at the Playhouse
with a spotlit image of his teeth?
I swear this is true.
All you saw as you went in was black surrounds and Ken's teeth.
When you have perfect features...
LAUGHTER
Sorry, I was laughing at Barry.
You see, when you have a Grecian profile like mine...
Look, what do you think?
LAUGHTER
It's very good.
I think it's very winsome.
Yes? Yes. Winston?
No, winsome.
It's a dog food. It's a dog food, is it? Oh!
LAUGHTER
He's started early.
Ken is funny looking, isn't he?
Even he would agree with that.
He's got funny teeth and funny hair.
And so he's got that added advantage
that when he comes out he looks funny.
I'm a one-off.
The doctors said there is nothing you can do about it.
LAUGHTER
I wanted to be an original,
so I capitalised on the teeth and the hair and I said,
"I'm the only one who can eat a tomato through a tennis racket.
"I'm the only one who can kiss a girl
"and nibble her ear at the same time."
Halloween is the busiest time for me
because people queue up to rent my face for parties.
LAUGHTER
Who put that one in?
He doesn't dwell on his vulnerabilities.
He might say, "With his teeth," and make fun of how he looks,
but he doesn't ask for sympathy ever.
I think he's quite sharp about that.
I wasn't a very pretty baby.
I suppose that surprises you really.
When I was born, the midwife held me up by my legs,
slapped me face and punched me dad.
I think a lot of comics...
Comedy is very different obviously,
but they look very sombre to me in comparison to Ken Dodd.
Jimmy Carr, wonderful comic, but when he comes on,
you don't laugh because he looks funny, you laugh when he tells gags.
Ken always hit the audience between the eyes straight away.
LAUGHTER
'The same dentist said to me,'
"That's it, Ken,
"there's nothing else I can do unless you want them straightened."
I said, "You're kidding.
"I was told when I was 11 I could never have nice teeth."
"Oh," he said, "I would fix those." So I was in a dilemma.
I had to go around asking everyone,
"Should I have my teeth straightened?"
"No, leave it as it is, we've got to have something to laugh at."
I think Ken's appearance is important to the quirkiness of his
character and he knows that, that is why he plays on it.
His buck teeth.
I think if, I remember rightly, he said he went over his handlebars
on his push-bike when he was a kid which pushed them out.
Whether that is true or not, I don't know,
but I know his hair is a huge thing to him.
We have always thought it might be a good question to put to
Mr Kenneth Dodd and the members of The Beatles
to what extent do they contribute their success to their hairstyles?
And we'll start by asking that question now of Mr Ken Dodd.
The hairstyle, I think it has a great deal to do with my...
With my what? Success? Your hairstyle.
Oh, yes. Well, I think so, yes.
I like to keep it in trim,
I eat a lot of shredded wheat because it's good for the hair.
I have it cut twice a year whether I need it or not,
short back and sides and a bit off the shoulders.
What do you feel about the boys?
I think it's a wonderful style.
Because they're different than me, with them being Martians...
And he's always playing with it on stage as well because he knows it's
part of his character to do that with it all the time.
If you are in his dressing room before he starts a show,
he sticks his hand in a bit of stuff and that's it, it's up.
He doesn't spend any time on it, he doesn't need to,
he knows that does it. He's had that hair for 90 years,
he knows how it works.
All right, let's turn the tables now.
Boys, what do you think of Mr Ken Dodd?
Great, he's marvellous.
Lovely hair.
Hair is lovely.
We call it 'her' in Liverpool we always said Judy with the 'fur her.'
LAUGHTER
A fellow went into one of those shops once in Liverpool
where they sell those minks and things and he says,
"Give us one of those hairy coats."
"I beg your pardon, sir, what fur?"
He said, "For the Judy, who do you think?"
I think the teeth and the hair, all the gimmicks.
I think you have to have them,
you definitely have to have the gimmicks.
Doddy, when he walks in with his hair,
you'd think he'd come on a motorbike because it's everywhere.
But he'll use that.
He'll say,
"What do you think of me hair?"
He'll knock himself.
He'll take the mickey out of himself and stuff like that.
I think with a comic, a comic has to realise very early on
when you start out being a comic, you have to learn to let people
laugh at you as well as with you.
So you have to learn to take it all in your stride.
I've been given a miraculous gift.
I've been able to amuse people.
The gift of making people smile, the gift of making people laugh,
I've been very, very...
I used to say I was only very lucky.
No, I was very, very blessed. Yeah.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Nobody seemed, at that time, to dress up particularly to come on,
but he was in this ludicrous costume and everything like that.
And the patter fitted what he looked like. It was clever.
Hi there, funny folk. Are you feeling funny?
AUDIENCE: Yes!
Tonight's show, folks, is all about love and romance.
I love it when he sings Granada, as he has always done,
still does I'm sure.
He wears a strange Spanish hat with lots of ping-pong balls
hanging from it. And as he sings the song,
he takes the ping-pong balls and bats them out to the audience.
SPANISH MUSIC
Oh!
40-0.
It was your own fault for having your mouth open.
The amount of costumes... He has some great costumes,
whether it be the great big, furry coats,
whether he's got the khaki shorts on,
he has always said to me, "Knees are funny, boy."
He made himself look funny. When he comes on with the big drum,
he did silly things
and with the false legs and all of this, you know.
HE SINGS
Marvellous props.
And anything to get a laugh.
I think that's Ken's real motto.
# And it's boots, boots, boots, boots
# Marching into Africa
# Boots, boots, boots, boots
# Marching into Africa... #
LAUGHTER
Got any more?
I've seen Doddy come on the stage with a safari outfit,
with a pith helmet, and banging a bass drum and stuff like that.
And again, ludicrous stuff. He said,
"If you're in the middle of London and you don't know what time it is
"in the middle of the night, just get a bass and go bang, bang, bang.
"Someone will open the window and go "What are you banging that drum for
"at five past three in the morning?"
Oh, I love a drum. You can't beat them.
Well, you have to beat them, actually.
I never go anywhere without me drum.
I love dashing into Tesco's and shouting, "I want 4p off."
You wouldn't believe the special offers I've had.
# I lost my eye in the Army
# I lost my leg in the Navy
# I lost... in the butcher's shop
# But I found it in the gravy. #
It's ludicrous, but it's funny.
# Of all the girls I've... BANGS DRUM
# ..before. #
LAUGHTER
# Girls were made to love and... BANGS DRUM
# I could have... BANGS DRUM
# ..all-night. #
But years ago.
He used to come on, I remember,
in a very long floor-length maxi coat, red.
And he'd look at the audience and say, "Yes, what is it?
"28 moggies," or something like that.
So the costume, before it started,
you knew you were in the presence of someone who'd make you laugh.
First of all, folks, I'd like to say how tickled I am
here in my hairy, furry coat. Did you hear me, missus? Hairy, furry.
Genuine moggy skin, this one.
Moggy skin. Pussycats.
It took 28 moggies to make this.
All toms.
You establish your status as an act by how you initially appear,
so some acts walk out in a huge, arms out kind of way.
There's a lot of comics in their 20s come out in jeans because, you know,
"Why would I bother? I'm just talking."
But he comes out in this, like, frock coat of a thing and it is,
like, this is wrong. This is not...
This is... You're subverting society's norms already here, Ken,
and therefore, I don't know what to expect, and so, therefore,
with that expectation turned over,
I'm ready to be prodded and made to laugh in ways
because you have created a sense of cognitive dissonance.
You could think about this stuff too much.
It's just a funny coat!
I want you to take this coat, if you will. Thank you.
You get these suits by sending away
the tops of 12 Bird's Custard packets.
He used to wear a yellow custard suit, which I...
And a red moggy coat.
He'd say, "Look, I'm funny, there's a yellow suit.
"I've got a big red coat on. I'm now going to tell stories
"which, hopefully, will make you laugh." And they do.
And this is... Oh, it's a lovely coat.
This is my moggy skin coat, you see?
Moggy skin. Yes. The most expensive dressing room in the business,
I've got, mate. So the moggy... What are you doing? I'm just...
Don't be nervous. It's from the moggy ranch, isn't it?
You've got me...!
LAUGHTER
Listen, how's that? There we are. Lovely.
You see, you've always got to look the part.
Yes. Where's me tickling sticks?
Where's me tickler? Here you are. There you go.
These are fluffy ones. There we are, and we are all ready.
You have yours. I'm not coming on with you.
After me, say, "How tickled I am."
How tickled I am. By Jove!
LAUGHTER
People often say, "Where did the tickling stick come from?"
Well, it really is, it's part of a jester's prop.
Mostly, I use these because when you first go onto a stage, one of the
most difficult things to do is to keep your hands to yourself.
You start...thrashing around like a windmill.
So it's better if you have something that keeps you static.
So the tickling... Some people say, "Is it a sex symbol?"
Well, I say, "No, no. I think that's a fallacy."
Who'd think of having a tickling stick?
You know, coming on stage with a...
If anyone done that now, they'd think, "He's mad. What's he doing?"
Oh, tickle that. Did you see that?
I'll do it again. This lady seemed delighted.
The stick, right!
Geronimo!
SHRIEKING AND LAUGHTER
By Jove, I needed that!
In years gone by, he would have been a court jester, wouldn't he?
And that's Ken, really, a court jester.
You'll be tickled, missus. By Jove. How tickled I am.
What a beautiful day.
What a beautiful day to do something wild and daring
like jumping off the top of Blackpool Tower,
holding your granny's corsets over your head and saying,
"How's this for hang-gliding?"
Every day's a good day.
How you doing? Can I come down now, please?
LAUGHTER
To go and watch him do his thing live, it's a masterclass in
joke telling and also, just that, the whole pace thing because,
you can't literally stand there and just, I mean, he does try to,
but you can't literally stand there and just do one type of joke
over and over again for two hours.
I always wanted to be different, you see?
I never wanted to be the same as anybody else.
I was going to be the... Originally,
I was going to be the comic that never told a gag.
I don't know how. I think what I meant was, I wanted to be a clown.
If you watch him with the eye of somebody who, you know,
who knows a little about comedy, you watch and you think,
"My God, this man is so clever. He is so clever!"
Are there any old farmers in tonight?
Any farmers in? Yes!
HE SNIFFS I thought so.
LAUGHTER
You can always tell.
When they're showing their wives to their seats,
they say, "Come on, Daisy, girl, come on..."
In the first ten minutes, he hit topical jokes, silly jokes,
abstract jokes, naughty jokes,
and it was bang, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke.
Great jokes about himself as well.
He had a thing where he goes, what was it he said?
"I got a letter in the post today from the government.
"It says self-assessment tax. Self-assessment? I invented that".
Boom, onto the next one.
200 years ago, this barmy MP,
he is sitting along there in Westminster one afternoon, going...
STRUMS LIPS
And you know what he thinks? "I know", he said. "I know.
"I'll invent income tax.
"I'll invent income tax." And so he did, 200 years ago.
In those days, it was twopence in the pound.
I thought it still was!
He's got such a fund of jokes.
And he's so quick.
He can recall them immediately.
You say "insurance policy" and he's got a joke.
Or "constipation," he's got a...
Several, for that.
He's just...
A minefield of humour.
I've stood on the stage and I've actually heard myself telling jokes
that I've never heard before. Amazing, isn't it?
I tried to tell him a joke once and it's funny trying to tell Ken Dodd a
joke. Because I got halfway through and he said, "No, stop,
"you can't tell a joke like that.
"Pause.
"Now, say the joke now and wait for your punch line and present it".
And he constructed it almost like a builder building a house.
I said, "I'm not telling you a joke again."
My brother-in-law, he's crackers. You know what he did last week?
He did one of these loft conversions.
The people in the flat above went barmy.
LAUGHTER
The jobs that man's had, oh!
He's had some fabulous... Last year, he had a marvellous job, a handyman,
handyman, glazier. He mended 496 windows and then found out
he had a crack in his glasses.
He comes out and he attacks straight away.
A lot of people, you know, warm up, warm up, warm up a little bit.
He comes in and he attacks from the word go and he stays at that level
until he's singing, then he brings it down a little bit,
then he's back in again.
It's attack, attack, attack, all the way through.
When you try to be a comedian,
you have to find a style of your own.
And I tried all sorts of styles and then one day, I thought,
"I'll just be myself. That's it.
"I'll be myself. I'll tell it like it is."
And that seemed to work.
I was walking down the road this morning and this young lady came up
to me. She said, "Hello, handsome,
"can you tell me the way to the opticians?"
LAUGHTER
You know, telling them the truth.
An audience will like that. An audience, if you...
If you make a mess of a joke, it's best to admit it.
If you forget the joke, admit it.
Blackpool folks, here we are in Blackpool.
Blackpool has got three piers.
That's too many. That's...
Oh, dear!
LAUGHTER
He brilliantly picks up an audience laugh like a wave, builds on it.
He creates a rhythm.
In an evening, you may...
You will hear hundreds, sometimes thousands of jokes.
They had wonderful songs in the old music hall.
These are real, wonderful songs,
like When Banana Skins Are Falling, I'll Come Sliding Back To You.
Honestly, that was a real song.
How Does A Hen Know The Size Of An Eggcup When It Lays An Egg?
LAUGHTER
Brilliant songs.
I've Never Wronged An Onion So Why Does It Make Me Cry?
It's this cumulative effect.
So you go and the jokes are being taken individually but there's also,
there's something about them all together that builds and builds and
Ken has this kind of, when he's absolutely coasting,
you feel like there's a sort of,
it's like a wall of laughter that's doing this.
It's never quite ever dying back down completely.
It's up around here the whole time, you know?
I use, I use the thing called the roll-up technique,
where you try to get as many laughs as you can.
I try for seven TPM. Seven titters a minute.
I'll give you an idea.
I went to the doctors last week, nothing wrong,
just to make sure he hadn't crossed me off.
Because they won't come out and visit, you know.
You can be as sick as a footballer.
And I know because I was going to play for Liverpool once but I
couldn't spit far enough. So, I phoned up and said,
"Could the doctor come out and visit me, please?"
They said, "Visit? You must have lost your conkers.
"You can have an appointment at 5.45 in the morning,
"three weeks next Thursday." "I could be dead by then."
"Well, if you are,
"get someone to phone in and cancel the appointment."
I heard every permutation of, "So I went to the doctor."
If I heard, if I heard the words, "So I went to the doctor,"
you're going, "God, you're really, you need to get to another doctor,
"because you're going to the doctor a lot.
"You need to get an overview of all these problems you're bringing
"to the doctor here, Ken."
I went down to the doctors. I went into his insulting room.
Now, he said, "Are you paying or shall I hurt you?"
I said, "No, no."
"Take all your clothes off." So I took all my clothes off.
He went in the next room for a laugh.
And then he came back in and said, "You have to diet."
I said, "What colour?" No, no, no.
LAUGHTER
He said, "Do you have any difficulty passing water?"
I said, "Well, when I go over a bridge, I go a bit dizzy."
He said, "Do you have vertigo?"
"No, sir, I only live round the corner". He said...
He just works on a different level to most comics, you know?
He's a great raconteur, a great storyteller, a great gag man,
great physical comedy, slapstick.
He does everything. There isn't any medium of comedy that he can't do.
It's like being in a rocket, with Ken.
You sort of take off and he gradually takes you
to a completely different place.
Scientists and doctors, they are making tremendous strides,
they're working day and night to make sure...
Transplants, one of these days, with all of...
You could rearrange anything you want.
You could have another ear under your arm.
Imagine, another ear, frighten the life out of people, say,
"I beg your pardon? How dare you?
"What do you mean, five items or less?"
You could have a third eye on the end of your finger.
HE LAUGHS
Yes, well, as I said, this...
Now, the next...
I mean, he's worked so hard at it, Ken.
But he's worked so hard, you can't see a join.
It's just marvellous.
It's exhausting because you don't want to miss the next one because
your... So you're... I mean, you're holding yourself in
because you don't want to miss the next gag. And it's exhausting.
And he knows that and he's absolutely brilliant,
and he's got the music, he can go into a song.
He will bring the pace down for a moment or two,
not too long and then start picking it up again.
Oh, what an artist!
# Spaghetti Bolognese for you
# And I'll have cannelloni, too
# Vincero
# Vincero. #
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
I think Ken is very clever in structuring his act.
He knows you just can't come on and do the act.
You have to give them... It has to be a shape.
And I've noticed how music is very crucial to Ken in his act.
So he will use song himself,
first of all, romantic song but then absurd song.
# Cuando calienta el sol aqui en la playa
# Siento tu cuerpo vibrar cerca de mi. #
PERCUSSION
Oh!
HIGH-PITCHED SINGING
CLICKING
I'm hurting myself there for you, you know!
I sort of look at him as the kind of master of that sort of mixture
of...of being silly in different ways.
And he's got a lovely singing voice as well.
# Happiness, happiness
# The greatest gift that we possess. #
I think people warm to, you know, the lovable clown.
And then, when he sang Tears,
that showed a completely different side of Ken Dodd.
# Tears for souvenirs
# Are all you have left me. #
I started recording, 1960.
1960, I was at Torquay, in summer season, and all of a sudden,
I found myself, I was a pop artist.
In 1965, we had a big...
A golden disc with Tears For Souvenirs.
# After all those happy hours we spend. #
When Tears went to number one,
it would have outsold The Beatles at that particular time.
What about their guitar playing, Ken?
Do you have any comments to make about that?
Wonderful, wonderful, because one of the boys is a big fan of Segovia.
Thomas, Thomas. And she's no mug, I mean.
He was famous before The Beatles came along.
He probably would be reluctant to tell you but he did prevent
The Beatles getting to number one once.
Not many people can do that.
He's a great singer.
But you've no ambitions to play guitar like these lads?
I'd love to be able to play the guitar like these lads, yes.
I wonder, would they take a fifth Beatle on?
Yes, we were wondering. We were thinking of that.
Or, I mean, I don't want to split your group up, lads,
I often wonder, though, why you don't let Ringo sing.
Because you'd think, wouldn't you, you know,
that if you looked like Doddy, with his hair like this,
and he comes on and start singing Tears or whatever, you know,
you'd think people would go... SHE GIGGLES
But you don't!
Because he doesn't look funny when he sings.
Don't ask me how. I don't know.
It's magic!
# To tears of happiness! #
Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.
I was sitting at home one day in Knotty Ash and the phone rang.
And I picked it up and said, "Hello? Hello?"
"My name", he said, "My name is Antony Tuckey.
"I'm the producer at the Liverpool Playhouse Theatre.
"Would you come down and have a word with me?"
I said, "Yeah." so I went down and he said,
"We're going to produce Shakespeare's famous play Twelfth Night.
"We'd like you to be in it."
I said, "You mean Feste the clown?"
"No, no, no, no, no, no. I'd like you to play Malvolio."
I said, "What makes you think that I, as a variety comedian,
"could play the part of Malvolio?"
He said, "I saw the character of Malvolio being that of a jumped up
"person who had delusions of grandeur far above his station."
Hmm.
What employment have we here?
He was very good at portraying this very solemn, sober side.
A great furry hat, I remember,
and a long staff like a tickling stick but he didn't use it that way.
Immersed himself in the role of the character.
I thank my stars.
I am happy.
Malvolio, I didn't see his Malvolio.
I mean, it sounds a bit rude, doesn't it?
As if Malvolio's a kind of genital organ.
I didn't... I wish I'd caught a glimpse of his Malvolio but...
I will be strange,
stout in yellow stockings
and cross-gartered even with the swiftness of putting on.
I didn't see his Malvolio but apparently his Bottom's very good.
But...
CHUCKLING: No.
No.
Jove and my stars be praised!
I remember Ken was a bit perplexed when the director, Antony Tuckey,
said on the first day, "The one thing, Ken, is
"I don't want you getting laughs."
And what Anthony Tuckey meant was you've got to immerse yourself in
the character, in other words,
Malvolio is a sort of sober sided puritan.
We find him funny but he mustn't come on and play the clown.
That's not his role in the play.
"You'll be ad-libbing all over the place, you'll never learn the lines."
I said, "What do you think I am, an idiot?"
Just because I play the fool on the stage, you know,
it comes as a bit of a shock to you that people imagine that you walk
around going, "Oh, missus. By Jove!"
HE LAUGHS
So I... Of course I can discipline myself.
I had to ad lib one night, I remember that,
because I had my chain of office and I must have got...
Perhaps I was a bit stressed,
I must have given them an extra tug but it snapped,
and all the links of the chain went all over the stage.
And this... The audience went, "Oh!"
And I don't know where it came from, I said to the countess, I said,
"Oh, dear lady, when I'm with thee, I have the strength of 20 men."
And the audience said, "Hooray!" I said, "Sorry, Willy."
Some are born great,
some achieve greatness
and some have greatness thrust upon them.
It was terrific. It was terrific.
I mean, no, you know, whoopee, look at me, ba-boom.
None of that. No, no, no.
No, it was a performance, you know, and it was a good one, too.
I hope he'll forgive me for not having glimpsed his Malvolio
but he loves Shakespeare and I've seen on film what he's done and
he is an artist.
Sitting at home one night in Knotty Ash, the phone rang and...
He was on the phone.
Not Shakespeare, cos he's...
The famous Shakespearean actor and producer, Kenneth All-Bran.
Alas, poor Yorick...
I knew him, Horatio.
And Kenneth All-Bran said,
"Would you like to take part in this film of Hamlet?"
I said, "Well, yeah, yeah. I've got the legs for it."
He said, "No, I want you to play the character of Yorick.
"Yorick the jester."
I said, "But he's dead."
"No, no. We shall do it in flashback."
HAMLET: A fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy.
He hath borne me on his back a thousand times.
Now how abhorred in my imagination it is.
My gorge rises at it.
Kenneth All-Bran, he said,
"We are doing the Liverpool Hamlet and we'd like you to be in it.
So...
I said "OK, yeah, sure."
Should I do a bit for you now?
Well, go on. Say please.
Right, OK. This is it.
The Liverpool Hamlet.
To be or not to be, or what?
You know what I mean, like? This winter's tale bit, you know,
it's freezing up here.
It'll freeze the...off a brass monkey.
What do you think of that? Crack.
"Crack"? No, crap.
Ruggish.
Ship ahoy! And avast behind.
No... Not you, madam.
This is it, folks, the River Mersey.
This is what makes Liverpool such a wonderful, wonderful city,
a city of great diversity because people came to Liverpool
from all over the world and they brought with them...
They brought with them their luggage, their language, their religion
and their sense of humour
and it all intermingled and became a great stew and that's what the
Liverpool sense of humour really is.
Ahoy.
HE BREATHES IN
Och, you can feel it doing you good.
Oh, you can smell the methane. Beautiful.
# In my Liverpool home
Sing it loud!
# In my Liverpool home... #
Sing it proud!
Wherever you put a Liverpudlian, you know,
he'll still be the friendliest,
the liveliest and the funniest person in the world.
Thank you, Ken. Why do all the comedians come from Liverpool?
Well, Arthur Askey said you've got to be a comedian to live in Liverpool.
I think Ken is...
quite rightly is loved by Liverpool and one of the reasons he's loved
in Liverpool - he never moved away.
My hometown, Liverpool. Liverpool, now, we are now...
As from next year, we are the City of Culture.
That's right. And we are taking it very seriously.
We're having evening classes in graffiti.
He's part of the fabric
of Liverpool, there's no doubt about it.
He couldn't live anywhere else.
He couldn't be anywhere else. Ken is Liverpool.
We even have our own words, like if I said to you,
if you had a judy down a jigger and this fella came along and he was
bevvied so this scuffer came along and took him away.
OK? All right, I didn't know what that means.
Well, you were with this young lady, you were doing a spot of courting and this gentleman came along
who was inebriated, so a policeman came along
and escorted him to the police station. So there.
Doddy's heart's in Liverpool
and he wears his heart on his sleeve, by the way,
when he talks about Liverpool.
That's why the people love him.
Ken, you were recently made a freeman of the city of Liverpool.
True. And this allowed you to drive a flock of sheep past the town hall
every Tuesday. True. You must be very proud to be a freeman of such a wonderful city like ours.
Very proud. On the day it happened...
APPLAUSE
..all the city dignitaries were there, all their chains of office and, oh!
And they presented me this beautiful jewelled casket with a scroll and I
opened the scroll and it said,
"Present this at any Deep Pan pizza parlour
"and you'll get a free portion of garlic bread.
"Offer ends January the first."
LAUGHTER
He's very much Liverpool.
He's never tried to become posh or change the world that he came from,
it's still very much who he is,
which is why they love him so much there.
Here we've got the greatest city in the world, well, we think so anyway,
we think this is the greatest city in the world,
not only a great seaport,
and certainly not the picture that some people
have of Liverpool as a sort of a dingy,
underprivileged slum where everybody plays electric guitars in cellars.
We've got a great deal to be proud of in Liverpool
and we are proud of it.
We've always been environment-conscious in Liverpool.
In Liverpool, we've had unleaded churches for years.
LAUGHTER
Yes! APPLAUSE
He has the qualities of Liverpool humour.
He's naturally witty
and sharp, but there's no cruelty in his humour
and that's a characteristic of Liverpool humour.
He's sort of synonymous with Liverpool.
Partly because of the Knotty Ash and the Diddy Men,
but there's also some fantastic clips of him with the Beatles
and them messing about with him, it makes you realise just how long he's
been around doing his thing. It's amazing, really.
You make it a rule, don't you,
to get home to Liverpool as often as you can?
If I can, yes, you know, for the air.
By Jove.
Because, as you know, Liverpool is a spa.
Years ago, you see, I have such strong roots with Liverpool,
it was one of my ancestors who actually discovered Liverpool.
A man called Sir Dingle Jetty.
He was the man who discovered the famous jam butty mines
in Knotty Ash.
Until one day, unfortunately, he fell into a jam vat - a jam vat -
and expired shouting the now-familiar phrase, "Heavens preserve us!"
He lives in the same house, I think.
I think he was born there or his parents were born there.
And I admire that in him, you know. He could probably live anywhere.
He could have the biggest house in Liverpool, or...
He doesn't, he lives in them same little houses in Knotty Ash
that his parents lived in.
CORONATION STREET THEME
Dawn's breaking over Knotty Ash.
Full of goodwill, the kindly villagers awake from their slumber,
eager to greet another day.
It's charity knocking at the door.
And charity is always well received in Knotty Ash.
Knotty Ash has gone into mythology.
A lot of people think
Knotty Ash is like a fairy tale.
Knotty Ash is a real place, that's what's amazing.
What, it's not a place, is it?
It can't... No, surely not.
It's a real place, Knotty Ash.
Naughty and Ash, Knotty Ash, it's funny.
Ken, could you very briefly tell us how all this
Doddy words and Diddy people and Knotty Ash, how did it all start?
Where did you get the original idea from?
Young man, I live in Knotty Ash.
Do you? Yes. I didn't realise that.
Yes, I live in Knotty Ash. There's a place called Knotty Ash
in the north-west near Liverpool.
I mean, Knotty Ash, which I always thought was sort of fantasy,
actually, and then I wrote him a note and I realised he lives
in Knotty Ash.
You know, Knotty Ash is a place.
But it does actually sound, doesn't it, like some Victorian children's author's dream world.
I think Knotty Ash gave me the
confidence, you know, I wasn't frightened of the world.
I still get terrible stage...
I feel very nervous now but I still get stage fright but it gave me the
sort of love and affection that children need, this lovely, cosy,
warm village feeling.
It's an innocent pastoral lost world I think that Ken is creating
in his act. It's got touches of lots of people in it,
bits of Enid Blyton, bits of Lewis Carroll, all sorts of things.
I mean, the invention of things, all the stuff he's invented,
the jam butty mine and all that sort of stuff, the wild stuff, you know.
It's impossible to teach anybody that.
It's got to be natural,
it's got to be inherent in your personality and everything.
Strict quality control under hygienic conditions is maintained
to ensure that only the finest jam butties
leave the Knotty Ash jam butty mine.
Let's have some service, please.
Thank you. First class.
First class. First class.
Could we have a little more crust, please?
He has made this wonderful make-believe world, hasn't he?
The jam butty mines and the black button trees and all that.
It's all in his head, isn't it?
It's all in his head.
But there aren't any diddy men, are there?
There aren't any Diddy Men? No.
Nationwide, and he wants to see Diddy Men.
Diddy men? OK, Diddy Men, hither, boys!
There they are, the famous Diddy Men from Knotty Ash.
Come on, kids,
let's go down to the jam butty mines and see how business is.
Ready? Here we go, right.
# We are the Diddy Men
# Diddy, Diddy, Diddy Men
# We're full of Diddy toys We make a gay and Diddy noise
# We are the Diddy Men who come from Knotty Ash... #
I found out one day, I found a Diddy Man, in Knotty Ash.
That's where they are.
The Diddy Men,
they work in the jam butty mines and the broken biscuit repair works
and the black pudding plantations
and that's where I discovered these little men.
Mike Yarwood, the great impressionist,
used to do a fantastic routine at parties
of Ken's manager, Dave Forrester,
on the phone to an American network trying to sell Ken Dodd.
"Then he comes on with his Diddy Men.
"His D-I-D-D..."
You know, and once you try and analyse it and explain it,
it sounds like a lot of hogwash,
but when you see it, it is the real thing.
# We are the Diddy Men
# Doddy's doddy Diddy Men
# We are the Diddy Men who come from Knotty Ash. #
Someone from Surrey where I was from,
these places sounded like genuine places
where little men walked around with funny hats.
It was only much, much later
that I realised they were just towns in Liverpool.
And of course the Diddy people are part of the whimsy, aren't they?
I used to have a little hobby
of cartooning and all my Diddy Men
all came out looking like my uncle Jack.
He loved his pint so he always had a big tummy
and he always wore a bowler hat and he had little legs.
They used to call him the diddy man and it became a Dodd family word.
Anything that was quaint and lovable became diddy this
and diddy that. "Look at that little diddy bike."
"Look at that little diddy woman."
They were invented because they were necessary.
I started off in 1954 in show business.
I was doing OK with adults around the music halls
and then I found a new audience, this summer season and the pantomime audiences with children,
so I had to find a point of communication to talk to the little diddy people.
Ladies and gentlemen and...
APPLAUSE
..and little diddy ladies and gentlemen, especially the little diddy ladies and gentlemen,
I'd like you to meet for the first time on the telly, all the way
from Knotty Ash, Mr Richard Mint, Esq., Dickie Mint.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
And this chap here, this is my assistant Dickie Mint.
Dickie Mint. That's you, Dickie Mint.
You're my assistant. Assistant. Yes. What do I do?
Well, you help me, you see.
You help me to do a prestigious performance.
What? A prestigious performance.
You're spitting on me.
I'm not spitting on you.
The thing that always stayed in my mind was always the vent act.
Always the vent, for some reason.
It still is a terrible vent, you know.
How he can even vent with those gnashers, I don't know.
It's no good saying you can't see your lips move, Ken,
but it's the funniest vent anybody's ever done as far as I'm concerned.
With Dickie Mint it's so well constructed and it's so well-honed.
I don't think he's changed a line in that in 50 years.
It doesn't matter, it's the funniest vent anybody will ever see.
It's you. Me? What's it got to do with me?
You're not a proper ventriloquist.
How dare you.
You're a charlatan.
I've studied, I've got a diploma.
See a doctor.
Would you like a big bottle of brown beer? Watch my lips.
A big bottle of brown beer and some brown bread and butter,
or a shandy?
A shandy.
Good, I'm very pleased to hear you say that.
Are you going to do the alphabet backwards? What?
The alphabet, you know, 26 letters.
I shall make it very difficult for myself.
Are you going to do the alphabet backwards?
No.
Good, well, that's it, then.
He turns the whole notion of ventriloquism
on its head in that act.
And when you watch him carefully,
the speed with which he delivers his lines and the effortlessness with
which the puppet speaks, you can hardly believe it's ventriloquism.
You probably want to say red leather, yellow leather,
red leather, yellow leather, red leather, yellow leather. No.
If he doesn't want to do it, he doesn't want to do it.
The vent act predates
not just vent acts, but also bad vent acts brilliantly, actually.
That was perfectly modern, that bit.
Just do the best you can.
Just do the act as is.
As is? As is.
He's the grocer. Who is?
Mr Aziz. Ken talks to this little dummy in such a lovely way,
there's pathos to it. You can see he loves the character
of Dickie Mint as well.
He loves that puppet and when he sings Sonny Boy with it,
you laugh and then you cry as well.
# I don't mind those grey skies... #
What do I do, Doddy?
# You, you make them blue... #
Glue?
LAUGHTER
Blue.
I can't say "glue".
Who the hell is asking you to say "glue",
I never said a word about glue.
Then say "Stick Tight".
What has Stick Tight got to do with it?
It's glue. I know it's glue!
I know there's no glue in the song!
You're shouting. I'm not shouting!
He has created this world of Dickie Mints and Knotty Ash and Diddy Men
and fantasy as a counterpoint.
There are a lot of counterpoints in his life between reality and fantasy
and surrealism, between the ordinary and the fantastic,
between comedy and music and ventriloquism,
between humour and emotion.
And he's got a lot of instruments in his orchestra
and he plays them brilliantly.
I want to go to the gents.
You're not the only one.
# When I'm old and grey, dear... #
What do you mean "when"?
# Promise you won't stray, dear... #
For goodness' sake.
# Because I, I love you so... #
What is my name?
Aziz?
# Sonny Boy! #
He's got whiskers. Of course he's got whiskers.
That's cos he's a cameraman.
Only cameramen are allowed to have whiskers.
Are you a cameraman? No, I'm not a cameraman.
No whiskers? No whiskers, no.
Does he pull the girls? Oh, he pulls the girls, yeah.
Does he...? I think so, yeah.
Say good night. Tatty guy.
What? Tatty guy.
Not tatty guy, tatty bye.
Cheerio. That'll do.
All that knowledge.
If you come here, like I did, regularly, and read all these books,
you become...you become a philosopher.
And you can give advice to young people.
And I say to the young people, I said, do not walk behind me,
for I may not want to lead.
Do not walk in front of me, for I may not want to follow.
Do not work alongside me.
Just leave me alone, will you?
He's a student of comedy, and is a master of comedy,
he's a teacher of comedy as well.
He knows it all, he watches it,
he very much comes from the school of Bob Monkhouse,
they way they used to look at comedy, and dissect it.
"Why is that funny?" Change one word,
that word is funnier than that. Pants is funnier than trousers.
Trousers is a funny word on its own, but pants makes it funnier.
He knows everything about it.
What makes people laugh, really, are the fall of pomposity,
dignity and knickers.
In humour, you've got to have conflicts.
I wouldn't have anything else for me breakfast.
What about when you started making people laugh professionally?
What kind of places did you work?
You can't make people laugh. You can only give people a laugh.
Laughter is inside you, you see.
Everybody's got laughter inside them. All you can, as a comic,
all you do is just touch the spring of laughter.
A lot of people don't realise
that Doddy is very, very well-read, you know.
He's really, really well-read, and he's well up on all sorts of things.
And, obviously, he must watch comedians and other performers and stuff like that.
Everybody is born, as a baby, you're all born with a chuckle muscle.
LAUGHTER
Chuckle muscle here in the middle of your diagram.
LAUGHTER
It starts here in your diagram, it's worked its way up, past your clack,
and out through your titter bone.
It's very like an attack of wind.
Wherever I was working in Britain,
whatever theatre I was playing, whatever town,
I would go to the local library.
And there, I would try to find books on laughter, humour and comedy.
When I was at Oxford,
in my first or second year, I can't remember which,
and by chance I bumped into him in the street.
He told me what he'd been doing that week in Oxford,
I remember it vividly - he'd been meeting professors of philosophy,
he'd been studying in the Bodleian Library.
This is a person who takes his humour seriously.
A few years ago, you got, I don't know,
I suppose you could say lumbered with the title
of the intellectual's comedian. Can you tell us how that happened?
Oh, I think it's because I'm an intellectual.
I mean, you've only got to look at me, haven't you,
and you'll see I know big words like "huge."
No, I don't know where intellectual comes in.
The more you study humour,
there are probably about between 12 and 15 formulas for humour.
And there are reasons, psychological reasons, why a human being -
who is the only animal, by the way, that does laugh.
I mean, animals don't laugh.
When was the last thing you heard a tom cat saying,
"By Jove, "that was a good 'un"?
One of the greatest evenings I ever had was watching him do a solo show,
literally a solo show, for three hours at the Liverpool Playhouse.
It was called Ha-Ha.
And what it was was Ken's philosophy of comedy.
Freud said that the essence of the comic
was the conservation of psychic energy. But then again,
Freud never played second house Friday night at Glasgow Empire.
But it was interesting, he obviously wanted to explore
the theory and the philosophy of comedy, as well as practise it.
You may say, "What is a laugh?"
A laugh is a noise that comes out of a hole in your face.
Anywhere else, you're in dead trouble.
People laugh at all sorts of things.
Some ladies laugh at little things.
It's a pity, really, but there you are.
The most beautiful sound in the world is the sound of laughter.
It's beautiful. Brilliant. You're bringing up...
Are you all right? It's me chest.
It's your chuckle muscle. It's me chest.
It's the whole thing that Ken Dodd does which is so endearing,
that everything he does is happiness,
to make you feel happiness,
to work your chuckle muscles and all this sort of stuff.
You want to laugh when a man who uses lines and phrases like that.
You'll never grow old, ladies and gentlemen.
Do you know why? Because you've all got lovely chuckle muscles.
That's what keeps you young, your chuckle muscle.
If you use and exercise your chuckle muscle every day,
have a good old laugh. Or better still, make somebody else laugh,
you'll always stay young and frisky and healthy.
But if you don't use your chuckle muscle, it dries up and drops off.
My kind of humour, the humour I started doing 30 years ago,
was all about Knotty Ash and the snuff quarries
and the jam butty mines. That was whimsy. The absurd.
But now there is a new kind of humour coming in
that's a little bit abrasive.
Not to say cruel,
the Spitting Image sort of stuff where they insult people.
And I don't like that. I like jolly.
"By Jove, Missus. Ha-ha!" That kind of humour.
It's what everybody wants to laugh about, you know. It's never filthy.
Unlike modern comedians, he would never use the F word.
Ken would deplore that and would think that was dreadful.
Not his style.
People don't want to be sworn at, do they?
Instead of using that word, why not use a word like "puffin"?
Puffin. Have you seen those little birds with yellow beaks?
Yes. A man went into Barclays Bank on a Monday morning
and the young lady said, "Good morning, sir, can I help you?"
He says, "Of course you can puffin help me.
"I want to open a puffin account in your puffin bank. So move your puffin self."
Anyway, I'm not going to tell you that joke.
The new kind of comedian doesn't seem to be in love with the British
public. They don't seem to like what they're doing.
They seem to be... All their humour seems to be based on hate.
And, you know, knocking things. And I don't like that.
There's so much modern comedy nowadays which is observational.
So totally different from his.
And yet,
I think a lot of people would do well
to put as many bums on seats as Ken does.
There's only three things in life worth talking about.
That's sex, money and power.
Sex, money and power. Sex, money and power.
What's the most important thing in your life, sir?
Sex. Pardon? Sex. Sex? God, what a memory.
He's never been blue.
He's a little bit risque, I think is the right word to use.
We are saying, if all the Bluebell Girls were laid end to end
on the beach, you could have the time of your life.
Never blue.
Ken was never blue.
Cheeky. It was seaside postcard stuff, you know, as Max Miller was.
Just to make a point here, Max Miller,
a lot of people give him an undeserved reputation of being a blue comedian.
Max Miller was never dirty.
Never dirty. Spicy, yes.
Sexy, yes.
But never dirty. He more or less teased the audience.
Saying...
MAX MILLER IMPRESSION: "No, don't, no, don't make me say it.
"No, you'll get me into trouble. You'll get me into trouble."
But he was never mucky.
Try ramming...
Oh, no, we can't do that. Yes, go on!
Please, sir, yes.
Go on! Oh!
Coax me. AUDIENCE: Oh!
Make me do it, make me do it.
Go on! I will. I will, I will, I will.
I think there IS a sexual element to Ken's act.
You like a bit of variety? Yeah.
Do you like a bit of variety on a Saturday night?
Do you like a good play?
It starts with a sort of, you know, little foreplay.
There are then little interludes, when we all calm down a bit.
And then it builds to this sustained...
I have to use my words carefully.
But this sustained and prolonged and enthusiastic climax, you know?
And the audience comes out feeling very satisfied.
So you like a good play, a bit of variety, and what else?
Mystery. A mystery?
Wouldn't you rather have the mystery before you have a bit of variety?
I mean, he just paints this picture and leaves you, the audience,
to make of the picture whatever you will.
Backstage, all these little narrow passageways, you know.
Last time I was here was with the 16 Bluebell Girls.
Big, strapping lasses.
When you squeezed past them,
it was like having your face slapped 32 times.
And ladies and gentlemen, can I take this opportunity of telling you now,
I do not do long shows.
I do not. I just give good value.
As you know, I'm a stickler for times.
If you've never seen Ken Dodd before and you plan on going to see his live show,
take a sleeping bag with you. Tent, food.
Plenty of water. He does a long time.
Never worry about the time when you come to one of my shows.
Won't do you any good, the doors are locked.
Remember it was mankind that invented minutes and seconds.
It used to be daylight and dark.
I think he still adheres to the antediluvian timescale
that we all know so well.
50% of this audience are all optimists.
They're the ones who booked taxis for 12.20.
You can't go home, and you can't want to go to the lavatory.
Because he's just nonstop for hours and hours and hours.
For me, he makes me weak when he stays on long,
because he's made me laugh so much I can't laugh any more.
Make sure that you've got transport to take you home,
because the chances are, the last buses will have gone.
Never worry about late buses or taxis.
There's always plenty of milk floats around by the time I'm finished.
I will admit in the past,
some of my shows have been a bit substantial.
Actually, children grow out of their trousers while I've been on.
All these legends began to percolate about,
"Have you heard about the show? Have you not...?
"Ken Dodd does..." And then this number came out.
They were saying he's five hours.
It's unbelievable! Talking about value for money.
Once, I was asked to do longer.
Yes. What could I do, ladies and gentlemen?
You know, you like to try and please people.
I said, "I'll try.
"It's what I do.
"And I'm doing it just for you."
Time, ladies and gentleman? Time, it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter to me. This is the way I look at it.
I get the idea that Ken's approach is that when he writes new stuff,
it goes on to the act like that.
But he doesn't shed any old stuff to make space for it.
So it just kind of constantly goes like this.
I mean, the rest of us are going, "Oh, we've got a new show.
"We'll just... That one's done, we'll move on."
But no, he's joining them all together.
I mean, if he lives to be 200,
you're going to have to watch him for about four days.
The amount of jokes about how long the show was.
The show was twice as long because of jokes
about how long the show was going to be.
FANFARE
Oh, yes! Yes, yes, yes!
# We've all come here to the show
# One, two, three and away we go
# We're all happy, we're all friends
# We don't care what time it ends
# We don't care what time it ends. #
I was at a show once, and he'd done two and a half hours.
And it come to the interval, and there was an old couple going out,
and he was saying to her, the old fella was saying to his missus,
"That was money well spent, that was a great show."
And people had to say, "Hang on, it's only the interval."
They were there for two and a half hours!
On an occasion like that you all get very nervous backstage.
Nervous about... They're all saying, "Oh, God,
"will he finish before midnight?" And this...
I always remember Ken at the Palladium.
He was not coming off, like he never does.
You know, he always stays there going on and on and on.
And eventually, the theatre manager came round and said, "Look, Ken,
"you've got to cut this down."
He said, "I'm having to pay the taxis for all the girls home,
"half the stage crew, everybody. It's costing me a fortune."
And Ken said to him, "Anybody in tonight, was there?"
Of course, it was packed to the roof.
He said, "There you go."
I don't think he's ever had a watch.
I don't think he can tell the time.
I really don't.
At the Palladium one night, it was so late, midnight or something.
The show's supposed to finish at 10.50 or something.
The stage manager threw the keys on the stage and said,
"You can lock up yourself!"
This comedian, he went on and on...
The poor old manager, he tried to position him over the trap door.
That didn't work. He used the hook.
Used everything. In the end, the manager, he went straight up
to the very top of the gallery up there,
and he stood on the gallery rail, and he shouted down.
And he said, "If you don't get off, I will hurl myself from the gallery
"and smash myself onto the floor below!"
Anyhow, this...
He must have a mind like a computer.
Because I can't remember what I've done yesterday.
And he can do, like, five hours of comedy without repeating himself.
Without repeating himself, you know?
It's fantastic.
I said, "Why do you do it?"
I said, "Why do you do five hours on stage?
And he goes, "It's my party."
You don't want to be a party pooper and go home early, so...
And the doors aren't locked. So...
I'm stage-drunk. I love it.
I just love being in show business.
The Playhouse, ladies and gentlemen. A beautiful, beautiful theatre.
My ambition is to play here one day.
I really would like to do a musical version of War and Peace.
Because it lasts seven hours.
And I think people deserve that.
No?
Some people don't believe in anything.
Some people believe there isn't anything else.
Other people believe
that we come back as someone else.
Reincarnation.
I can't... I don't know whether I believe that.
Do you? I can't see the point in coming back as a tin of milk.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Ken Dodd!
APPLAUSE
What can I say?
I think one of his best things he ever did on television were
the audiences with Ken Dodd,
because he could use his audience.
They were all pros who adored him anyway.
But they adored him no less or no more than the public did.
But it was him as himself, and it was terrific.
And I stand here now on this stage and look.
Can you imagine what's going through my mind?
What a challenge!
I've seen happier looking bloodhounds.
Do you know...?
It was buzzing before he stepped on the stage.
And then, of course,
when he'd come on and started, it was just hilarious.
Two ladies talking, one says, "That man.
"That man, from the moment I met him,
"it was moan, moan, whinge, whinge, cry, cry, swear, swear."
"So when did you meet him? She said, "I ran over him in the car."
You know when it's genuine humour and genuine love,
when there's banter between people.
That's... It's an amazing feeling.
I think it would be a good idea now if all the ugly ones came down and sat near the front.
You have? Good. Well, this is now...
I'd sit and watch An Audience with Ken Dodd now.
And I've seen it 50 times,
and I will laugh as heartily as I did
when I seen it live in the studio in London.
Just in confidence, what is your favourite kind of audience?
Why do you yodel when you talk?
HE YODELS
Because, of course, the audience was packed with actors and other
comedians, you know, most of whom really knew what they were doing.
And, I mean, they were just...
They fell in love with him.
Do you use any male cosmetics?
Any of this fa-fou, fa-fi, fa-fa...?
Pledge?
Oh, that's good.
Oh, she's bound to take a shine to you now.
There were people with tears running down their cheeks, you know?
And you're looking at fellow pros and people in the business who are a
little bit hardened, you know, quite a tough audience, notoriously.
But just...
I mean, at the end of the evening, your sides were aching.
# When I'm calling you
# Will you answer...
# Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh... #
Start the car!
He's definitely a stage comedian.
You've got to be there in the theatre.
I think that's his secret and that's what his success is.
When I see the psychiatrist next week, I shall be telling him this,
you know? Yeah. But I still go, you know. Much better than talking to yourself.
He's tested my head out with various chromium things,
and he's come to the conclusion at the end of all these years that I'm
psycho-ceramic. He said, "You're psycho-ceramic."
I said, "What's that?" He said, "You're a crackpot."
A live show is the best show.
The people who appear on variety shows have spent all their lifetime
with their turn, as they call it, their turn, their act.
Polishing and cutting and editing and burnishing to make their live
performance the best they can possibly get.
We do it because we can.
We do it just for you.
He still does New Year's Eve.
The day before a New Year's Eve at the Philharmonic Hall in Liverpool,
and sells out both nights.
Both nights.
And I think he must do maybe 200 gigs a year or something like that.
He never stops.
I mean, he's still writing new gags,
he's still changing the format of the show.
He will still, you know, off-the-cuff,
do a riff on something because it suddenly comes to his mind.
That's all the jokes I can remember.
There's a heck of a lot to remember in this show, you know.
And it's my age, you see?
I should be in a home, with her.
89, he's still switched on.
He's amazing to go and watch. It's a masterclass of timing, of memory.
Just a feat of memory.
To go out and do five hours of gags and singing and the stuff
that he does, is incredible.
Has anybody seen my show before? AUDIENCE: Yes!
Would you mind telling me what I do next, please?
The only way Ken Dodd would still be doing it now is if he really,
genuinely loves it.
But it's not only that.
It's the fact that the audience still love him.
If he was sort of...it was no longer entertaining,
or somehow sort of out of date or something,
he probably wouldn't be doing it.
But the fact is, it's timeless.
And I want you to know, girls, that the older man,
well, the more mature man. The older man has something very,
very precious to offer the younger lady. Like a good night's sleep!
See, when you're a Casanova like me, fellas, you have to keep yourself fit.
Keep yourself in shape.
Well, chests are being worn lower this year.
And we're all old men.
But as soon as the lights come on and the show starts, he's alive,
you know? I don't know.
If ever I need a blood transfusion, I'm going to get a pint of his blood.
The other thing which is extraordinary
about him now, now that he is getting on,
is when he first comes on stage,
those first few minutes when he comes on.
And you think, "He IS getting on."
And then I was watching him and I thought, "Oh, my eyes are going a bit funny."
Because he sort of was looking younger and younger.
And I realised what it was.
That the adrenaline flowing through his system, within minutes, actually,
his whole body is energised by the adrenaline
and the love of what he does.
He says, "Sometimes I go on stage to get a rest."
And I thought, gosh. You know, for him it's a rest.
But I see what he means, because in that
two and a half or three hours, he is sort of contained.
It's all structured, it's all planned.
And it's him at his best.
I'll never hang up my tiddling stick.
Not while I can.
While I can, while I can.
While I can, I will.
Because I love the job.
I love slaving over a hot audience.
I've got the best job in the world, you know, folks.
Because I only see happy people.
Isn't that lovely?
Ho, ho, ho! Yeah.
So, retire? No.
A man's life is like a long journey.
And during his lifetime, a man has to travel so many weary miles down
lanes, crossing plains, climbing mountains and fording rivers.
And all the time during his life, a man is searching.
Oh, he's searching for the truth.
And then one day, everything starts to click!
Your neck, your back,
your elbows.
I don't think that Ken will ever stop performing
until the breath leaves his body.
He will die, and that is the only way he will stop.
Ken will never retire, no.
He will go on and on and on and on, and that's just one show, you know.
A man has to realise he's not as young as he used to was.
In the autumn of his life, there are signs to tell him.
You get out of breath playing chess.
Your wedding suit comes back into fashion.
You use both hands to clean your teeth.
He loves standing in front of an audience and making them laugh.
He was born to do it,
and he wasn't just born to do it for the first 30 years of his life.
Turns out, he was born to do it for his whole life.
Lovely and warm and friendly,
and he's one of the few people that I really admire.
For me, Ken is just funny.
He always has been, and even at 89 years old, he's still funny.
That is it. That is a great comedian who loves it more than anything else
being out there. And making people laugh.
That is a terrific thing.
He goes down, for me, in a very, very short list
of the all-time greatest British comedians.
I think it should be Sir Kenneth Dodd, instantly,
if not Lord Dodd of Knotty Ash.
There is a type of mountain in the Tour de France which are known as "hors categorie",
which means outside of categorisation.
If you are doing a five-hour show and at the end of it 80% of the room
are still there, cheering you on at the end, you're not a comic.
You're some incredible natural phenomenon,
and so you don't get put in the same charts as other people.
God only has one D.
Dodd has got three. Think about it.
The funniest man in the world, and my friend.
But you've been a marvellous audience, ladies and gentlemen,
a wonderful audience. I think I want to keep you on.
Yes, yes, you can come again.
Because you've been a very, very good audience.
And...
Ah, maybe you could write to him, you know,
the man who's inscrutable, the boss, and tell him you like the show.
Please.
Yes.
It's a good life. Enjoy it.
Thank you for being a tattyfilarious and a bumptious audience.
We wish you good health, for time to enjoy it and lots and lots of
happiness!
# Happiness
# The greatest gift that we possess
# I thank the Lord that I've been blessed
# With more than my share of happiness
# Happiness, happiness
# The greatest gift that we possess
# I thank the Lord that we've been blessed
# With more than our share of... # Everybody!
# Happiness, happiness
# The greatest gift that we possess
# I thank the Lord that I've been blessed
# With more than my share of happiness
# I got more than our share of happiness. #
Happiness for you!
Subtitles by Ericsson