1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,840
As a boy, I should have been
very happy. I loved my toys.
2
00:00:04,840 --> 00:00:10,240
Boyish things - mechanical and
constructional stuff demanding
spatial logic and ingenuity.
3
00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:13,320
All would have been well,
had I been left in peace.
4
00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:19,160
But first, I shared my childhood
with an elder sister and then
later another one came along!
5
00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:23,600
I was the filling in an unsavoury
sister sandwich, and
barely a day passed
6
00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:29,360
without the horrors of
their namby-pamby toys
interfering with my play time.
7
00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:53,200
I'd like to say right from the
start that I was a good brother.
8
00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:56,800
And most of the time, my sisters
and I played together very happily.
9
00:00:56,800 --> 00:01:02,920
As a very small boy, I indulged
my big sister by joining
her dolls tea parties.
10
00:01:04,320 --> 00:01:07,840
I think he was a willing participant
because there was always food.
11
00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:10,000
James and I would
actually eat something
12
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:15,880
and I'd have to pretend with my dolls
that they were eating and I used to
put the cakes up to their mouths.
13
00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:20,480
I taught my little sister
to respect her elders.
14
00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:23,600
He once pretended to
throw my teddy off a boat.
15
00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:26,640
We must have been going
on a ferry somewhere.
16
00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:28,280
I think he held it over the side,
17
00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:31,160
and then brought his hand back
without it being there,
18
00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:35,720
but put it down somewhere
and then came back and went,
"Oh, I dropped it!" I went mental.
19
00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:42,640
Like generations of children
before us, toys defined our lives.
20
00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:47,600
Especially at Christmas, when
toy-driven euphoria reached
something like fever pitch.
21
00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:51,280
NEWSREEL: The windows are powerful
magnets that lure the kids inside
22
00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:54,120
to get a close up of all the
marvellous things on sale
23
00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:56,840
in this enchanted world
of Christmas presents.
24
00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:03,920
Some toys delighted all three of us.
Lego, for example.
25
00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:08,000
My little sister would suck
the bricks, I'd make something
like an aeroplane,
26
00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:11,240
and then my big sister
would make a hospital.
27
00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:13,200
And how boring is that?
28
00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:14,760
Good for dive bombing though.
29
00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:19,400
James!
30
00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:23,520
As a little boy, I wasn't
concerned with the politics of sex.
31
00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:27,360
I probably barely realised there was
a difference between girls and boys.
32
00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:30,720
But my sisters' toys
reveal that there was.
33
00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:35,280
Their toys actually tell
us something about the
history of this nation.
34
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:38,360
And more importantly, its womanhood.
35
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:41,680
Let's begin at the beginning
36
00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:44,040
when Britain was an
industrial superpower.
37
00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:46,840
Men were men and
women stayed indoors.
38
00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:52,880
The only evidence that the two
sexes had anything to do with
each other was the odd baby.
39
00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:55,640
The main problem with
babies is one of weight.
40
00:02:55,640 --> 00:03:00,600
They are very heavy to carry.
They move about a lot, apparently.
41
00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:02,240
And they leak...down your arm.
42
00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:05,640
So perambulators were invented.
43
00:03:05,640 --> 00:03:09,120
One Yorkshire company cannily named
its prams after royal palaces
44
00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:11,720
and an early celebrity brand
was born.
45
00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:13,920
Every mother in
the land wanted one
46
00:03:13,920 --> 00:03:15,680
and so did all their daughters.
47
00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:18,000
Silver Cross got to work.
48
00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:23,640
And the result was this
- a perfectly scaled replica
of its popular Balmoral model,
49
00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:29,920
renowned for its springy suspension,
its elegant paintwork and
its very sturdy chassis.
50
00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:34,920
All this just to push that piece
of plastic around! What a waste!
51
00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:38,600
Because for my money, and for that
of any self-respecting schoolboy,
52
00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:43,880
there was, is, and only ever
will be one good use for a pram.
53
00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:49,120
And it's this - to plunder it for
the parts needed to make a go-kart.
54
00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:57,760
So, here's the plan. A boys' school
and a girls' school are going to
compete against each other
55
00:03:57,760 --> 00:04:00,840
to see who can make the best
go-kart out of the toy pram.
56
00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:03,880
In the boys' corner,
a boys' grammar school.
57
00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:07,120
And in the girls' corner,
a girls' high school.
58
00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:08,880
Here is your pram.
59
00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:14,640
The rules are very simple - you must
use as much of this as possible,
but especially the wheels.
60
00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:18,200
You must have functioning steering,
you must have a working brake.
61
00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:20,840
No engines or motors
or anything like that.
62
00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:27,480
And you have to nominate a team
of two - one to drive and one
to push off. Any questions? No.
63
00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:29,120
Sure? Yep.
64
00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:30,720
Off you go.
65
00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:48,720
Have any of you ever
built a go-kart before?
66
00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:52,440
Not a go-kart, but we've
designed an electric racing car.
67
00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:54,120
Have you? Yes. In school.
68
00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:56,360
What, and built it? Yeah.
69
00:04:56,360 --> 00:05:01,280
In the olden days, few girls would
have dreamt of building a go-kart.
70
00:05:01,280 --> 00:05:05,200
I built one, but my sisters didn't.
And I didn't expect them to.
71
00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:09,480
Boys and girls did different things
from one another back then.
72
00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:13,600
In school, for instance, boys did
woodwork, metalwork and engineering.
73
00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:18,360
Girls did domestic science,
housework and cleaning.
74
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:23,160
It wasn't until the '70s that the
old barriers began to tumble
and then only slowly.
75
00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:25,920
Presumably you've
built go-karts before?
76
00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:29,680
I've built a sledge, which is pretty
similar, except without wheels.
77
00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:32,280
Is that cos you couldn't
find any wheels? Yeah.
78
00:05:32,280 --> 00:05:38,600
I'm staggered that you can stand
there as a man and tell the world
you've never built a go-kart!
79
00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:40,040
But we've built one now!
80
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:43,000
Which, is essentially...
Only cos somebody told you to!
81
00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:48,760
Are you confident in your design?
82
00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:51,040
Actually...
Yeah, I am. You have to be.
83
00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:57,400
One of the things I was always
taught at school was
that when you paint,
84
00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:00,400
the brush should never
actually leave the surface.
85
00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:06,240
Look at that! You young people
- you just don't know anything!
86
00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:11,880
That's beautifully painted now.
87
00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:14,920
You're still lifting the
bristles off the surface!
88
00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:17,400
I'm sorry! It's probably...
89
00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:20,880
I don't know, 30, 35 years
since I last built a go-kart.
90
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:24,680
Bet I could still do it, though.
91
00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:27,960
But why bother when there's
a factory down the road
that can do it?
92
00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:31,520
Silver Cross produce 4,000
of these toy prams a year.
93
00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:33,720
They're hand-built and hand-painted.
94
00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:36,240
So my go-kart should
look pretty pukka.
95
00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:42,600
When this model was introduced
in the 1920s, it was actually
made out of wood.
96
00:06:44,280 --> 00:06:46,360
But then, during the
Second World War,
97
00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:50,760
the pram factory
was commandeered to make
aluminium panels for Spitfires.
98
00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:53,680
And after the war, they thought,
well, we like the aluminium.
99
00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:58,760
It's light, and its strong
and so - they stuck with it.
100
00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:02,400
And the great thing about this
is, if we have another war,
101
00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:06,560
you can simply hand the pram in
and they can make it
back into a Spitfire!
102
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:12,360
But back to OUR war - the day of
the girl-boy go-kart battle dawns.
103
00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:17,080
The 300 metre course awaits.
104
00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:19,120
This is the start line.
105
00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:24,040
There is another line down
here, marked in black tape,
this is the limit of push-off.
106
00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:30,240
Shortly after the starting line
is their first obstacle to
manoeuvre - the cattle grid.
107
00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:35,120
Closely followed by a bio hazard
- two kilos of horse manure.
108
00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:39,320
This is the chicane - it's
made out of old tractor tyres.
109
00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:43,680
The point of it is it is a test
of braking efficiency and control.
110
00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:46,760
This blue bollard marks
the position of egg-gate.
111
00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:50,080
Its two rows of eggs extending
from each side of the track,
112
00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:54,080
with a gap in the middle
which is just a few inches
wider than the kart.
113
00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:57,960
If they hit an egg,
it's a two second penalty.
114
00:07:57,960 --> 00:08:00,080
And finally - the finish line.
115
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:05,440
Beyond which, in case of brake fade,
is the hay bale wall of destruction.
116
00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:08,480
The teams will take it in turns
to race against the clock.
117
00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:11,240
'They will have three attempts.
Best average time wins.'
118
00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:12,960
Your call.
119
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:17,640
Heads. It's tails. First or second?
120
00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:20,200
Second. It's you.
121
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,440
Come on, girls!
122
00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:24,880
Good call!
123
00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:28,600
The girls' kart is built around the
principle of sturdiness and weight
124
00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:31,440
and features an impressively
engineered steering system.
125
00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:36,360
A few final preparations,
and then the girls position
their kart on the start line.
126
00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:40,960
Five...four...three...two...
127
00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:43,080
one...go!
128
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:49,160
Crikey! They're off to a good start!
They are really karting down there!
129
00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:53,640
Coming up now to the first
obstacle - the cattle grid.
130
00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:56,760
Whoa! Yes, they are through there!
131
00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:58,920
Past the bio hazard...
132
00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:00,400
Approaching egg-gate now.
133
00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:03,440
Yes! They are clear through
there with no breakages.
134
00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:05,720
Now what about the chicane?
135
00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:07,600
Yes, good manoeuvring!
136
00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:09,280
THEY CHEER
137
00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:15,440
After two more runs, the girls
record an average of 57.9 seconds.
138
00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:17,520
Not that I'm telling them that.
139
00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:20,240
No, they will have to wait
until the boys have raced.
140
00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:24,320
And although their cart is a
simpler and lighter affair,
141
00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:27,920
history suggests that genetic
engineering will be the key.
142
00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:31,080
Five...four...three...two...
143
00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:33,280
one...go!
144
00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:39,720
Oh dear! The men show a slight
lack of commitment at the start.
145
00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:42,760
That looks slightly less wussy.
146
00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:45,600
The cattle grid!
Oh yes, that's good.
147
00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:52,280
Hang on - there's something
not quite right with that wheel!
148
00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:54,960
Oh, for Pete's sake!
149
00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:00,960
What have you done?
150
00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:04,480
Wrecked the whole thing!
We were bossing it then as well!
151
00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:08,840
So you've completely demolished
one wheel? Maybe two!
152
00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:11,320
You leaden-footed buffoons!
153
00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:16,320
Listen, you are representing
blokes in this and you're...
154
00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:20,400
crap! Well, on the basis
that they are useless,
155
00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:24,560
I think it's up to me to
defend the male sex in the
Silver Cross Bentley.
156
00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:28,600
Dah-dah! Wow!
157
00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:31,320
What do you think? Leather interior!
158
00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:34,840
That's a belt to hold the bonnet on.
It has suspension - see?
159
00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:37,000
That handles the brake.
160
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:39,880
That is the pushing off handle.
161
00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:42,920
Cool. Are you going to fit in that?
162
00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:46,120
I do fit in that, yes.
That's some engineering!
163
00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:47,960
It's good, isn't it?
164
00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:54,080
In my lucky crash helmet,
I enter the Bentley and muster
the courage of a ten-year-old boy.
165
00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:57,240
Five...four...three...two...
166
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:59,120
one...go!
167
00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:14,120
There's the manure! Oooh!
168
00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:18,320
I lost control! More speed!
169
00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:21,040
Through the eggs - missed!
170
00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:30,360
'Now, I hate racing drivers'
excuses, but that was a useless
push-off by a traitor to his sex!
171
00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:34,120
'Still, maybe using my head will
help propel me a bit further.'
172
00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:36,880
I use the mass of my
head as a pendulum.
173
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:47,000
CHEERING
174
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:50,400
Well, that didn't go quite
as well as I'd expected!
175
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:53,720
But after another two runs,
I consult the race official.
176
00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:56,120
How did I do?
177
00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:59,240
Average time - 59 seconds!
178
00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:01,440
Oh ho ho!
179
00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:04,600
Cos I know your average time - 57.9.
180
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:09,840
Yay! Whooo! But...
181
00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:15,000
I think my go-kart looked more
stylish than yours. No! It did.
182
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:18,880
No. Would you agree, though, that
a go-kart is more fun than a pram?
183
00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:22,200
Yes. No. Who said no?
184
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:24,160
Me! You'd rather have the pram?
185
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:26,240
Yeah. Why? Cos it's more girlie!
186
00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:29,520
Ladies and gentlemen
- a proper girl.
187
00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:36,160
And back in the '50s and '60s,
girls were proper girls.
188
00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:39,880
My elder sister Jane and her friends
played with their dolls endlessly.
189
00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:42,000
I never played with them.
I was a boy!
190
00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:43,920
We did not do the same things.
191
00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:46,640
There is a long tradition of
girls' toys and boys' toys.
192
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:48,960
Some say it's nurture,
some say it's nature.
193
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:52,520
Right-thinking people like me know
it's somewhere between the two.
194
00:12:52,520 --> 00:13:00,160
Feeding, changing nappies - it's
horrible! Ask any woman how
this could possibly be a game!
195
00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:03,000
Yet every generation of
little girls falls for it!
196
00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:05,880
Once children enter the world,
197
00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:10,400
they are treated very differently,
depending on whether they
are a girl or a boy.
198
00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:15,080
And right away, people
start to buy different toys
for girls and for boys.
199
00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:19,280
So just imagine, for instance, what
happens when a boy picks up a doll.
200
00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:23,760
My little boy, he likes playing
with dolls prams, things like that.
201
00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:26,000
But if my husband saw it...
no chance.
202
00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:33,360
One approach we've taken is to look
at another species - vervet monkeys.
203
00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:38,440
We brought toys into enclosures
and what we found was that,
204
00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:43,440
like human children, the male monkeys
spent more time with the cars.
205
00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:48,240
And like girls, the female monkeys
spent more time with the dolls.
206
00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:53,280
One thing this suggests to me
is that these toy preferences,
207
00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:59,800
although they are
socially influenced, aren't
entirely determined by society.
208
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:03,840
No amount of social conditioning
would ever have made me
209
00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:08,040
even vaguely interested in playing
with this - Tiny Tears.
210
00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:11,000
It's the doll that redefined dolls.
211
00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:12,720
And it did that by crying.
212
00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:14,160
I rest my case.
213
00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:17,280
Baby's name is Tiny Tears.
And she's....
214
00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:19,920
The people who marketed it
wanted a flexible doll,
215
00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:24,720
a 16 inch doll that was
more flexible and more lifelike.
216
00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:29,120
So I was asked to look at that
and see whether I could
come up with any ideas.
217
00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:31,680
Well, that's how Tiny Tears
was born, really.
218
00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:38,440
# Tiny Tears, Tiny Tears
You're my very own baby... #
219
00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:44,040
I'd seen Tiny Tears in the
toy shops and at that time,
I didn't have a doll at all.
220
00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:50,320
My brother was a baby and I'd
just gone through the experience
of having a baby brother in a pram.
221
00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:53,040
So I felt as though
I related to Tiny Tears.
222
00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:56,960
And she did things that babies did.
223
00:14:56,960 --> 00:15:00,120
Tiny Tears is crying because
she was wet and had to be bathed.
224
00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:02,640
This is a Tiny Tears head
225
00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:05,320
and it has a crying mechanism inside.
226
00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:07,760
This is the reservoir for water
227
00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:10,440
and the tubes carry
the water to the eyes.
228
00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:14,960
And the water would come up along
the tube into the eye, and it
would come out of the face.
229
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:20,880
The overflow water would
go into the body and that
would make the doll wet.
230
00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:23,760
She was a lovely doll because
she is so like a real baby.
231
00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:26,400
When you lie her down,
her little joints allow her
232
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:29,600
to sort of flop - her little legs
flop and her little arms flop.
233
00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:32,040
Just like a real little
baby going to sleep.
234
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:37,280
No study of dolls would be
complete without this one - Barbie.
235
00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:43,880
She first appeared in 1959 and her
popularity remains undiminished
almost half a century later.
236
00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:50,880
In fact, it is now reckoned that
the global Barbie population
is almost a billion!
237
00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:53,160
With a billion Barbies
on the planet,
238
00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:56,200
I calculated that it would
take an eight-year old boy
239
00:15:56,200 --> 00:16:02,600
317 years of non-stop work
to pull all their heads off.
240
00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:06,480
The success of Barbie lies in that,
like Cleopatra,
241
00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:10,280
she has proved to be a woman -
or doll - of infinite variety.
242
00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:14,080
The role of women in society,
and their burgeoning aspirations,
243
00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:17,280
are mapped out in the way
Barbie has reinvented herself.
244
00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:19,760
Doctor makes her feel great!
245
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:25,160
Now, I've never played
with Barbie, but I have
studied her quite carefully.
246
00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:28,320
And I can't help noticing
that there's something...
247
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:30,120
not quite right about her.
248
00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:35,440
I reckon if you scaled up
Barbie's vital stats,
249
00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:39,280
she would be an
impressive 36, 18, 33,
250
00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:43,840
which all points to one thing - she
simply wouldn't be able to stand up.
251
00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:46,520
Unless she was wearing
Action Man's rucksack.
252
00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:48,160
Aaaah!
253
00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:55,520
Back in the olden days,
before plastic was invented,
254
00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:58,760
toys were made of honest materials
like wood and wool,
255
00:16:58,760 --> 00:17:04,000
their honeyed tones enlivened
only occasionally with a splash
of red, yellow or green.
256
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:08,800
But then, in the 1970s,
the whole world of being a girl
257
00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:11,800
was infected with a
terrible parasite. It was...
258
00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:13,320
the colour pink.
259
00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:16,160
# Sweets for my sweet... #
260
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:20,800
If you're a boy and you go into a
toy store and a whole part of
that department is pink,
261
00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:22,440
you know you do not go there.
262
00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:29,280
But go there I must if I'm ever
to understand the formative
years of the mind of woman.
263
00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:32,840
I was once given a pink shirt,
which I've never worn.
264
00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:37,000
It's not a macho thing, I just
really don't like the colour pink.
265
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:40,800
So I've come here to confront
this particular chromatic demon.
266
00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:43,920
# Sweets for my sweet
Sugar for my honey... #
267
00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:47,800
I'm sorry, but that is hideous!
268
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:51,360
And in my England,
that would be outlawed.
269
00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:54,480
In Victorian times,
pink was for boys.
270
00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:58,480
And even into the 20th century,
pink was considered a boys' colour.
271
00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:01,960
The symbols we have for
things are purely conventional.
272
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:05,120
They are learned and handed down.
Pink for girls, blue for boys.
273
00:18:05,120 --> 00:18:09,280
If everything you do from your baby
clothes through your toys
to your teddy bears
274
00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:11,760
is coded that way,
it becomes part of your life.
275
00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:15,680
TOY SINGS "MY LITTLE PONY" JINGLE
IN BABY VOICE
276
00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:20,120
What is the pink thing?
What's it about?
277
00:18:20,120 --> 00:18:24,320
Little girls absolutely love
pink, sparkle, flutter, glitter.
278
00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:28,200
I don't know, it could be
associated with fairies,
279
00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:32,560
angels, butterflies, anything of
that variety sells enormously well.
280
00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:36,920
And does pink sell
better than yellow, say?
281
00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:40,360
Absolutely. They definitely
go towards the pink spectrum.
282
00:18:40,360 --> 00:18:44,480
Even lilac and white with specks
of pink won't sell as well as pink.
283
00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:45,840
Pure pink is it? Is it.
284
00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:50,400
Well then, I'm as confused and
nauseated as when I arrived.
285
00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:54,880
I simply don't get it. But here's
where the backlash begins.
286
00:18:56,800 --> 00:19:01,680
Fortunately, most girls grow
out of pink and baby stuff.
287
00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:07,400
But only to move on to the next
phase of female evolution, which
is emulating their big sisters
288
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:10,480
and their mums, putting on
make-up and doing their hair.
289
00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:18,240
'60s designer Les Cook went to
the New York Toy Fair looking for
inspiration for a new kind of doll.
290
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:24,280
On the way home, he looked in a
department store window, where
he spotted a mannequin's head.
291
00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:28,400
Eureka! He realised that a whole
new doll wasn't necessary at all
292
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:32,800
- he could make his fortune out of
just a head, mounted on a plinth.
293
00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:35,400
He called his creation Girl's World.
294
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:39,000
It is completely gruesome!
295
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:41,400
Mummy, look at me!
296
00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:46,920
Les knew that small girls loved
playing with people's hair and
fooling around with make-up.
297
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:52,080
Trouble is, willing victims
are always very hard to come by.
298
00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:56,080
So here was a severed head that
never struggled or complained
299
00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:58,480
and could be abused
for hours on end.
300
00:19:58,480 --> 00:19:59,520
Genius!
301
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:09,000
I did have a Girls' World
but I think it must have been
my sister's or it was second hand,
302
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:11,160
cos when they got older,
Girls' World...
303
00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:14,080
The make-up didn't use to come off
so they were already half done.
304
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:17,600
And the bit where pushed the button
and their hair grew
used to get stuck,
305
00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:19,920
so you'd have a lump
of hair sticking out.
306
00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:23,800
I think I just got to
the stage where I used to
draw on it with felt tip.
307
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:29,240
And the packaging promises that
some styles can be easily achieved
by anyone over the age of four.
308
00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:33,240
So it should be a real pushover
for a group of eight year olds then.
309
00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:37,320
Right, this afternoon we're going
to be looking at this toy here.
310
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:40,360
Possibly your mums
might still have one.
311
00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:42,800
This is alien territory for me.
312
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:47,400
And to understand this toy,
I somehow have to get into the
head of an eight year-old girl.
313
00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:54,800
This is Year Four
of a primary school,
314
00:20:54,800 --> 00:21:00,680
and I'm hoping they can give me an
insight into what it is about this
ghoulish toy that is so appealing.
315
00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:02,440
Now, I'll be honest with you.
316
00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:06,880
I wear make-up - it's all
part of being a media ponce
317
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:13,720
- but I've never put make-up on
anyone else, and I've never styled
any hair...obviously.
318
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:20,000
However, there are some instructions
so I'll have a go.
319
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:25,000
"Push a strand of hair between
the bends in the applicator.
320
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:27,240
"Slide the beads..."
321
00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:29,560
'While I attempt to
do this by the book,
322
00:21:29,560 --> 00:21:33,360
'my other classmates tap into some
kind of intuition which means
323
00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:37,280
'they seem to know exactly what to
do and how to do it straight away.
324
00:21:37,280 --> 00:21:39,360
'I'm usually fairly dextrous,
325
00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:42,480
'I can build fantastic
Scalextric circuits,
326
00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:45,280
'but this thing has
utterly defeated me.
327
00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:48,800
'I've failed the practical and
I'm struggling with the concept.'
328
00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:51,920
Do you think this
looks like a real face?
329
00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:54,760
No. It doesn't, does it?
But why doesn't it?
330
00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:56,560
It has green eyebrows.
331
00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:59,960
Well, we'll soon sort that out
cos I can make them red.
332
00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:05,640
'The doll's appeal clearly has
nothing to do with realism,
so why do girls like it?'
333
00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:08,360
I like messing with their hair.
334
00:22:08,360 --> 00:22:12,600
So it's the hair bit that you
like best? Yeah. Messing with it.
335
00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:15,840
How many marks would you give
this out of ten as a toy,
336
00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:18,680
compared with all the other
toys you've played with?
337
00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:21,480
Nine out of ten.
Nine? What about everybody else?
338
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:24,160
Nine. Nine out of ten.
Eight out of ten.
339
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:26,080
Ten out of ten. Ten out of ten.
340
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:28,440
So you really like it?
You really do like it.
341
00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:31,640
Cos I think it's really boring.
342
00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:34,200
That's because you're
doing it rubbishly.
343
00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:38,320
Is that what it is? 'So? I never
wanted to be a hairdresser anyway.
344
00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:42,440
'But I wonder - could these ghastly
heads be a useful vocational tool?'
345
00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:52,560
Right, I'm going to give you
30 minutes to turn Girl's World
into Miss Girl's World 1975.
346
00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:55,400
Do anything you like. Go!
347
00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:07,800
Did you ever have one of
these when you were small?
348
00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:09,760
Yeah. If you hadn't
had one of these,
349
00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:13,000
do you think you'd have still
worked in hair and beauty?
350
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:16,000
I think it did help.
Cos if I didn't have the doll,
351
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:19,080
then I wouldn't really know
about the hair industry.
352
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:21,840
So when I got older,
I started looking into hair more.
353
00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:24,160
So it really is an inspiration
to some girls.
354
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:26,040
But then I have an
egalitarian moment
355
00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:31,880
and realised that the manufacturer
has made a glaring
marketing blunder.
356
00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:34,520
So you're a bloke. Yeah.
And you're a hairdresser.
357
00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:37,880
Did you ever have Girl's World
when you were a kid? No, never.
358
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:40,280
So you are at a disadvantage.
Yeah, slightly.
359
00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:44,640
Be honest, did you ever practise
on the dog, your brother...
360
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:48,920
When it was raining and we
couldn't go out, maybe on the dog.
361
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:53,760
Great. So the boys have got dogs
and the girls have got dolls.
362
00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:58,360
Now, how have our stylists got
on with their plastic heads?
363
00:23:58,360 --> 00:24:02,760
'Variations on the beehive.
364
00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:04,600
'And a bob?'
365
00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:08,640
Well, I think we've arrived
at a handy career hint
366
00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:11,920
for all young and aspiring
hairdressers and beauticians.
367
00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:13,480
If you want to get ahead...
368
00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:16,760
..get a head.
369
00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:27,280
I had a traditional style
doll's house with little cloth
people that went inside it.
370
00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:32,840
My grandparents bought it.
I played games and enjoyed
putting them to bed.
371
00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:36,240
Doll's houses. They've been
with us for over 500 years.
372
00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:39,640
And they were never invented
for girls to play with at all.
373
00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:44,600
Originally they were replicas
of real houses commissioned
by wealthy property owners
374
00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:46,840
as a way of showing off
their posh pads.
375
00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:51,080
Today, a grandiose one could
set you back £2,000,
376
00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:54,600
which is quite steep
for a glorified box.
377
00:24:54,600 --> 00:25:01,360
After World War One, the
Royal Family pushed the boundaries
of doll's house technology.
378
00:25:01,360 --> 00:25:06,720
It was given to Queen Mary in 1923
by a group of friends and artists,
379
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:13,440
a gesture of national
goodwill following the
abomination of the '14-'18 war.
380
00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:17,960
It took 1,500 craftsmen four
years to build and furnish.
381
00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:22,360
When it was displayed at the
British Empire Exhibition in 1924,
382
00:25:22,360 --> 00:25:25,600
over 1.5 million visitors
queued up to see it.
383
00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:30,880
The doll's houses most parents
can afford are of course
much more modest.
384
00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:33,240
But even in miniature,
their development
385
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:37,280
reflects the values and aspirations
of tomorrow's owner occupiers.
386
00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:39,760
This British example is from 1963
387
00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:43,600
and has come to be seen as
something of a design classic.
388
00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:48,280
Its designer came up with it
in response to a social problem.
389
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:50,640
At the time,
childcare was unheard of,
390
00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:55,560
so mothers set up their
own nurseries in church halls
and community centres.
391
00:25:55,560 --> 00:26:01,520
The open-sided design meant
that two or more children could
play with it at the same time.
392
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:06,120
There was plenty of room
for hands and little elbows.
393
00:26:06,120 --> 00:26:09,320
Everything had to be packed away
at the end of the day,
394
00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:13,160
but this could be dismantled
and put into a box no bigger
than a large book.
395
00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:21,000
I really like this. It's very
tasteful and minimalist and cool
in that Scandinavian sort of way.
396
00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:27,200
And more to the point, it looks
remarkably like a toy garage
I had when I was a boy.
397
00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:34,720
For today's little girls, the
doll's house experience is something
altogether more plastic.
398
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:39,240
Take this one. It's the Sylvanian
Families rather magnificent gaff.
399
00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:44,040
These animals in human mufti
arrived from Japan in 1987.
400
00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:47,840
It was Toy of the Year
three years running.
401
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:52,760
The original name for this
mass-produced community
was the Calico Critters,
402
00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:58,720
which is terribly misleading
because what we have here is
idealised English country life.
403
00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:04,320
Look at the afternoon tea on
the table. And the grand piano.
404
00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:05,840
It's bizarre!
405
00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:12,400
But obviously, the most important
component in a doll's house is not
the house itself or the furnishings
406
00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:14,320
or the little people who inhabit it.
407
00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:18,560
It's what's going on in
the imagination of the
child playing with it.
408
00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:25,960
This is what worries me. Because
what on earth is going on in the
mind of someone who plays with this?
409
00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:29,200
Someone like my
little sister, Sarah.
410
00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:36,080
When I was about five years old, I
was given a tree house which was a
massive green, plastic monstrosity.
411
00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:40,160
I absolutely loved it.
My brother hated it.
412
00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:44,480
He thought it was the most
disgusting, ugly, hilariously
bad toy in the world
413
00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:47,280
and laughed at me constantly
for playing with it.
414
00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:50,760
The feature that differentiates
this doll's house from any other,
415
00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:54,040
apart from that it's a tree,
is this handle on the top.
416
00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:56,760
I can never quite
see the point of that.
417
00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:04,400
I have a bit of an issue
with the inside of it as well.
418
00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:07,560
You see, the child is the
same size as the parents
419
00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:10,400
and the parents are
the same size as the dog.
420
00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:14,840
As an illustration of bad scaling,
it's fantastic.
421
00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:18,800
I think if James had
to see one of those green
plastic tree houses again,
422
00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:22,400
he would probably smash it to
pieces. He absolutely loathed it.
423
00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:27,520
This handle is actually
the key to understanding the
tree house's appeal to girls
424
00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:30,160
because it makes it
a glorified handbag.
425
00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:35,560
Still, that also makes it a lot
easier to take it to a place
it's never been to before.
426
00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:46,120
I'm a bit nervous about this in case
it's really, really rubbish,
and I used to love it so much.
427
00:28:46,120 --> 00:28:48,080
SHE GASPS
428
00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:54,440
Oh, it's fantastic though!
429
00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:00,920
I wonder if it still works.
430
00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:03,800
SHE GASPS AND GIGGLES
431
00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:12,840
Little sister, look away.
432
00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:41,360
WICKED LAUGHTER ECHOES
433
00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:49,560
Unlike the tree house,
there are one or two toys
that I remember only very dimly.
434
00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:52,160
Fuzzy-Felt is one of them.
435
00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:54,760
I think I had a couple of goes
when I was a small boy,
436
00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:57,840
but my little sister on the
other hand was very much into it.
437
00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:04,880
And, once again, it relies on
the ability to fill in the gaps
between the rather crude shapes.
438
00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:06,520
This, for example,
439
00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:11,200
is technically two triangles
separated by a rhombus.
440
00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:13,600
Or is it a space rocket?
441
00:30:13,600 --> 00:30:19,480
It's ironic that such a touchy-feely
toy owes its very existence
to World War Two.
442
00:30:19,480 --> 00:30:25,120
Whilst our boys were fighting
overseas, the women supported
the war effort on the home front.
443
00:30:25,120 --> 00:30:27,760
It was in the garden of
this Buckinghamshire house
444
00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:31,600
that a team of mothers,
led by its owner, Lois Allan,
made parts for tanks.
445
00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:38,880
It was while Lois Allan was hard at
work making felt tank gaskets like
this one that she noticed something.
446
00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:41,760
The offcuts were
very slightly sticky.
447
00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:44,160
This gave her a brilliant idea.
448
00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:47,960
When she cut up pieces
of felt into shapes
449
00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:52,960
and put them on the back of
a table mat, they stuck there.
450
00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:59,160
And the children could have fun
making shapes and they take them off
and make another picture and so on.
451
00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:03,600
After the war, Lois launched
her invention as Fuzzy-Felt.
452
00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:05,360
It was an instant hit.
453
00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:11,360
The most successful time for
Fuzzy-Felt was in the late '70s.
454
00:31:11,360 --> 00:31:17,680
We employed 70 odd people
and we were producing about
1 million boxes per year.
455
00:31:17,680 --> 00:31:20,000
Fuzzy-Felt was known
to be a girl's toy.
456
00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:25,960
And I know it's a very thin line.
You could say, "Oh, there's an art,
there's a creativity to Meccano,"
457
00:31:25,960 --> 00:31:30,840
or something like that. But compared
with nicely coloured pieces of felt,
boys didn't like it.
458
00:31:30,840 --> 00:31:32,520
It wasn't somehow chunky enough.
459
00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:35,480
But also, when you are a boy,
there is always another boy,
460
00:31:35,480 --> 00:31:40,280
real or imaginary, looking over
your shoulder saying, "Girls' toy,
girls' toy." So you don't do it.
461
00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:45,000
I suppose it does have a sort
of 1950s innocent charm
about it, Fuzzy-Felt,
462
00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:50,160
but I don't know
if it can really survive in the
modern, sophisticated playroom.
463
00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:54,440
I wonder what the
fuzzy logic of today's eight
year-olds would make of it?
464
00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:57,760
Here's how to find out. Take a box
of Fuzzy-Felt to a class of children
465
00:31:57,760 --> 00:32:01,200
learning animation and give them
a picture of me for inspiration.
466
00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:06,240
So he disappears in his car
and he lands on a volcano.
467
00:32:06,240 --> 00:32:08,640
He gets caught by an octopus.
468
00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:11,560
A three-headed octopus with 16 legs.
469
00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:14,840
We could have the
zombie octopus like this.
470
00:32:14,840 --> 00:32:20,000
Then he goes back in time
to the dinosaurs,
471
00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:23,000
smashes into a tree
as he comes down.
472
00:32:24,280 --> 00:32:29,000
He meets an alien and the Devil
and he goes back to home.
473
00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:34,160
Well, with storylines like that,
I'm expecting a blockbuster.
474
00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:40,040
Space.
475
00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:41,560
At least I think it is.
476
00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:45,760
And that must be me arriving
in my intergalactic pick-up truck.
477
00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:47,360
With my dog, obviously.
478
00:32:47,360 --> 00:32:52,040
Oo-er, you're not from
the Clangers, are you? Or you.
479
00:32:52,040 --> 00:32:56,080
I think it might be wise to
fuzz off. Rocket? Thank you.
480
00:32:56,080 --> 00:32:58,800
That was a close one!
481
00:32:58,800 --> 00:33:02,680
A new planet, a new tractor. Oh, no!
482
00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:05,040
This one's populated
by felt aliens as well.
483
00:33:05,040 --> 00:33:08,120
I'd better escape when I can
through this lightning storm.
484
00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:11,480
In fact, I hide in
this hollow mountain.
485
00:33:11,480 --> 00:33:17,040
Oh, no, I won't. Better traverse
the space-time continuum
through my handy time portal.
486
00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:18,600
Whoa!
487
00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:22,960
Ah, now, this is much better.
488
00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:27,120
I think I'll go and have a snooze
under this yucca tree.
489
00:33:27,120 --> 00:33:28,320
Oh, my word!
490
00:33:28,320 --> 00:33:30,520
Oh, what...!
MUFFLED SPEECH
491
00:33:30,520 --> 00:33:32,360
Thanks, kids(!)
492
00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:33,840
Well, there you go.
493
00:33:33,840 --> 00:33:37,520
People often say to me,
"War - what is it good for?"
494
00:33:37,520 --> 00:33:39,840
There's your answer. Fuzzy-Felt.
495
00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:51,120
One toy combined my sister's love of
arty stuff with my obsession with
technical things. And it was...
496
00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:52,680
Spirograph.
497
00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:57,840
It was invented by
Yorkshireman Denys Fisher in 1962.
498
00:33:57,840 --> 00:34:03,000
Fisher earned a living
designing improvements in bomb
detonation equipment for Nato.
499
00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:08,480
His spiral graphic product was
intended as a drawing tool
for industrial companies,
500
00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:10,640
but he couldn't find any takers.
501
00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:13,400
So he did what any profit
hungry bomb-maker would do.
502
00:34:13,400 --> 00:34:14,800
He turned it into a toy.
503
00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:17,480
Now I should have loved this.
504
00:34:17,480 --> 00:34:23,400
It used epicyclic gears like
a Sturmey Archer bicycle hub
and it looked impressive.
505
00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:25,120
The box is very promising.
506
00:34:25,120 --> 00:34:30,200
It says,
"a simple and fascinating way to
make a million marvellous patterns".
507
00:34:30,200 --> 00:34:33,560
But one word in that statement
is a bit of a fib to be honest.
508
00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:37,520
And that word is "simple".
509
00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:40,480
With a very steady hand,
you have to turn the little cogs
510
00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:43,840
and all the different shapes
around it very, very carefully.
511
00:34:43,840 --> 00:34:48,480
I think James always had more
of an eye for detail than me.
512
00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:53,600
But just when I thought I'd
cracked it, a cog would slip
and ruin the whole thing.
513
00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:58,720
I do find it faintly perverse
that something intended
as a design tool
514
00:34:58,720 --> 00:35:02,920
should turn out to be so flawed
in terms of its own design.
515
00:35:02,920 --> 00:35:06,840
I never created a single
brilliant thing with this.
516
00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:11,600
But maybe, just maybe, some students
can in a place like this.
517
00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:18,600
'I'm taking Spirograph to a class of
art and design students to see if
they can conquer its shortcomings.'
518
00:35:18,600 --> 00:35:22,400
I'd like you to have a go
because I don't actually
believe that it works.
519
00:35:22,400 --> 00:35:28,520
'Since they're arty, you would
expect this lot to be pretty adept
at anything involving a pen.
520
00:35:32,240 --> 00:35:33,880
'But even they can't do it.'
521
00:35:37,840 --> 00:35:40,560
Oh! Ah!
522
00:35:40,560 --> 00:35:42,560
What is it that makes it difficult?
523
00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:48,600
It's really easy to slip.
You are kind of looking at
the image you want to draw,
524
00:35:48,600 --> 00:35:53,000
but you also have to think
about going round in circles.
525
00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:56,720
'Which, oddly enough, is how I
feel about the instruction manual.
526
00:35:56,720 --> 00:36:00,240
"Don't be put off if the patterns
and the instructions
527
00:36:00,240 --> 00:36:03,720
"that follow look too difficult
for you. They aren't."
528
00:36:03,720 --> 00:36:05,920
Well, I'm sorry, but they are.
529
00:36:05,920 --> 00:36:07,840
Look at that.
530
00:36:07,840 --> 00:36:11,000
No wonder there were so many
mass murderers in the '70s.
531
00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:15,240
'Spirograph went on to become
Toy of the Year 1967
532
00:36:15,240 --> 00:36:17,760
'and, so far, I've no idea why.'
533
00:36:19,320 --> 00:36:22,360
How are you doing? It's not good.
Hang on a minute.
534
00:36:22,360 --> 00:36:25,040
This may be a television first.
535
00:36:25,040 --> 00:36:27,000
No, it's definitely...
536
00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:30,160
No, I can see you did
slip there, didn't you?
537
00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:35,120
You have to half watch the wheel,
538
00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:41,280
half watch the spiral
and half watch yourself.
539
00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:47,760
'They're as bad as it as I am.
But there are artists who do know
how to make Spirograph work.'
540
00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:55,040
Lesley Halliwell, who incidentally
was born in the year that
Spirograph was invented,
541
00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:56,880
uses it to create huge artworks.
542
00:37:01,440 --> 00:37:05,160
It is, she admits, a
bit of an obsession.
543
00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:12,040
There we go - one Spirograph.
544
00:37:14,160 --> 00:37:16,040
Congratulations.
545
00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:20,120
I think that may be the
first flawless piece of
Spirograph in history.
546
00:37:20,120 --> 00:37:21,440
Right, here we go.
547
00:37:22,440 --> 00:37:24,920
That's it. Slowly, slowly.
548
00:37:24,920 --> 00:37:29,840
Steady, slow and steady. You're
getting stuck in one place there.
549
00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:34,560
That's terrible. What happens
when you are doing one of those...
550
00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:38,640
One of your massive ones that
we looked at earlier has
got 20,000 of these in it.
551
00:37:38,640 --> 00:37:41,680
What happens if you get near
the end and you make a mistake?
552
00:37:41,680 --> 00:37:44,600
That happens,
that's part of the work.
553
00:37:44,600 --> 00:37:49,360
And if you look closely, you may be
able to spot some of those flaws,
554
00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:53,480
but I think that's part of
the human element of the work.
555
00:37:53,480 --> 00:37:59,200
That means you have, in effect,
embraced the fundamental flaw
of Spirograph,
556
00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:02,240
which is that it
doesn't really work,
557
00:38:02,240 --> 00:38:04,600
and put a positive spin on it. Yeah.
558
00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:09,440
A positive twirl. To be honest,
I've always thought of
Spirograph as a girls' toy
559
00:38:09,440 --> 00:38:11,920
and boys can't do it,
as I've proved.
560
00:38:11,920 --> 00:38:16,520
It's an interesting thing
about the Spirograph, even
the language of Spirographs.
561
00:38:16,520 --> 00:38:20,560
You've got the gears, the wheels,
all those different elements.
562
00:38:20,560 --> 00:38:23,600
It's the language really of
boys, isn't it? It's techie.
563
00:38:23,600 --> 00:38:26,120
Yeah. Then on the
other side of that,
564
00:38:26,120 --> 00:38:31,160
you have the pattern that you make
is quite floral and possibly girly.
565
00:38:31,160 --> 00:38:34,680
I was a bit conflicted about it.
566
00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:36,280
I think children do find...
567
00:38:36,280 --> 00:38:37,760
Oh, look at that.
568
00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:39,520
Fantastic!
569
00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:44,520
I think that is
pretty much spot on.
570
00:38:44,520 --> 00:38:45,920
That's fantastic.
571
00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:53,240
Now, purists such as Lesley
would never interfere with the
integrity of the original art tool.
572
00:38:53,240 --> 00:38:56,680
However, those cunning art
and design students reckon
573
00:38:56,680 --> 00:39:00,800
they've come up with the next big
thing in the Spirograph art canon...
574
00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:01,960
whatever that means.
575
00:39:01,960 --> 00:39:05,680
'And they've done it
by cheating, frankly.
576
00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:07,720
'That is using a computer.'
577
00:39:07,720 --> 00:39:11,880
What have you got there then? It's
an interactive Spirograph piece.
578
00:39:11,880 --> 00:39:16,720
It has the camera so it can put
your face on to the Spirograph.
579
00:39:16,720 --> 00:39:18,600
Eh? Do you want to have a look?
580
00:39:18,600 --> 00:39:20,680
That's my nostril.
581
00:39:20,680 --> 00:39:24,320
And that is my mouth? Yes.
Is it changing when I speak?
582
00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:26,960
Yes, it's sound sensitive.
583
00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:30,760
That's... That's brilliant.
584
00:39:30,760 --> 00:39:36,360
Has a piece of plastic Spirograph
been anywhere near that or have you
just done it with a software thing?
585
00:39:36,360 --> 00:39:43,080
No, we have used a Spirograph, but
onto a graphics tablet so it gets
drawn straight onto the computer.
586
00:39:43,080 --> 00:39:48,480
Well, I do have to say this has
overcome the elemental flaw
of Spirograph,
587
00:39:48,480 --> 00:39:51,920
which is that it doesn't work.
And that does.
588
00:39:51,920 --> 00:39:57,480
So now it's time to unveil the
world's first computer generated,
589
00:39:57,480 --> 00:40:00,440
voice interactive
Spirograph art mural.
590
00:40:01,960 --> 00:40:03,840
Whoo!
CHEERING
591
00:40:07,240 --> 00:40:08,520
Very good.
592
00:40:17,480 --> 00:40:19,240
Fantastic.
593
00:40:23,760 --> 00:40:27,640
So you see,
Denys Fisher's idea was very good,
594
00:40:27,640 --> 00:40:30,920
it's just that he left a few
things out of the Spirograph set
595
00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:35,440
- the laptop computer, the art
students, the camera, the projector
596
00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:40,800
and the 1950s preserved
historic building.
Other than that...spot-on.
597
00:40:45,080 --> 00:40:48,440
Back in my day,
we were happy with a good book.
598
00:40:48,440 --> 00:40:53,000
In fact, reading was one of the few
activities we did together in peace.
599
00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:57,400
When I was five, my mum took me up
to town to join the big library.
600
00:40:57,400 --> 00:41:02,480
It was there that I discovered
the greatest writing in
the English language
601
00:41:02,480 --> 00:41:04,800
- the complete works of Ladybird.
602
00:41:04,800 --> 00:41:06,920
Ladybird books were a phenomenon.
603
00:41:06,920 --> 00:41:13,320
By 1973, 20 million copies
a year were coming off the
printing press in Loughborough.
604
00:41:13,320 --> 00:41:16,080
We all read Ladybird books.
Anybody who read at all
605
00:41:16,080 --> 00:41:18,720
was probably taught to
read on Ladybird books,
606
00:41:18,720 --> 00:41:21,160
and you branched out from
the Peter and Janes,
607
00:41:21,160 --> 00:41:24,840
which were in
the reading scheme, out into
the more interesting ones.
608
00:41:24,840 --> 00:41:27,920
The book's success was the
result of a winning formula.
609
00:41:27,920 --> 00:41:31,800
Each book was the same size, a
small format to keep costs low.
610
00:41:31,800 --> 00:41:34,800
Ladybird books were
very recognisable.
611
00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:38,640
I think when you see them
all lined up on a shelf,
612
00:41:38,640 --> 00:41:41,320
you knew what you were getting.
613
00:41:41,320 --> 00:41:45,520
Each one had 56 pages
and 24 illustrations.
614
00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:48,840
The price remained the
same for 29 years - 2/6.
615
00:41:48,840 --> 00:41:52,040
The price was good,
the subject matter was easy to see,
616
00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:55,600
there were levels you could
take your child through
617
00:41:55,600 --> 00:41:58,440
and you also knew it was
a very safe world.
618
00:41:58,440 --> 00:42:03,360
Over the years,
Ladybird books have sold
hundreds of millions of copies,
619
00:42:03,360 --> 00:42:06,120
and they've been translated
into over 60 languages.
620
00:42:07,160 --> 00:42:10,080
But for most young readers,
my sisters and me included,
621
00:42:10,080 --> 00:42:13,040
the main attraction
was the illustrations.
622
00:42:16,160 --> 00:42:18,040
HE GASPS
623
00:42:18,040 --> 00:42:20,000
Oh!
624
00:42:25,760 --> 00:42:28,520
I might get slightly
emotional looking at that.
625
00:42:32,280 --> 00:42:34,960
That has just made me five again.
626
00:42:36,880 --> 00:42:42,200
The thing that amazes me,
I think this is why I got my first
Ladybird book, which was this one,
627
00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:45,120
The Story of Henry "V",
as I thought it was.
628
00:42:45,120 --> 00:42:48,360
It was the picture on the front
and then the pictures inside
629
00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:53,320
that made me say to my mum,
"Oh, I want this book." They
are staggeringly good illustrations.
630
00:42:53,320 --> 00:42:55,040
They are true artworks.
631
00:42:55,040 --> 00:42:58,840
They are not dashed off,
they are things of beauty.
632
00:42:58,840 --> 00:43:01,720
They certainly are, and that's
because they were done
633
00:43:01,720 --> 00:43:04,400
by top dollar commercial artists
of the time.
634
00:43:04,400 --> 00:43:08,240
Many of them did Ladybird
as a sideline while working
635
00:43:08,240 --> 00:43:10,880
for big clients in the
Midlands car industry.
636
00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:15,880
Others illustrated popular
boy comics, such as The Eagle.
637
00:43:15,880 --> 00:43:19,120
We should make an effort to talk
about a girls' Ladybird book.
638
00:43:19,120 --> 00:43:22,480
Maybe, yes. I think this was my
sister's favourite, Cinderella.
639
00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:25,280
I may have even read it to her
when she was very small.
640
00:43:25,280 --> 00:43:27,360
Do you have the pictures from this?
641
00:43:27,360 --> 00:43:29,560
A lovely picture from the front.
642
00:43:29,560 --> 00:43:35,480
Well, it is very... It's very, very
familiar but it doesn't move me
in quite the same way
643
00:43:35,480 --> 00:43:39,160
that the story of flight does,
to be brutally honest.
644
00:43:39,160 --> 00:43:41,000
I can understand that.
645
00:43:41,000 --> 00:43:45,600
A lot of people find this one
incredibly evocative of their youth.
646
00:43:45,600 --> 00:43:49,400
I think she was modelled
on Brigitte Bardot.
647
00:43:49,400 --> 00:43:54,280
I really loved Ladybird books,
particularly the Cinderella,
cos I think it was so exciting.
648
00:43:54,280 --> 00:43:56,200
They were so colourful and vibrant.
649
00:43:56,200 --> 00:43:59,760
She starts off in rags and then
she goes to three different balls
650
00:43:59,760 --> 00:44:02,200
in the Ladybird book and
there are three dresses.
651
00:44:02,200 --> 00:44:05,960
Every time you turned a page,
there was a big pink dress
and a sparkly dress.
652
00:44:05,960 --> 00:44:07,000
It was fantastic.
653
00:44:07,080 --> 00:44:09,560
And the third dress,
the wedding dress.
654
00:44:09,560 --> 00:44:12,120
That really just made people swoon.
655
00:44:12,120 --> 00:44:15,520
They wanted dresses like that.
Yeah, we have girls here...
656
00:44:15,520 --> 00:44:18,400
What, more than the picture
of the hot air balloon?
657
00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:21,000
I think it's quite possible. Tosh!
658
00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:23,080
What's your favourite Ladybird book?
659
00:44:23,080 --> 00:44:25,560
Magnets, Bolts and
Batteries, actually.
660
00:44:25,560 --> 00:44:30,680
Really? It shows you how
to do dangerous experiments.
661
00:44:30,680 --> 00:44:32,840
Did it? It certainly did.
662
00:44:32,840 --> 00:44:35,520
I love a particular
illustration - here it is.
663
00:44:35,520 --> 00:44:40,880
Where you're instructed
to cut apart a battery
664
00:44:40,880 --> 00:44:44,360
and then you have to lick
some kind of battery device.
665
00:44:44,360 --> 00:44:46,720
You use your tongue as a conductor.
666
00:44:46,720 --> 00:44:51,120
And I just don't think you'd
be able to do this nowadays!
667
00:44:51,120 --> 00:44:55,960
I always liked the How It Works
series. So did the MoD.
668
00:44:55,960 --> 00:44:59,520
They had hundreds of copies
of the Ladybird Book of the Computer
669
00:44:59,520 --> 00:45:05,000
printed with plain brown covers
so their employees could read it
without feeling embarrassed.
670
00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:08,200
The interesting thing is,
even when you're an adult,
671
00:45:08,200 --> 00:45:11,440
and you think you're well-informed
and technically minded,
672
00:45:11,440 --> 00:45:14,040
a Ladybird book is still
the best place to start.
673
00:45:14,040 --> 00:45:16,960
Oh yeah. They wanted to have
a book for every subject.
674
00:45:16,960 --> 00:45:20,520
And I think they pretty much did it.
675
00:45:20,520 --> 00:45:25,520
The thing I always admired about
the Ladybird books was that there
were great social levellers.
676
00:45:25,520 --> 00:45:28,800
They were for the people. Here is
a very old one - Things To Make.
677
00:45:28,800 --> 00:45:34,160
And it says, "Children can be kept
happily and rewardingly occupied
for many hours
678
00:45:34,160 --> 00:45:38,280
"using simple, inexpensive and
readily available materials."
679
00:45:38,280 --> 00:45:41,520
So even if you were poor,
you could be happy.
680
00:45:41,520 --> 00:45:47,640
In fact, if you could rustle up
one onion, a pen and some writing
paper, your life was complete!
681
00:45:47,640 --> 00:45:53,720
So let's have a go at making
invisible ink for secret messages!
682
00:45:53,720 --> 00:45:57,000
Cut the onion in half and
squeeze the juice into a bowl.
683
00:45:58,760 --> 00:46:00,360
Urgh!
684
00:46:00,360 --> 00:46:04,240
It does say in the introduction to
the book that these are activities
685
00:46:04,240 --> 00:46:07,080
that will keep children
occupied for hours and hours!
686
00:46:07,080 --> 00:46:08,960
And I can see why, really.
687
00:46:08,960 --> 00:46:13,160
"Using this juice as ink,
write a message on the paper.
688
00:46:13,160 --> 00:46:15,760
"Allow it to dry slowly by itself.
689
00:46:22,400 --> 00:46:28,800
"Now you can astonish your friends
by holding the paper close
to the heat from a lamp,
690
00:46:28,800 --> 00:46:31,160
"and your message will appear."
691
00:46:31,160 --> 00:46:34,200
It's still quite secret,
this secret message.
692
00:46:34,200 --> 00:46:38,280
Maybe you can only read it if
you're wearing a tank-top!
693
00:46:38,280 --> 00:46:42,560
So let's have a go at
making a pair of stilts!
694
00:46:42,560 --> 00:46:46,520
"You will need two syrup tins,
a nail for punching holes..."
695
00:46:46,520 --> 00:46:49,360
Here's one that
my dad bought earlier on.
696
00:46:49,360 --> 00:46:52,200
"Two long pieces of string."
Down there.
697
00:46:52,200 --> 00:46:56,600
First of course, because
these are new tins, we have
to empty out the syrup.
698
00:46:57,680 --> 00:47:00,080
Crikey, this could take a while!
699
00:47:09,400 --> 00:47:12,040
There. People born during
the war needn't worry,
700
00:47:12,040 --> 00:47:16,160
because I'm going to use all
of that later to make some
delicious flapjacks.
701
00:47:19,320 --> 00:47:23,440
"First, punch some holes in the
side of the tin near the top.
702
00:47:23,440 --> 00:47:27,120
"Remember to ask a grown-up
to help you with this
703
00:47:27,120 --> 00:47:28,960
"or use round-ended safety nails."
704
00:47:28,960 --> 00:47:33,640
Of course, when I was a lad,
there wasn't any health and safety.
705
00:47:33,640 --> 00:47:36,600
We used to collect shells on
the beach - unexploded ones.
706
00:47:36,600 --> 00:47:40,600
"Next, thread a piece of
string through both holes
707
00:47:40,600 --> 00:47:44,280
"of one tin and tie the ends
together so that the knot
is inside the tin."
708
00:47:44,280 --> 00:47:48,040
And because I've read the
Ladybird Book of the Boy Scout,
709
00:47:48,040 --> 00:47:51,280
I'm going to tie the two ends
together in a reef knot.
710
00:47:56,720 --> 00:48:01,000
There. There is a modification
they don't actually suggest
in the Ladybird book,
711
00:48:01,000 --> 00:48:05,120
but that I'm going to make, as I now
weigh nearly 13 and a half stone,
712
00:48:05,120 --> 00:48:09,680
which is to put the lid back on,
just to ensure the tins are
as rigid as possible.
713
00:48:12,920 --> 00:48:14,360
There you are.
714
00:48:14,360 --> 00:48:18,280
Each tin is now effectively, in
engineering terms, a monocoque.
715
00:48:18,280 --> 00:48:24,560
So, all that remains is to road test
this syrup-tin-base stilt solution.
716
00:48:26,200 --> 00:48:29,160
Ruddy kids these days don't
know what they're missing!
717
00:48:29,160 --> 00:48:33,120
With their YouFace and
MyTube and video games...
718
00:48:33,120 --> 00:48:38,120
All you need are some tins and
string, bit of coal to eat...
719
00:48:41,440 --> 00:48:45,440
When girls get to the age of
about 11, something weird happens.
720
00:48:45,440 --> 00:48:50,120
The pink detritus of innocent
childhood is cast aside and
instead of spending hours
721
00:48:50,120 --> 00:48:53,920
dressing up dolls, they suddenly
spend hours dressing up themselves.
722
00:48:53,920 --> 00:48:58,240
In fact, they do something that boys
avoid at all costs - they grow up!
723
00:48:58,240 --> 00:49:03,760
When I was secondary school
age, I started getting
interested in how I looked.
724
00:49:03,760 --> 00:49:06,720
And then your first
kiss with the boy,
725
00:49:06,720 --> 00:49:12,000
that was what we all used to
concentrate on in the playground.
It was such a fascination for us!
726
00:49:12,000 --> 00:49:15,720
You start to see the signs
just before Christmas.
727
00:49:17,920 --> 00:49:22,000
Girls stop asking for dolls
and start asking for things
you don't understand.
728
00:49:23,960 --> 00:49:28,440
Then they start whispering
and being secretive about
completely irrelevant stuff.
729
00:49:30,520 --> 00:49:34,800
Boys are suddenly left
behind by girls, oblivious
to what's going on.
730
00:49:34,800 --> 00:49:37,440
Girls suddenly need
to talk all the time.
731
00:49:40,240 --> 00:49:43,800
And it sounds like they're saying
the same thing over and over again.
732
00:49:45,880 --> 00:49:49,440
At the same age, a boy might still
be happy making Airfix Concorde,
733
00:49:49,440 --> 00:49:53,000
you know, the big 77 scale one
with the complicated instructions...
734
00:49:54,440 --> 00:49:57,280
The doll's house becomes
nothing more than somewhere
735
00:49:57,280 --> 00:50:00,000
for girls to dump their clothes
when getting ready.
736
00:50:03,720 --> 00:50:06,200
'For some reason, girls suddenly
want to go out.
737
00:50:06,200 --> 00:50:09,160
'And that's when boys
who have become dads get nervous.'
738
00:50:09,160 --> 00:50:11,160
Where are they off to?
739
00:50:11,160 --> 00:50:15,320
And it's that growing up thing,
the thing that girls do
so much faster than boys,
740
00:50:15,320 --> 00:50:19,960
that finally and cruelly shuts
the lid on the pleasures
of their toy boxes.
741
00:50:19,960 --> 00:50:25,600
Generation after generation of boys
will continue to play with their
toys until well into their dotage.
742
00:50:25,600 --> 00:50:29,720
But girls - and that includes my two
sisters - they miss out on all that.
743
00:50:29,720 --> 00:50:31,960
I think it's a real shame.
744
00:50:38,400 --> 00:50:41,600
I've saved my little sister's
toppest top toy until last,
745
00:50:41,600 --> 00:50:45,840
because it's the one that had
the greatest impact on my life.
746
00:50:45,840 --> 00:50:50,640
Of all Sarah's toys, it's the one
I loathed and despised the most.
747
00:50:50,640 --> 00:50:53,880
Not because it was girly,
not because it was sissy,
748
00:50:53,880 --> 00:50:55,400
but because it was crap.
749
00:50:55,400 --> 00:51:01,920
It provided an uninterrupted
soundtrack to my childhood that
I simply couldn't turn off.
750
00:51:01,920 --> 00:51:03,840
And here it is.
751
00:51:03,840 --> 00:51:08,040
Major Morgan, the electronic organ.
752
00:51:08,040 --> 00:51:09,880
What a piece of...
BEEP!
753
00:51:10,960 --> 00:51:14,720
It was given to my sister
one terrible Christmas.
754
00:51:14,720 --> 00:51:19,840
I must have been about six years old
when I got Major Morgan
the electronic organ.
755
00:51:19,840 --> 00:51:25,600
I didn't really understand what it
was at first, but basically,
it plays nursery rhymes.
756
00:51:25,600 --> 00:51:29,040
When you press different letters,
it plays the note.
757
00:51:29,040 --> 00:51:31,520
So you can play Three Blind Mice
really simply.
758
00:51:32,800 --> 00:51:36,480
Major Morgan had little cards
that you slotted into one end
759
00:51:36,480 --> 00:51:40,000
and these helped you to destroy
dependable, centuries-old tunes.
760
00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:43,440
So when you are quite young, it's
a really easy way to play a tune.
761
00:51:43,440 --> 00:51:46,320
It was so exciting!
I played with it every day.
762
00:51:46,320 --> 00:51:49,760
My brother used to steal it from me
and hold it out of my reach.
763
00:51:49,760 --> 00:51:54,640
I think it was because it was
really annoying when I used to play
Three Blind Mice all the time!
764
00:51:54,640 --> 00:52:01,120
I hated it because back then I was
learning music and I knew this
wasn't a proper musical instrument.
765
00:52:01,120 --> 00:52:04,080
It has no soul, it has no
capacity for expression.
766
00:52:04,080 --> 00:52:07,840
And you can't play
proper tunes on it.
767
00:52:07,840 --> 00:52:14,480
It failed as a toy, it failed as
a musical instrument and it was
fit for no purpose whatsoever.
768
00:52:14,480 --> 00:52:16,720
Except perhaps target practise.
769
00:52:17,920 --> 00:52:21,680
But before we consign the cheap,
nasty, tone-deaf plastic major
770
00:52:21,680 --> 00:52:26,960
to the great charity box of toy
history, I'm going to give him
one chance to redeem himself...
771
00:52:26,960 --> 00:52:29,000
with a special
one-off performance.
772
00:52:32,720 --> 00:52:37,640
And to help me, I'm going
to have the backing of an
enthusiastic school orchestra.
773
00:52:41,680 --> 00:52:44,760
BEEPING
774
00:52:44,760 --> 00:52:47,080
It's out of tune.
775
00:52:47,080 --> 00:52:50,840
Is it a musical instrument? Oh no,
absolutely not. It's just a toy?
776
00:52:50,840 --> 00:52:52,120
It looks like a toy to me.
777
00:52:52,120 --> 00:52:53,880
What about tonally?
BEEP-BEEP!
778
00:52:53,880 --> 00:52:57,320
It's not a particularly
beautiful noise, is it?
779
00:52:57,320 --> 00:52:58,720
It's not very expressive?
780
00:52:58,720 --> 00:53:01,280
No. One sound.
Are we agreed it's rubbish?
781
00:53:01,280 --> 00:53:02,840
I think so.
782
00:53:02,840 --> 00:53:06,280
The hour of the performance
approaches
783
00:53:06,280 --> 00:53:08,440
and what could be
the Major's last stand.
784
00:53:08,440 --> 00:53:12,000
This is the first time I've
performed with any sort of orchestra
785
00:53:12,000 --> 00:53:17,560
for over 20 years and I'm playing a
very unfamiliar instrument, so I'm
actually rather nervous about it,
786
00:53:17,560 --> 00:53:22,160
especially as these people have
practised very hard and their
orchestra is rather good.
787
00:53:22,160 --> 00:53:25,200
Right, Major, this is your
last chance to prove yourself.
788
00:53:25,200 --> 00:53:29,400
So stand up straight,
be tonally accurate and don't
let these people down.
789
00:54:18,880 --> 00:54:23,840
HE PLAYS "ODE TO JOY"
790
00:55:11,800 --> 00:55:16,520
For 30 years, he was a
plastic novelty discarded
at the back of a cupboard.
791
00:55:16,520 --> 00:55:21,560
And now it transpires,
he's an orchestral soloist.
792
00:55:21,560 --> 00:55:23,920
And I'm absolutely staggered!
793
00:55:23,920 --> 00:55:28,600
David, you're the arranger -
d'you think Major Morgan did
that little Beethoven ditty...
794
00:55:28,600 --> 00:55:31,360
I was quite impressed.
I was pleasantly surprised.
795
00:55:31,360 --> 00:55:34,520
I wasn't expecting it to be in tune
and it was in tune. So yeah.
796
00:55:34,520 --> 00:55:38,080
Thank you very much for allowing
me to play with your orchestra.
797
00:55:38,080 --> 00:55:41,480
I'm still... To be honest, it
made me slightly emotional. Aw!
798
00:55:41,480 --> 00:55:44,320
I got a slight lump in my throat
when tune started
799
00:55:44,320 --> 00:55:48,360
and I thought, "Not only is
that one of the best known
tunes in the world,
800
00:55:48,360 --> 00:55:52,120
"it's coming out of one of the worst
musical instruments in history!
801
00:55:52,120 --> 00:55:53,880
"And it still sounds brilliant!"
802
00:55:58,200 --> 00:56:02,600
That astonishing vindication of
Major Morgan, the electronic organ,
803
00:56:02,600 --> 00:56:06,280
brings to an end this rummage
through my sisters' toy box.
804
00:56:06,280 --> 00:56:09,440
I have weighed up their merits,
I've weighed up their faults
805
00:56:09,440 --> 00:56:14,120
and in conclusion, I feel forced to
say that my toys were much better.
806
00:56:14,120 --> 00:56:17,560
But of course, I would say
that, because I'm a boy.
807
00:56:17,560 --> 00:56:19,960
And more importantly, I'm a brother.
808
00:56:19,960 --> 00:56:22,160
Happy Christmas, everybody.
809
00:56:22,160 --> 00:56:24,280
Right, are you ready for this, Jane?
810
00:56:24,280 --> 00:56:28,640
I think so. Okay.
One...two...three...four...
811
00:56:28,640 --> 00:56:32,440
THEY PLAY OUT OF TUNE VERSION OF
"LONDON BRIDGE IS FALLING DOWN"
812
00:56:47,280 --> 00:56:48,920
That's terrible!
813
00:56:50,040 --> 00:56:52,680
ORCHESTRA PLAYS "SLEIGH RIDE"
814
00:57:03,880 --> 00:57:06,920
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
815
00:57:06,920 --> 00:57:09,960
E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk