1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,840 As a boy, I should have been very happy. I loved my toys. 2 00:00:04,840 --> 00:00:10,240 Boyish things - mechanical and constructional stuff demanding spatial logic and ingenuity. 3 00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:13,320 All would have been well, had I been left in peace. 4 00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:19,160 But first, I shared my childhood with an elder sister and then later another one came along! 5 00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:23,600 I was the filling in an unsavoury sister sandwich, and barely a day passed 6 00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:29,360 without the horrors of their namby-pamby toys interfering with my play time. 7 00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:53,200 I'd like to say right from the start that I was a good brother. 8 00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:56,800 And most of the time, my sisters and I played together very happily. 9 00:00:56,800 --> 00:01:02,920 As a very small boy, I indulged my big sister by joining her dolls tea parties. 10 00:01:04,320 --> 00:01:07,840 I think he was a willing participant because there was always food. 11 00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:10,000 James and I would actually eat something 12 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:15,880 and I'd have to pretend with my dolls that they were eating and I used to put the cakes up to their mouths. 13 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:20,480 I taught my little sister to respect her elders. 14 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:23,600 He once pretended to throw my teddy off a boat. 15 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:26,640 We must have been going on a ferry somewhere. 16 00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:28,280 I think he held it over the side, 17 00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:31,160 and then brought his hand back without it being there, 18 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:35,720 but put it down somewhere and then came back and went, "Oh, I dropped it!" I went mental. 19 00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:42,640 Like generations of children before us, toys defined our lives. 20 00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:47,600 Especially at Christmas, when toy-driven euphoria reached something like fever pitch. 21 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:51,280 NEWSREEL: The windows are powerful magnets that lure the kids inside 22 00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:54,120 to get a close up of all the marvellous things on sale 23 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:56,840 in this enchanted world of Christmas presents. 24 00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:03,920 Some toys delighted all three of us. Lego, for example. 25 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:08,000 My little sister would suck the bricks, I'd make something like an aeroplane, 26 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:11,240 and then my big sister would make a hospital. 27 00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:13,200 And how boring is that? 28 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:14,760 Good for dive bombing though. 29 00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:19,400 James! 30 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:23,520 As a little boy, I wasn't concerned with the politics of sex. 31 00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:27,360 I probably barely realised there was a difference between girls and boys. 32 00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:30,720 But my sisters' toys reveal that there was. 33 00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:35,280 Their toys actually tell us something about the history of this nation. 34 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:38,360 And more importantly, its womanhood. 35 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:41,680 Let's begin at the beginning 36 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:44,040 when Britain was an industrial superpower. 37 00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:46,840 Men were men and women stayed indoors. 38 00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:52,880 The only evidence that the two sexes had anything to do with each other was the odd baby. 39 00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:55,640 The main problem with babies is one of weight. 40 00:02:55,640 --> 00:03:00,600 They are very heavy to carry. They move about a lot, apparently. 41 00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:02,240 And they leak...down your arm. 42 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:05,640 So perambulators were invented. 43 00:03:05,640 --> 00:03:09,120 One Yorkshire company cannily named its prams after royal palaces 44 00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:11,720 and an early celebrity brand was born. 45 00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:13,920 Every mother in the land wanted one 46 00:03:13,920 --> 00:03:15,680 and so did all their daughters. 47 00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:18,000 Silver Cross got to work. 48 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:23,640 And the result was this - a perfectly scaled replica of its popular Balmoral model, 49 00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:29,920 renowned for its springy suspension, its elegant paintwork and its very sturdy chassis. 50 00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:34,920 All this just to push that piece of plastic around! What a waste! 51 00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:38,600 Because for my money, and for that of any self-respecting schoolboy, 52 00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:43,880 there was, is, and only ever will be one good use for a pram. 53 00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:49,120 And it's this - to plunder it for the parts needed to make a go-kart. 54 00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:57,760 So, here's the plan. A boys' school and a girls' school are going to compete against each other 55 00:03:57,760 --> 00:04:00,840 to see who can make the best go-kart out of the toy pram. 56 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:03,880 In the boys' corner, a boys' grammar school. 57 00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:07,120 And in the girls' corner, a girls' high school. 58 00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:08,880 Here is your pram. 59 00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:14,640 The rules are very simple - you must use as much of this as possible, but especially the wheels. 60 00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:18,200 You must have functioning steering, you must have a working brake. 61 00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:20,840 No engines or motors or anything like that. 62 00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:27,480 And you have to nominate a team of two - one to drive and one to push off. Any questions? No. 63 00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:29,120 Sure? Yep. 64 00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:30,720 Off you go. 65 00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:48,720 Have any of you ever built a go-kart before? 66 00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:52,440 Not a go-kart, but we've designed an electric racing car. 67 00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:54,120 Have you? Yes. In school. 68 00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:56,360 What, and built it? Yeah. 69 00:04:56,360 --> 00:05:01,280 In the olden days, few girls would have dreamt of building a go-kart. 70 00:05:01,280 --> 00:05:05,200 I built one, but my sisters didn't. And I didn't expect them to. 71 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:09,480 Boys and girls did different things from one another back then. 72 00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:13,600 In school, for instance, boys did woodwork, metalwork and engineering. 73 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:18,360 Girls did domestic science, housework and cleaning. 74 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:23,160 It wasn't until the '70s that the old barriers began to tumble and then only slowly. 75 00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:25,920 Presumably you've built go-karts before? 76 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:29,680 I've built a sledge, which is pretty similar, except without wheels. 77 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:32,280 Is that cos you couldn't find any wheels? Yeah. 78 00:05:32,280 --> 00:05:38,600 I'm staggered that you can stand there as a man and tell the world you've never built a go-kart! 79 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:40,040 But we've built one now! 80 00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:43,000 Which, is essentially... Only cos somebody told you to! 81 00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:48,760 Are you confident in your design? 82 00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:51,040 Actually... Yeah, I am. You have to be. 83 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:57,400 One of the things I was always taught at school was that when you paint, 84 00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:00,400 the brush should never actually leave the surface. 85 00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:06,240 Look at that! You young people - you just don't know anything! 86 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:11,880 That's beautifully painted now. 87 00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:14,920 You're still lifting the bristles off the surface! 88 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:17,400 I'm sorry! It's probably... 89 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:20,880 I don't know, 30, 35 years since I last built a go-kart. 90 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:24,680 Bet I could still do it, though. 91 00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:27,960 But why bother when there's a factory down the road that can do it? 92 00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:31,520 Silver Cross produce 4,000 of these toy prams a year. 93 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:33,720 They're hand-built and hand-painted. 94 00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:36,240 So my go-kart should look pretty pukka. 95 00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:42,600 When this model was introduced in the 1920s, it was actually made out of wood. 96 00:06:44,280 --> 00:06:46,360 But then, during the Second World War, 97 00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:50,760 the pram factory was commandeered to make aluminium panels for Spitfires. 98 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:53,680 And after the war, they thought, well, we like the aluminium. 99 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:58,760 It's light, and its strong and so - they stuck with it. 100 00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:02,400 And the great thing about this is, if we have another war, 101 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:06,560 you can simply hand the pram in and they can make it back into a Spitfire! 102 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:12,360 But back to OUR war - the day of the girl-boy go-kart battle dawns. 103 00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:17,080 The 300 metre course awaits. 104 00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:19,120 This is the start line. 105 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:24,040 There is another line down here, marked in black tape, this is the limit of push-off. 106 00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:30,240 Shortly after the starting line is their first obstacle to manoeuvre - the cattle grid. 107 00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:35,120 Closely followed by a bio hazard - two kilos of horse manure. 108 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:39,320 This is the chicane - it's made out of old tractor tyres. 109 00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:43,680 The point of it is it is a test of braking efficiency and control. 110 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:46,760 This blue bollard marks the position of egg-gate. 111 00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:50,080 Its two rows of eggs extending from each side of the track, 112 00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:54,080 with a gap in the middle which is just a few inches wider than the kart. 113 00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:57,960 If they hit an egg, it's a two second penalty. 114 00:07:57,960 --> 00:08:00,080 And finally - the finish line. 115 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:05,440 Beyond which, in case of brake fade, is the hay bale wall of destruction. 116 00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:08,480 The teams will take it in turns to race against the clock. 117 00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:11,240 'They will have three attempts. Best average time wins.' 118 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:12,960 Your call. 119 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:17,640 Heads. It's tails. First or second? 120 00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:20,200 Second. It's you. 121 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,440 Come on, girls! 122 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:24,880 Good call! 123 00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:28,600 The girls' kart is built around the principle of sturdiness and weight 124 00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:31,440 and features an impressively engineered steering system. 125 00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:36,360 A few final preparations, and then the girls position their kart on the start line. 126 00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:40,960 Five...four...three...two... 127 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:43,080 one...go! 128 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:49,160 Crikey! They're off to a good start! They are really karting down there! 129 00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:53,640 Coming up now to the first obstacle - the cattle grid. 130 00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:56,760 Whoa! Yes, they are through there! 131 00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:58,920 Past the bio hazard... 132 00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:00,400 Approaching egg-gate now. 133 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:03,440 Yes! They are clear through there with no breakages. 134 00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:05,720 Now what about the chicane? 135 00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:07,600 Yes, good manoeuvring! 136 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:09,280 THEY CHEER 137 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:15,440 After two more runs, the girls record an average of 57.9 seconds. 138 00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:17,520 Not that I'm telling them that. 139 00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:20,240 No, they will have to wait until the boys have raced. 140 00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:24,320 And although their cart is a simpler and lighter affair, 141 00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:27,920 history suggests that genetic engineering will be the key. 142 00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:31,080 Five...four...three...two... 143 00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:33,280 one...go! 144 00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:39,720 Oh dear! The men show a slight lack of commitment at the start. 145 00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:42,760 That looks slightly less wussy. 146 00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:45,600 The cattle grid! Oh yes, that's good. 147 00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:52,280 Hang on - there's something not quite right with that wheel! 148 00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:54,960 Oh, for Pete's sake! 149 00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:00,960 What have you done? 150 00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:04,480 Wrecked the whole thing! We were bossing it then as well! 151 00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:08,840 So you've completely demolished one wheel? Maybe two! 152 00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:11,320 You leaden-footed buffoons! 153 00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:16,320 Listen, you are representing blokes in this and you're... 154 00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:20,400 crap! Well, on the basis that they are useless, 155 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:24,560 I think it's up to me to defend the male sex in the Silver Cross Bentley. 156 00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:28,600 Dah-dah! Wow! 157 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:31,320 What do you think? Leather interior! 158 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:34,840 That's a belt to hold the bonnet on. It has suspension - see? 159 00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:37,000 That handles the brake. 160 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:39,880 That is the pushing off handle. 161 00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:42,920 Cool. Are you going to fit in that? 162 00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:46,120 I do fit in that, yes. That's some engineering! 163 00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:47,960 It's good, isn't it? 164 00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:54,080 In my lucky crash helmet, I enter the Bentley and muster the courage of a ten-year-old boy. 165 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:57,240 Five...four...three...two... 166 00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:59,120 one...go! 167 00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:14,120 There's the manure! Oooh! 168 00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:18,320 I lost control! More speed! 169 00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:21,040 Through the eggs - missed! 170 00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:30,360 'Now, I hate racing drivers' excuses, but that was a useless push-off by a traitor to his sex! 171 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:34,120 'Still, maybe using my head will help propel me a bit further.' 172 00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:36,880 I use the mass of my head as a pendulum. 173 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:47,000 CHEERING 174 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:50,400 Well, that didn't go quite as well as I'd expected! 175 00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:53,720 But after another two runs, I consult the race official. 176 00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:56,120 How did I do? 177 00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:59,240 Average time - 59 seconds! 178 00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:01,440 Oh ho ho! 179 00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:04,600 Cos I know your average time - 57.9. 180 00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:09,840 Yay! Whooo! But... 181 00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:15,000 I think my go-kart looked more stylish than yours. No! It did. 182 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:18,880 No. Would you agree, though, that a go-kart is more fun than a pram? 183 00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:22,200 Yes. No. Who said no? 184 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:24,160 Me! You'd rather have the pram? 185 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:26,240 Yeah. Why? Cos it's more girlie! 186 00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:29,520 Ladies and gentlemen - a proper girl. 187 00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:36,160 And back in the '50s and '60s, girls were proper girls. 188 00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:39,880 My elder sister Jane and her friends played with their dolls endlessly. 189 00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:42,000 I never played with them. I was a boy! 190 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:43,920 We did not do the same things. 191 00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:46,640 There is a long tradition of girls' toys and boys' toys. 192 00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:48,960 Some say it's nurture, some say it's nature. 193 00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:52,520 Right-thinking people like me know it's somewhere between the two. 194 00:12:52,520 --> 00:13:00,160 Feeding, changing nappies - it's horrible! Ask any woman how this could possibly be a game! 195 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:03,000 Yet every generation of little girls falls for it! 196 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:05,880 Once children enter the world, 197 00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:10,400 they are treated very differently, depending on whether they are a girl or a boy. 198 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:15,080 And right away, people start to buy different toys for girls and for boys. 199 00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:19,280 So just imagine, for instance, what happens when a boy picks up a doll. 200 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:23,760 My little boy, he likes playing with dolls prams, things like that. 201 00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:26,000 But if my husband saw it... no chance. 202 00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:33,360 One approach we've taken is to look at another species - vervet monkeys. 203 00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:38,440 We brought toys into enclosures and what we found was that, 204 00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:43,440 like human children, the male monkeys spent more time with the cars. 205 00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:48,240 And like girls, the female monkeys spent more time with the dolls. 206 00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:53,280 One thing this suggests to me is that these toy preferences, 207 00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:59,800 although they are socially influenced, aren't entirely determined by society. 208 00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:03,840 No amount of social conditioning would ever have made me 209 00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:08,040 even vaguely interested in playing with this - Tiny Tears. 210 00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:11,000 It's the doll that redefined dolls. 211 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:12,720 And it did that by crying. 212 00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:14,160 I rest my case. 213 00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:17,280 Baby's name is Tiny Tears. And she's.... 214 00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:19,920 The people who marketed it wanted a flexible doll, 215 00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:24,720 a 16 inch doll that was more flexible and more lifelike. 216 00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:29,120 So I was asked to look at that and see whether I could come up with any ideas. 217 00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:31,680 Well, that's how Tiny Tears was born, really. 218 00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:38,440 # Tiny Tears, Tiny Tears You're my very own baby... # 219 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:44,040 I'd seen Tiny Tears in the toy shops and at that time, I didn't have a doll at all. 220 00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:50,320 My brother was a baby and I'd just gone through the experience of having a baby brother in a pram. 221 00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:53,040 So I felt as though I related to Tiny Tears. 222 00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:56,960 And she did things that babies did. 223 00:14:56,960 --> 00:15:00,120 Tiny Tears is crying because she was wet and had to be bathed. 224 00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:02,640 This is a Tiny Tears head 225 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:05,320 and it has a crying mechanism inside. 226 00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:07,760 This is the reservoir for water 227 00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:10,440 and the tubes carry the water to the eyes. 228 00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:14,960 And the water would come up along the tube into the eye, and it would come out of the face. 229 00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:20,880 The overflow water would go into the body and that would make the doll wet. 230 00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:23,760 She was a lovely doll because she is so like a real baby. 231 00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:26,400 When you lie her down, her little joints allow her 232 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:29,600 to sort of flop - her little legs flop and her little arms flop. 233 00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:32,040 Just like a real little baby going to sleep. 234 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:37,280 No study of dolls would be complete without this one - Barbie. 235 00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:43,880 She first appeared in 1959 and her popularity remains undiminished almost half a century later. 236 00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:50,880 In fact, it is now reckoned that the global Barbie population is almost a billion! 237 00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:53,160 With a billion Barbies on the planet, 238 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:56,200 I calculated that it would take an eight-year old boy 239 00:15:56,200 --> 00:16:02,600 317 years of non-stop work to pull all their heads off. 240 00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:06,480 The success of Barbie lies in that, like Cleopatra, 241 00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:10,280 she has proved to be a woman - or doll - of infinite variety. 242 00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:14,080 The role of women in society, and their burgeoning aspirations, 243 00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:17,280 are mapped out in the way Barbie has reinvented herself. 244 00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:19,760 Doctor makes her feel great! 245 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:25,160 Now, I've never played with Barbie, but I have studied her quite carefully. 246 00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:28,320 And I can't help noticing that there's something... 247 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:30,120 not quite right about her. 248 00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:35,440 I reckon if you scaled up Barbie's vital stats, 249 00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:39,280 she would be an impressive 36, 18, 33, 250 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:43,840 which all points to one thing - she simply wouldn't be able to stand up. 251 00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:46,520 Unless she was wearing Action Man's rucksack. 252 00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:48,160 Aaaah! 253 00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:55,520 Back in the olden days, before plastic was invented, 254 00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:58,760 toys were made of honest materials like wood and wool, 255 00:16:58,760 --> 00:17:04,000 their honeyed tones enlivened only occasionally with a splash of red, yellow or green. 256 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:08,800 But then, in the 1970s, the whole world of being a girl 257 00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:11,800 was infected with a terrible parasite. It was... 258 00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:13,320 the colour pink. 259 00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:16,160 # Sweets for my sweet... # 260 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:20,800 If you're a boy and you go into a toy store and a whole part of that department is pink, 261 00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:22,440 you know you do not go there. 262 00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:29,280 But go there I must if I'm ever to understand the formative years of the mind of woman. 263 00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:32,840 I was once given a pink shirt, which I've never worn. 264 00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:37,000 It's not a macho thing, I just really don't like the colour pink. 265 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:40,800 So I've come here to confront this particular chromatic demon. 266 00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:43,920 # Sweets for my sweet Sugar for my honey... # 267 00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:47,800 I'm sorry, but that is hideous! 268 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:51,360 And in my England, that would be outlawed. 269 00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:54,480 In Victorian times, pink was for boys. 270 00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:58,480 And even into the 20th century, pink was considered a boys' colour. 271 00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:01,960 The symbols we have for things are purely conventional. 272 00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:05,120 They are learned and handed down. Pink for girls, blue for boys. 273 00:18:05,120 --> 00:18:09,280 If everything you do from your baby clothes through your toys to your teddy bears 274 00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:11,760 is coded that way, it becomes part of your life. 275 00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:15,680 TOY SINGS "MY LITTLE PONY" JINGLE IN BABY VOICE 276 00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:20,120 What is the pink thing? What's it about? 277 00:18:20,120 --> 00:18:24,320 Little girls absolutely love pink, sparkle, flutter, glitter. 278 00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:28,200 I don't know, it could be associated with fairies, 279 00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:32,560 angels, butterflies, anything of that variety sells enormously well. 280 00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:36,920 And does pink sell better than yellow, say? 281 00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:40,360 Absolutely. They definitely go towards the pink spectrum. 282 00:18:40,360 --> 00:18:44,480 Even lilac and white with specks of pink won't sell as well as pink. 283 00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:45,840 Pure pink is it? Is it. 284 00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:50,400 Well then, I'm as confused and nauseated as when I arrived. 285 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:54,880 I simply don't get it. But here's where the backlash begins. 286 00:18:56,800 --> 00:19:01,680 Fortunately, most girls grow out of pink and baby stuff. 287 00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:07,400 But only to move on to the next phase of female evolution, which is emulating their big sisters 288 00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:10,480 and their mums, putting on make-up and doing their hair. 289 00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:18,240 '60s designer Les Cook went to the New York Toy Fair looking for inspiration for a new kind of doll. 290 00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:24,280 On the way home, he looked in a department store window, where he spotted a mannequin's head. 291 00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:28,400 Eureka! He realised that a whole new doll wasn't necessary at all 292 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:32,800 - he could make his fortune out of just a head, mounted on a plinth. 293 00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:35,400 He called his creation Girl's World. 294 00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:39,000 It is completely gruesome! 295 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:41,400 Mummy, look at me! 296 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:46,920 Les knew that small girls loved playing with people's hair and fooling around with make-up. 297 00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:52,080 Trouble is, willing victims are always very hard to come by. 298 00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:56,080 So here was a severed head that never struggled or complained 299 00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:58,480 and could be abused for hours on end. 300 00:19:58,480 --> 00:19:59,520 Genius! 301 00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:09,000 I did have a Girls' World but I think it must have been my sister's or it was second hand, 302 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:11,160 cos when they got older, Girls' World... 303 00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:14,080 The make-up didn't use to come off so they were already half done. 304 00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:17,600 And the bit where pushed the button and their hair grew used to get stuck, 305 00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:19,920 so you'd have a lump of hair sticking out. 306 00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:23,800 I think I just got to the stage where I used to draw on it with felt tip. 307 00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:29,240 And the packaging promises that some styles can be easily achieved by anyone over the age of four. 308 00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:33,240 So it should be a real pushover for a group of eight year olds then. 309 00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:37,320 Right, this afternoon we're going to be looking at this toy here. 310 00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:40,360 Possibly your mums might still have one. 311 00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:42,800 This is alien territory for me. 312 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:47,400 And to understand this toy, I somehow have to get into the head of an eight year-old girl. 313 00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:54,800 This is Year Four of a primary school, 314 00:20:54,800 --> 00:21:00,680 and I'm hoping they can give me an insight into what it is about this ghoulish toy that is so appealing. 315 00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:02,440 Now, I'll be honest with you. 316 00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:06,880 I wear make-up - it's all part of being a media ponce 317 00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:13,720 - but I've never put make-up on anyone else, and I've never styled any hair...obviously. 318 00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:20,000 However, there are some instructions so I'll have a go. 319 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:25,000 "Push a strand of hair between the bends in the applicator. 320 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:27,240 "Slide the beads..." 321 00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:29,560 'While I attempt to do this by the book, 322 00:21:29,560 --> 00:21:33,360 'my other classmates tap into some kind of intuition which means 323 00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:37,280 'they seem to know exactly what to do and how to do it straight away. 324 00:21:37,280 --> 00:21:39,360 'I'm usually fairly dextrous, 325 00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:42,480 'I can build fantastic Scalextric circuits, 326 00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:45,280 'but this thing has utterly defeated me. 327 00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:48,800 'I've failed the practical and I'm struggling with the concept.' 328 00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:51,920 Do you think this looks like a real face? 329 00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:54,760 No. It doesn't, does it? But why doesn't it? 330 00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:56,560 It has green eyebrows. 331 00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:59,960 Well, we'll soon sort that out cos I can make them red. 332 00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:05,640 'The doll's appeal clearly has nothing to do with realism, so why do girls like it?' 333 00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:08,360 I like messing with their hair. 334 00:22:08,360 --> 00:22:12,600 So it's the hair bit that you like best? Yeah. Messing with it. 335 00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:15,840 How many marks would you give this out of ten as a toy, 336 00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:18,680 compared with all the other toys you've played with? 337 00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:21,480 Nine out of ten. Nine? What about everybody else? 338 00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:24,160 Nine. Nine out of ten. Eight out of ten. 339 00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:26,080 Ten out of ten. Ten out of ten. 340 00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:28,440 So you really like it? You really do like it. 341 00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:31,640 Cos I think it's really boring. 342 00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:34,200 That's because you're doing it rubbishly. 343 00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:38,320 Is that what it is? 'So? I never wanted to be a hairdresser anyway. 344 00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:42,440 'But I wonder - could these ghastly heads be a useful vocational tool?' 345 00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:52,560 Right, I'm going to give you 30 minutes to turn Girl's World into Miss Girl's World 1975. 346 00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:55,400 Do anything you like. Go! 347 00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:07,800 Did you ever have one of these when you were small? 348 00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:09,760 Yeah. If you hadn't had one of these, 349 00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:13,000 do you think you'd have still worked in hair and beauty? 350 00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:16,000 I think it did help. Cos if I didn't have the doll, 351 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:19,080 then I wouldn't really know about the hair industry. 352 00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:21,840 So when I got older, I started looking into hair more. 353 00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:24,160 So it really is an inspiration to some girls. 354 00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:26,040 But then I have an egalitarian moment 355 00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:31,880 and realised that the manufacturer has made a glaring marketing blunder. 356 00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:34,520 So you're a bloke. Yeah. And you're a hairdresser. 357 00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:37,880 Did you ever have Girl's World when you were a kid? No, never. 358 00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:40,280 So you are at a disadvantage. Yeah, slightly. 359 00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:44,640 Be honest, did you ever practise on the dog, your brother... 360 00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:48,920 When it was raining and we couldn't go out, maybe on the dog. 361 00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:53,760 Great. So the boys have got dogs and the girls have got dolls. 362 00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:58,360 Now, how have our stylists got on with their plastic heads? 363 00:23:58,360 --> 00:24:02,760 'Variations on the beehive. 364 00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:04,600 'And a bob?' 365 00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:08,640 Well, I think we've arrived at a handy career hint 366 00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:11,920 for all young and aspiring hairdressers and beauticians. 367 00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:13,480 If you want to get ahead... 368 00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:16,760 ..get a head. 369 00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:27,280 I had a traditional style doll's house with little cloth people that went inside it. 370 00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:32,840 My grandparents bought it. I played games and enjoyed putting them to bed. 371 00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:36,240 Doll's houses. They've been with us for over 500 years. 372 00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:39,640 And they were never invented for girls to play with at all. 373 00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:44,600 Originally they were replicas of real houses commissioned by wealthy property owners 374 00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:46,840 as a way of showing off their posh pads. 375 00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:51,080 Today, a grandiose one could set you back £2,000, 376 00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:54,600 which is quite steep for a glorified box. 377 00:24:54,600 --> 00:25:01,360 After World War One, the Royal Family pushed the boundaries of doll's house technology. 378 00:25:01,360 --> 00:25:06,720 It was given to Queen Mary in 1923 by a group of friends and artists, 379 00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:13,440 a gesture of national goodwill following the abomination of the '14-'18 war. 380 00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:17,960 It took 1,500 craftsmen four years to build and furnish. 381 00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:22,360 When it was displayed at the British Empire Exhibition in 1924, 382 00:25:22,360 --> 00:25:25,600 over 1.5 million visitors queued up to see it. 383 00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:30,880 The doll's houses most parents can afford are of course much more modest. 384 00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:33,240 But even in miniature, their development 385 00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:37,280 reflects the values and aspirations of tomorrow's owner occupiers. 386 00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:39,760 This British example is from 1963 387 00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:43,600 and has come to be seen as something of a design classic. 388 00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:48,280 Its designer came up with it in response to a social problem. 389 00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:50,640 At the time, childcare was unheard of, 390 00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:55,560 so mothers set up their own nurseries in church halls and community centres. 391 00:25:55,560 --> 00:26:01,520 The open-sided design meant that two or more children could play with it at the same time. 392 00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:06,120 There was plenty of room for hands and little elbows. 393 00:26:06,120 --> 00:26:09,320 Everything had to be packed away at the end of the day, 394 00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:13,160 but this could be dismantled and put into a box no bigger than a large book. 395 00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:21,000 I really like this. It's very tasteful and minimalist and cool in that Scandinavian sort of way. 396 00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:27,200 And more to the point, it looks remarkably like a toy garage I had when I was a boy. 397 00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:34,720 For today's little girls, the doll's house experience is something altogether more plastic. 398 00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:39,240 Take this one. It's the Sylvanian Families rather magnificent gaff. 399 00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:44,040 These animals in human mufti arrived from Japan in 1987. 400 00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:47,840 It was Toy of the Year three years running. 401 00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:52,760 The original name for this mass-produced community was the Calico Critters, 402 00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:58,720 which is terribly misleading because what we have here is idealised English country life. 403 00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:04,320 Look at the afternoon tea on the table. And the grand piano. 404 00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:05,840 It's bizarre! 405 00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:12,400 But obviously, the most important component in a doll's house is not the house itself or the furnishings 406 00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:14,320 or the little people who inhabit it. 407 00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:18,560 It's what's going on in the imagination of the child playing with it. 408 00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:25,960 This is what worries me. Because what on earth is going on in the mind of someone who plays with this? 409 00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:29,200 Someone like my little sister, Sarah. 410 00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:36,080 When I was about five years old, I was given a tree house which was a massive green, plastic monstrosity. 411 00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:40,160 I absolutely loved it. My brother hated it. 412 00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:44,480 He thought it was the most disgusting, ugly, hilariously bad toy in the world 413 00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:47,280 and laughed at me constantly for playing with it. 414 00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:50,760 The feature that differentiates this doll's house from any other, 415 00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:54,040 apart from that it's a tree, is this handle on the top. 416 00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:56,760 I can never quite see the point of that. 417 00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:04,400 I have a bit of an issue with the inside of it as well. 418 00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:07,560 You see, the child is the same size as the parents 419 00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:10,400 and the parents are the same size as the dog. 420 00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:14,840 As an illustration of bad scaling, it's fantastic. 421 00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:18,800 I think if James had to see one of those green plastic tree houses again, 422 00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:22,400 he would probably smash it to pieces. He absolutely loathed it. 423 00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:27,520 This handle is actually the key to understanding the tree house's appeal to girls 424 00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:30,160 because it makes it a glorified handbag. 425 00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:35,560 Still, that also makes it a lot easier to take it to a place it's never been to before. 426 00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:46,120 I'm a bit nervous about this in case it's really, really rubbish, and I used to love it so much. 427 00:28:46,120 --> 00:28:48,080 SHE GASPS 428 00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:54,440 Oh, it's fantastic though! 429 00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:00,920 I wonder if it still works. 430 00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:03,800 SHE GASPS AND GIGGLES 431 00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:12,840 Little sister, look away. 432 00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:41,360 WICKED LAUGHTER ECHOES 433 00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:49,560 Unlike the tree house, there are one or two toys that I remember only very dimly. 434 00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:52,160 Fuzzy-Felt is one of them. 435 00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:54,760 I think I had a couple of goes when I was a small boy, 436 00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:57,840 but my little sister on the other hand was very much into it. 437 00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:04,880 And, once again, it relies on the ability to fill in the gaps between the rather crude shapes. 438 00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:06,520 This, for example, 439 00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:11,200 is technically two triangles separated by a rhombus. 440 00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:13,600 Or is it a space rocket? 441 00:30:13,600 --> 00:30:19,480 It's ironic that such a touchy-feely toy owes its very existence to World War Two. 442 00:30:19,480 --> 00:30:25,120 Whilst our boys were fighting overseas, the women supported the war effort on the home front. 443 00:30:25,120 --> 00:30:27,760 It was in the garden of this Buckinghamshire house 444 00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:31,600 that a team of mothers, led by its owner, Lois Allan, made parts for tanks. 445 00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:38,880 It was while Lois Allan was hard at work making felt tank gaskets like this one that she noticed something. 446 00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:41,760 The offcuts were very slightly sticky. 447 00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:44,160 This gave her a brilliant idea. 448 00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:47,960 When she cut up pieces of felt into shapes 449 00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:52,960 and put them on the back of a table mat, they stuck there. 450 00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:59,160 And the children could have fun making shapes and they take them off and make another picture and so on. 451 00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:03,600 After the war, Lois launched her invention as Fuzzy-Felt. 452 00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:05,360 It was an instant hit. 453 00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:11,360 The most successful time for Fuzzy-Felt was in the late '70s. 454 00:31:11,360 --> 00:31:17,680 We employed 70 odd people and we were producing about 1 million boxes per year. 455 00:31:17,680 --> 00:31:20,000 Fuzzy-Felt was known to be a girl's toy. 456 00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:25,960 And I know it's a very thin line. You could say, "Oh, there's an art, there's a creativity to Meccano," 457 00:31:25,960 --> 00:31:30,840 or something like that. But compared with nicely coloured pieces of felt, boys didn't like it. 458 00:31:30,840 --> 00:31:32,520 It wasn't somehow chunky enough. 459 00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:35,480 But also, when you are a boy, there is always another boy, 460 00:31:35,480 --> 00:31:40,280 real or imaginary, looking over your shoulder saying, "Girls' toy, girls' toy." So you don't do it. 461 00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:45,000 I suppose it does have a sort of 1950s innocent charm about it, Fuzzy-Felt, 462 00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:50,160 but I don't know if it can really survive in the modern, sophisticated playroom. 463 00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:54,440 I wonder what the fuzzy logic of today's eight year-olds would make of it? 464 00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:57,760 Here's how to find out. Take a box of Fuzzy-Felt to a class of children 465 00:31:57,760 --> 00:32:01,200 learning animation and give them a picture of me for inspiration. 466 00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:06,240 So he disappears in his car and he lands on a volcano. 467 00:32:06,240 --> 00:32:08,640 He gets caught by an octopus. 468 00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:11,560 A three-headed octopus with 16 legs. 469 00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:14,840 We could have the zombie octopus like this. 470 00:32:14,840 --> 00:32:20,000 Then he goes back in time to the dinosaurs, 471 00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:23,000 smashes into a tree as he comes down. 472 00:32:24,280 --> 00:32:29,000 He meets an alien and the Devil and he goes back to home. 473 00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:34,160 Well, with storylines like that, I'm expecting a blockbuster. 474 00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:40,040 Space. 475 00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:41,560 At least I think it is. 476 00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:45,760 And that must be me arriving in my intergalactic pick-up truck. 477 00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:47,360 With my dog, obviously. 478 00:32:47,360 --> 00:32:52,040 Oo-er, you're not from the Clangers, are you? Or you. 479 00:32:52,040 --> 00:32:56,080 I think it might be wise to fuzz off. Rocket? Thank you. 480 00:32:56,080 --> 00:32:58,800 That was a close one! 481 00:32:58,800 --> 00:33:02,680 A new planet, a new tractor. Oh, no! 482 00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:05,040 This one's populated by felt aliens as well. 483 00:33:05,040 --> 00:33:08,120 I'd better escape when I can through this lightning storm. 484 00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:11,480 In fact, I hide in this hollow mountain. 485 00:33:11,480 --> 00:33:17,040 Oh, no, I won't. Better traverse the space-time continuum through my handy time portal. 486 00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:18,600 Whoa! 487 00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:22,960 Ah, now, this is much better. 488 00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:27,120 I think I'll go and have a snooze under this yucca tree. 489 00:33:27,120 --> 00:33:28,320 Oh, my word! 490 00:33:28,320 --> 00:33:30,520 Oh, what...! MUFFLED SPEECH 491 00:33:30,520 --> 00:33:32,360 Thanks, kids(!) 492 00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:33,840 Well, there you go. 493 00:33:33,840 --> 00:33:37,520 People often say to me, "War - what is it good for?" 494 00:33:37,520 --> 00:33:39,840 There's your answer. Fuzzy-Felt. 495 00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:51,120 One toy combined my sister's love of arty stuff with my obsession with technical things. And it was... 496 00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:52,680 Spirograph. 497 00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:57,840 It was invented by Yorkshireman Denys Fisher in 1962. 498 00:33:57,840 --> 00:34:03,000 Fisher earned a living designing improvements in bomb detonation equipment for Nato. 499 00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:08,480 His spiral graphic product was intended as a drawing tool for industrial companies, 500 00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:10,640 but he couldn't find any takers. 501 00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:13,400 So he did what any profit hungry bomb-maker would do. 502 00:34:13,400 --> 00:34:14,800 He turned it into a toy. 503 00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:17,480 Now I should have loved this. 504 00:34:17,480 --> 00:34:23,400 It used epicyclic gears like a Sturmey Archer bicycle hub and it looked impressive. 505 00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:25,120 The box is very promising. 506 00:34:25,120 --> 00:34:30,200 It says, "a simple and fascinating way to make a million marvellous patterns". 507 00:34:30,200 --> 00:34:33,560 But one word in that statement is a bit of a fib to be honest. 508 00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:37,520 And that word is "simple". 509 00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:40,480 With a very steady hand, you have to turn the little cogs 510 00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:43,840 and all the different shapes around it very, very carefully. 511 00:34:43,840 --> 00:34:48,480 I think James always had more of an eye for detail than me. 512 00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:53,600 But just when I thought I'd cracked it, a cog would slip and ruin the whole thing. 513 00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:58,720 I do find it faintly perverse that something intended as a design tool 514 00:34:58,720 --> 00:35:02,920 should turn out to be so flawed in terms of its own design. 515 00:35:02,920 --> 00:35:06,840 I never created a single brilliant thing with this. 516 00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:11,600 But maybe, just maybe, some students can in a place like this. 517 00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:18,600 'I'm taking Spirograph to a class of art and design students to see if they can conquer its shortcomings.' 518 00:35:18,600 --> 00:35:22,400 I'd like you to have a go because I don't actually believe that it works. 519 00:35:22,400 --> 00:35:28,520 'Since they're arty, you would expect this lot to be pretty adept at anything involving a pen. 520 00:35:32,240 --> 00:35:33,880 'But even they can't do it.' 521 00:35:37,840 --> 00:35:40,560 Oh! Ah! 522 00:35:40,560 --> 00:35:42,560 What is it that makes it difficult? 523 00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:48,600 It's really easy to slip. You are kind of looking at the image you want to draw, 524 00:35:48,600 --> 00:35:53,000 but you also have to think about going round in circles. 525 00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:56,720 'Which, oddly enough, is how I feel about the instruction manual. 526 00:35:56,720 --> 00:36:00,240 "Don't be put off if the patterns and the instructions 527 00:36:00,240 --> 00:36:03,720 "that follow look too difficult for you. They aren't." 528 00:36:03,720 --> 00:36:05,920 Well, I'm sorry, but they are. 529 00:36:05,920 --> 00:36:07,840 Look at that. 530 00:36:07,840 --> 00:36:11,000 No wonder there were so many mass murderers in the '70s. 531 00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:15,240 'Spirograph went on to become Toy of the Year 1967 532 00:36:15,240 --> 00:36:17,760 'and, so far, I've no idea why.' 533 00:36:19,320 --> 00:36:22,360 How are you doing? It's not good. Hang on a minute. 534 00:36:22,360 --> 00:36:25,040 This may be a television first. 535 00:36:25,040 --> 00:36:27,000 No, it's definitely... 536 00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:30,160 No, I can see you did slip there, didn't you? 537 00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:35,120 You have to half watch the wheel, 538 00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:41,280 half watch the spiral and half watch yourself. 539 00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:47,760 'They're as bad as it as I am. But there are artists who do know how to make Spirograph work.' 540 00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:55,040 Lesley Halliwell, who incidentally was born in the year that Spirograph was invented, 541 00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:56,880 uses it to create huge artworks. 542 00:37:01,440 --> 00:37:05,160 It is, she admits, a bit of an obsession. 543 00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:12,040 There we go - one Spirograph. 544 00:37:14,160 --> 00:37:16,040 Congratulations. 545 00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:20,120 I think that may be the first flawless piece of Spirograph in history. 546 00:37:20,120 --> 00:37:21,440 Right, here we go. 547 00:37:22,440 --> 00:37:24,920 That's it. Slowly, slowly. 548 00:37:24,920 --> 00:37:29,840 Steady, slow and steady. You're getting stuck in one place there. 549 00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:34,560 That's terrible. What happens when you are doing one of those... 550 00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:38,640 One of your massive ones that we looked at earlier has got 20,000 of these in it. 551 00:37:38,640 --> 00:37:41,680 What happens if you get near the end and you make a mistake? 552 00:37:41,680 --> 00:37:44,600 That happens, that's part of the work. 553 00:37:44,600 --> 00:37:49,360 And if you look closely, you may be able to spot some of those flaws, 554 00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:53,480 but I think that's part of the human element of the work. 555 00:37:53,480 --> 00:37:59,200 That means you have, in effect, embraced the fundamental flaw of Spirograph, 556 00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:02,240 which is that it doesn't really work, 557 00:38:02,240 --> 00:38:04,600 and put a positive spin on it. Yeah. 558 00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:09,440 A positive twirl. To be honest, I've always thought of Spirograph as a girls' toy 559 00:38:09,440 --> 00:38:11,920 and boys can't do it, as I've proved. 560 00:38:11,920 --> 00:38:16,520 It's an interesting thing about the Spirograph, even the language of Spirographs. 561 00:38:16,520 --> 00:38:20,560 You've got the gears, the wheels, all those different elements. 562 00:38:20,560 --> 00:38:23,600 It's the language really of boys, isn't it? It's techie. 563 00:38:23,600 --> 00:38:26,120 Yeah. Then on the other side of that, 564 00:38:26,120 --> 00:38:31,160 you have the pattern that you make is quite floral and possibly girly. 565 00:38:31,160 --> 00:38:34,680 I was a bit conflicted about it. 566 00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:36,280 I think children do find... 567 00:38:36,280 --> 00:38:37,760 Oh, look at that. 568 00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:39,520 Fantastic! 569 00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:44,520 I think that is pretty much spot on. 570 00:38:44,520 --> 00:38:45,920 That's fantastic. 571 00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:53,240 Now, purists such as Lesley would never interfere with the integrity of the original art tool. 572 00:38:53,240 --> 00:38:56,680 However, those cunning art and design students reckon 573 00:38:56,680 --> 00:39:00,800 they've come up with the next big thing in the Spirograph art canon... 574 00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:01,960 whatever that means. 575 00:39:01,960 --> 00:39:05,680 'And they've done it by cheating, frankly. 576 00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:07,720 'That is using a computer.' 577 00:39:07,720 --> 00:39:11,880 What have you got there then? It's an interactive Spirograph piece. 578 00:39:11,880 --> 00:39:16,720 It has the camera so it can put your face on to the Spirograph. 579 00:39:16,720 --> 00:39:18,600 Eh? Do you want to have a look? 580 00:39:18,600 --> 00:39:20,680 That's my nostril. 581 00:39:20,680 --> 00:39:24,320 And that is my mouth? Yes. Is it changing when I speak? 582 00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:26,960 Yes, it's sound sensitive. 583 00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:30,760 That's... That's brilliant. 584 00:39:30,760 --> 00:39:36,360 Has a piece of plastic Spirograph been anywhere near that or have you just done it with a software thing? 585 00:39:36,360 --> 00:39:43,080 No, we have used a Spirograph, but onto a graphics tablet so it gets drawn straight onto the computer. 586 00:39:43,080 --> 00:39:48,480 Well, I do have to say this has overcome the elemental flaw of Spirograph, 587 00:39:48,480 --> 00:39:51,920 which is that it doesn't work. And that does. 588 00:39:51,920 --> 00:39:57,480 So now it's time to unveil the world's first computer generated, 589 00:39:57,480 --> 00:40:00,440 voice interactive Spirograph art mural. 590 00:40:01,960 --> 00:40:03,840 Whoo! CHEERING 591 00:40:07,240 --> 00:40:08,520 Very good. 592 00:40:17,480 --> 00:40:19,240 Fantastic. 593 00:40:23,760 --> 00:40:27,640 So you see, Denys Fisher's idea was very good, 594 00:40:27,640 --> 00:40:30,920 it's just that he left a few things out of the Spirograph set 595 00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:35,440 - the laptop computer, the art students, the camera, the projector 596 00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:40,800 and the 1950s preserved historic building. Other than that...spot-on. 597 00:40:45,080 --> 00:40:48,440 Back in my day, we were happy with a good book. 598 00:40:48,440 --> 00:40:53,000 In fact, reading was one of the few activities we did together in peace. 599 00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:57,400 When I was five, my mum took me up to town to join the big library. 600 00:40:57,400 --> 00:41:02,480 It was there that I discovered the greatest writing in the English language 601 00:41:02,480 --> 00:41:04,800 - the complete works of Ladybird. 602 00:41:04,800 --> 00:41:06,920 Ladybird books were a phenomenon. 603 00:41:06,920 --> 00:41:13,320 By 1973, 20 million copies a year were coming off the printing press in Loughborough. 604 00:41:13,320 --> 00:41:16,080 We all read Ladybird books. Anybody who read at all 605 00:41:16,080 --> 00:41:18,720 was probably taught to read on Ladybird books, 606 00:41:18,720 --> 00:41:21,160 and you branched out from the Peter and Janes, 607 00:41:21,160 --> 00:41:24,840 which were in the reading scheme, out into the more interesting ones. 608 00:41:24,840 --> 00:41:27,920 The book's success was the result of a winning formula. 609 00:41:27,920 --> 00:41:31,800 Each book was the same size, a small format to keep costs low. 610 00:41:31,800 --> 00:41:34,800 Ladybird books were very recognisable. 611 00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:38,640 I think when you see them all lined up on a shelf, 612 00:41:38,640 --> 00:41:41,320 you knew what you were getting. 613 00:41:41,320 --> 00:41:45,520 Each one had 56 pages and 24 illustrations. 614 00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:48,840 The price remained the same for 29 years - 2/6. 615 00:41:48,840 --> 00:41:52,040 The price was good, the subject matter was easy to see, 616 00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:55,600 there were levels you could take your child through 617 00:41:55,600 --> 00:41:58,440 and you also knew it was a very safe world. 618 00:41:58,440 --> 00:42:03,360 Over the years, Ladybird books have sold hundreds of millions of copies, 619 00:42:03,360 --> 00:42:06,120 and they've been translated into over 60 languages. 620 00:42:07,160 --> 00:42:10,080 But for most young readers, my sisters and me included, 621 00:42:10,080 --> 00:42:13,040 the main attraction was the illustrations. 622 00:42:16,160 --> 00:42:18,040 HE GASPS 623 00:42:18,040 --> 00:42:20,000 Oh! 624 00:42:25,760 --> 00:42:28,520 I might get slightly emotional looking at that. 625 00:42:32,280 --> 00:42:34,960 That has just made me five again. 626 00:42:36,880 --> 00:42:42,200 The thing that amazes me, I think this is why I got my first Ladybird book, which was this one, 627 00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:45,120 The Story of Henry "V", as I thought it was. 628 00:42:45,120 --> 00:42:48,360 It was the picture on the front and then the pictures inside 629 00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:53,320 that made me say to my mum, "Oh, I want this book." They are staggeringly good illustrations. 630 00:42:53,320 --> 00:42:55,040 They are true artworks. 631 00:42:55,040 --> 00:42:58,840 They are not dashed off, they are things of beauty. 632 00:42:58,840 --> 00:43:01,720 They certainly are, and that's because they were done 633 00:43:01,720 --> 00:43:04,400 by top dollar commercial artists of the time. 634 00:43:04,400 --> 00:43:08,240 Many of them did Ladybird as a sideline while working 635 00:43:08,240 --> 00:43:10,880 for big clients in the Midlands car industry. 636 00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:15,880 Others illustrated popular boy comics, such as The Eagle. 637 00:43:15,880 --> 00:43:19,120 We should make an effort to talk about a girls' Ladybird book. 638 00:43:19,120 --> 00:43:22,480 Maybe, yes. I think this was my sister's favourite, Cinderella. 639 00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:25,280 I may have even read it to her when she was very small. 640 00:43:25,280 --> 00:43:27,360 Do you have the pictures from this? 641 00:43:27,360 --> 00:43:29,560 A lovely picture from the front. 642 00:43:29,560 --> 00:43:35,480 Well, it is very... It's very, very familiar but it doesn't move me in quite the same way 643 00:43:35,480 --> 00:43:39,160 that the story of flight does, to be brutally honest. 644 00:43:39,160 --> 00:43:41,000 I can understand that. 645 00:43:41,000 --> 00:43:45,600 A lot of people find this one incredibly evocative of their youth. 646 00:43:45,600 --> 00:43:49,400 I think she was modelled on Brigitte Bardot. 647 00:43:49,400 --> 00:43:54,280 I really loved Ladybird books, particularly the Cinderella, cos I think it was so exciting. 648 00:43:54,280 --> 00:43:56,200 They were so colourful and vibrant. 649 00:43:56,200 --> 00:43:59,760 She starts off in rags and then she goes to three different balls 650 00:43:59,760 --> 00:44:02,200 in the Ladybird book and there are three dresses. 651 00:44:02,200 --> 00:44:05,960 Every time you turned a page, there was a big pink dress and a sparkly dress. 652 00:44:05,960 --> 00:44:07,000 It was fantastic. 653 00:44:07,080 --> 00:44:09,560 And the third dress, the wedding dress. 654 00:44:09,560 --> 00:44:12,120 That really just made people swoon. 655 00:44:12,120 --> 00:44:15,520 They wanted dresses like that. Yeah, we have girls here... 656 00:44:15,520 --> 00:44:18,400 What, more than the picture of the hot air balloon? 657 00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:21,000 I think it's quite possible. Tosh! 658 00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:23,080 What's your favourite Ladybird book? 659 00:44:23,080 --> 00:44:25,560 Magnets, Bolts and Batteries, actually. 660 00:44:25,560 --> 00:44:30,680 Really? It shows you how to do dangerous experiments. 661 00:44:30,680 --> 00:44:32,840 Did it? It certainly did. 662 00:44:32,840 --> 00:44:35,520 I love a particular illustration - here it is. 663 00:44:35,520 --> 00:44:40,880 Where you're instructed to cut apart a battery 664 00:44:40,880 --> 00:44:44,360 and then you have to lick some kind of battery device. 665 00:44:44,360 --> 00:44:46,720 You use your tongue as a conductor. 666 00:44:46,720 --> 00:44:51,120 And I just don't think you'd be able to do this nowadays! 667 00:44:51,120 --> 00:44:55,960 I always liked the How It Works series. So did the MoD. 668 00:44:55,960 --> 00:44:59,520 They had hundreds of copies of the Ladybird Book of the Computer 669 00:44:59,520 --> 00:45:05,000 printed with plain brown covers so their employees could read it without feeling embarrassed. 670 00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:08,200 The interesting thing is, even when you're an adult, 671 00:45:08,200 --> 00:45:11,440 and you think you're well-informed and technically minded, 672 00:45:11,440 --> 00:45:14,040 a Ladybird book is still the best place to start. 673 00:45:14,040 --> 00:45:16,960 Oh yeah. They wanted to have a book for every subject. 674 00:45:16,960 --> 00:45:20,520 And I think they pretty much did it. 675 00:45:20,520 --> 00:45:25,520 The thing I always admired about the Ladybird books was that there were great social levellers. 676 00:45:25,520 --> 00:45:28,800 They were for the people. Here is a very old one - Things To Make. 677 00:45:28,800 --> 00:45:34,160 And it says, "Children can be kept happily and rewardingly occupied for many hours 678 00:45:34,160 --> 00:45:38,280 "using simple, inexpensive and readily available materials." 679 00:45:38,280 --> 00:45:41,520 So even if you were poor, you could be happy. 680 00:45:41,520 --> 00:45:47,640 In fact, if you could rustle up one onion, a pen and some writing paper, your life was complete! 681 00:45:47,640 --> 00:45:53,720 So let's have a go at making invisible ink for secret messages! 682 00:45:53,720 --> 00:45:57,000 Cut the onion in half and squeeze the juice into a bowl. 683 00:45:58,760 --> 00:46:00,360 Urgh! 684 00:46:00,360 --> 00:46:04,240 It does say in the introduction to the book that these are activities 685 00:46:04,240 --> 00:46:07,080 that will keep children occupied for hours and hours! 686 00:46:07,080 --> 00:46:08,960 And I can see why, really. 687 00:46:08,960 --> 00:46:13,160 "Using this juice as ink, write a message on the paper. 688 00:46:13,160 --> 00:46:15,760 "Allow it to dry slowly by itself. 689 00:46:22,400 --> 00:46:28,800 "Now you can astonish your friends by holding the paper close to the heat from a lamp, 690 00:46:28,800 --> 00:46:31,160 "and your message will appear." 691 00:46:31,160 --> 00:46:34,200 It's still quite secret, this secret message. 692 00:46:34,200 --> 00:46:38,280 Maybe you can only read it if you're wearing a tank-top! 693 00:46:38,280 --> 00:46:42,560 So let's have a go at making a pair of stilts! 694 00:46:42,560 --> 00:46:46,520 "You will need two syrup tins, a nail for punching holes..." 695 00:46:46,520 --> 00:46:49,360 Here's one that my dad bought earlier on. 696 00:46:49,360 --> 00:46:52,200 "Two long pieces of string." Down there. 697 00:46:52,200 --> 00:46:56,600 First of course, because these are new tins, we have to empty out the syrup. 698 00:46:57,680 --> 00:47:00,080 Crikey, this could take a while! 699 00:47:09,400 --> 00:47:12,040 There. People born during the war needn't worry, 700 00:47:12,040 --> 00:47:16,160 because I'm going to use all of that later to make some delicious flapjacks. 701 00:47:19,320 --> 00:47:23,440 "First, punch some holes in the side of the tin near the top. 702 00:47:23,440 --> 00:47:27,120 "Remember to ask a grown-up to help you with this 703 00:47:27,120 --> 00:47:28,960 "or use round-ended safety nails." 704 00:47:28,960 --> 00:47:33,640 Of course, when I was a lad, there wasn't any health and safety. 705 00:47:33,640 --> 00:47:36,600 We used to collect shells on the beach - unexploded ones. 706 00:47:36,600 --> 00:47:40,600 "Next, thread a piece of string through both holes 707 00:47:40,600 --> 00:47:44,280 "of one tin and tie the ends together so that the knot is inside the tin." 708 00:47:44,280 --> 00:47:48,040 And because I've read the Ladybird Book of the Boy Scout, 709 00:47:48,040 --> 00:47:51,280 I'm going to tie the two ends together in a reef knot. 710 00:47:56,720 --> 00:48:01,000 There. There is a modification they don't actually suggest in the Ladybird book, 711 00:48:01,000 --> 00:48:05,120 but that I'm going to make, as I now weigh nearly 13 and a half stone, 712 00:48:05,120 --> 00:48:09,680 which is to put the lid back on, just to ensure the tins are as rigid as possible. 713 00:48:12,920 --> 00:48:14,360 There you are. 714 00:48:14,360 --> 00:48:18,280 Each tin is now effectively, in engineering terms, a monocoque. 715 00:48:18,280 --> 00:48:24,560 So, all that remains is to road test this syrup-tin-base stilt solution. 716 00:48:26,200 --> 00:48:29,160 Ruddy kids these days don't know what they're missing! 717 00:48:29,160 --> 00:48:33,120 With their YouFace and MyTube and video games... 718 00:48:33,120 --> 00:48:38,120 All you need are some tins and string, bit of coal to eat... 719 00:48:41,440 --> 00:48:45,440 When girls get to the age of about 11, something weird happens. 720 00:48:45,440 --> 00:48:50,120 The pink detritus of innocent childhood is cast aside and instead of spending hours 721 00:48:50,120 --> 00:48:53,920 dressing up dolls, they suddenly spend hours dressing up themselves. 722 00:48:53,920 --> 00:48:58,240 In fact, they do something that boys avoid at all costs - they grow up! 723 00:48:58,240 --> 00:49:03,760 When I was secondary school age, I started getting interested in how I looked. 724 00:49:03,760 --> 00:49:06,720 And then your first kiss with the boy, 725 00:49:06,720 --> 00:49:12,000 that was what we all used to concentrate on in the playground. It was such a fascination for us! 726 00:49:12,000 --> 00:49:15,720 You start to see the signs just before Christmas. 727 00:49:17,920 --> 00:49:22,000 Girls stop asking for dolls and start asking for things you don't understand. 728 00:49:23,960 --> 00:49:28,440 Then they start whispering and being secretive about completely irrelevant stuff. 729 00:49:30,520 --> 00:49:34,800 Boys are suddenly left behind by girls, oblivious to what's going on. 730 00:49:34,800 --> 00:49:37,440 Girls suddenly need to talk all the time. 731 00:49:40,240 --> 00:49:43,800 And it sounds like they're saying the same thing over and over again. 732 00:49:45,880 --> 00:49:49,440 At the same age, a boy might still be happy making Airfix Concorde, 733 00:49:49,440 --> 00:49:53,000 you know, the big 77 scale one with the complicated instructions... 734 00:49:54,440 --> 00:49:57,280 The doll's house becomes nothing more than somewhere 735 00:49:57,280 --> 00:50:00,000 for girls to dump their clothes when getting ready. 736 00:50:03,720 --> 00:50:06,200 'For some reason, girls suddenly want to go out. 737 00:50:06,200 --> 00:50:09,160 'And that's when boys who have become dads get nervous.' 738 00:50:09,160 --> 00:50:11,160 Where are they off to? 739 00:50:11,160 --> 00:50:15,320 And it's that growing up thing, the thing that girls do so much faster than boys, 740 00:50:15,320 --> 00:50:19,960 that finally and cruelly shuts the lid on the pleasures of their toy boxes. 741 00:50:19,960 --> 00:50:25,600 Generation after generation of boys will continue to play with their toys until well into their dotage. 742 00:50:25,600 --> 00:50:29,720 But girls - and that includes my two sisters - they miss out on all that. 743 00:50:29,720 --> 00:50:31,960 I think it's a real shame. 744 00:50:38,400 --> 00:50:41,600 I've saved my little sister's toppest top toy until last, 745 00:50:41,600 --> 00:50:45,840 because it's the one that had the greatest impact on my life. 746 00:50:45,840 --> 00:50:50,640 Of all Sarah's toys, it's the one I loathed and despised the most. 747 00:50:50,640 --> 00:50:53,880 Not because it was girly, not because it was sissy, 748 00:50:53,880 --> 00:50:55,400 but because it was crap. 749 00:50:55,400 --> 00:51:01,920 It provided an uninterrupted soundtrack to my childhood that I simply couldn't turn off. 750 00:51:01,920 --> 00:51:03,840 And here it is. 751 00:51:03,840 --> 00:51:08,040 Major Morgan, the electronic organ. 752 00:51:08,040 --> 00:51:09,880 What a piece of... BEEP! 753 00:51:10,960 --> 00:51:14,720 It was given to my sister one terrible Christmas. 754 00:51:14,720 --> 00:51:19,840 I must have been about six years old when I got Major Morgan the electronic organ. 755 00:51:19,840 --> 00:51:25,600 I didn't really understand what it was at first, but basically, it plays nursery rhymes. 756 00:51:25,600 --> 00:51:29,040 When you press different letters, it plays the note. 757 00:51:29,040 --> 00:51:31,520 So you can play Three Blind Mice really simply. 758 00:51:32,800 --> 00:51:36,480 Major Morgan had little cards that you slotted into one end 759 00:51:36,480 --> 00:51:40,000 and these helped you to destroy dependable, centuries-old tunes. 760 00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:43,440 So when you are quite young, it's a really easy way to play a tune. 761 00:51:43,440 --> 00:51:46,320 It was so exciting! I played with it every day. 762 00:51:46,320 --> 00:51:49,760 My brother used to steal it from me and hold it out of my reach. 763 00:51:49,760 --> 00:51:54,640 I think it was because it was really annoying when I used to play Three Blind Mice all the time! 764 00:51:54,640 --> 00:52:01,120 I hated it because back then I was learning music and I knew this wasn't a proper musical instrument. 765 00:52:01,120 --> 00:52:04,080 It has no soul, it has no capacity for expression. 766 00:52:04,080 --> 00:52:07,840 And you can't play proper tunes on it. 767 00:52:07,840 --> 00:52:14,480 It failed as a toy, it failed as a musical instrument and it was fit for no purpose whatsoever. 768 00:52:14,480 --> 00:52:16,720 Except perhaps target practise. 769 00:52:17,920 --> 00:52:21,680 But before we consign the cheap, nasty, tone-deaf plastic major 770 00:52:21,680 --> 00:52:26,960 to the great charity box of toy history, I'm going to give him one chance to redeem himself... 771 00:52:26,960 --> 00:52:29,000 with a special one-off performance. 772 00:52:32,720 --> 00:52:37,640 And to help me, I'm going to have the backing of an enthusiastic school orchestra. 773 00:52:41,680 --> 00:52:44,760 BEEPING 774 00:52:44,760 --> 00:52:47,080 It's out of tune. 775 00:52:47,080 --> 00:52:50,840 Is it a musical instrument? Oh no, absolutely not. It's just a toy? 776 00:52:50,840 --> 00:52:52,120 It looks like a toy to me. 777 00:52:52,120 --> 00:52:53,880 What about tonally? BEEP-BEEP! 778 00:52:53,880 --> 00:52:57,320 It's not a particularly beautiful noise, is it? 779 00:52:57,320 --> 00:52:58,720 It's not very expressive? 780 00:52:58,720 --> 00:53:01,280 No. One sound. Are we agreed it's rubbish? 781 00:53:01,280 --> 00:53:02,840 I think so. 782 00:53:02,840 --> 00:53:06,280 The hour of the performance approaches 783 00:53:06,280 --> 00:53:08,440 and what could be the Major's last stand. 784 00:53:08,440 --> 00:53:12,000 This is the first time I've performed with any sort of orchestra 785 00:53:12,000 --> 00:53:17,560 for over 20 years and I'm playing a very unfamiliar instrument, so I'm actually rather nervous about it, 786 00:53:17,560 --> 00:53:22,160 especially as these people have practised very hard and their orchestra is rather good. 787 00:53:22,160 --> 00:53:25,200 Right, Major, this is your last chance to prove yourself. 788 00:53:25,200 --> 00:53:29,400 So stand up straight, be tonally accurate and don't let these people down. 789 00:54:18,880 --> 00:54:23,840 HE PLAYS "ODE TO JOY" 790 00:55:11,800 --> 00:55:16,520 For 30 years, he was a plastic novelty discarded at the back of a cupboard. 791 00:55:16,520 --> 00:55:21,560 And now it transpires, he's an orchestral soloist. 792 00:55:21,560 --> 00:55:23,920 And I'm absolutely staggered! 793 00:55:23,920 --> 00:55:28,600 David, you're the arranger - d'you think Major Morgan did that little Beethoven ditty... 794 00:55:28,600 --> 00:55:31,360 I was quite impressed. I was pleasantly surprised. 795 00:55:31,360 --> 00:55:34,520 I wasn't expecting it to be in tune and it was in tune. So yeah. 796 00:55:34,520 --> 00:55:38,080 Thank you very much for allowing me to play with your orchestra. 797 00:55:38,080 --> 00:55:41,480 I'm still... To be honest, it made me slightly emotional. Aw! 798 00:55:41,480 --> 00:55:44,320 I got a slight lump in my throat when tune started 799 00:55:44,320 --> 00:55:48,360 and I thought, "Not only is that one of the best known tunes in the world, 800 00:55:48,360 --> 00:55:52,120 "it's coming out of one of the worst musical instruments in history! 801 00:55:52,120 --> 00:55:53,880 "And it still sounds brilliant!" 802 00:55:58,200 --> 00:56:02,600 That astonishing vindication of Major Morgan, the electronic organ, 803 00:56:02,600 --> 00:56:06,280 brings to an end this rummage through my sisters' toy box. 804 00:56:06,280 --> 00:56:09,440 I have weighed up their merits, I've weighed up their faults 805 00:56:09,440 --> 00:56:14,120 and in conclusion, I feel forced to say that my toys were much better. 806 00:56:14,120 --> 00:56:17,560 But of course, I would say that, because I'm a boy. 807 00:56:17,560 --> 00:56:19,960 And more importantly, I'm a brother. 808 00:56:19,960 --> 00:56:22,160 Happy Christmas, everybody. 809 00:56:22,160 --> 00:56:24,280 Right, are you ready for this, Jane? 810 00:56:24,280 --> 00:56:28,640 I think so. Okay. One...two...three...four... 811 00:56:28,640 --> 00:56:32,440 THEY PLAY OUT OF TUNE VERSION OF "LONDON BRIDGE IS FALLING DOWN" 812 00:56:47,280 --> 00:56:48,920 That's terrible! 813 00:56:50,040 --> 00:56:52,680 ORCHESTRA PLAYS "SLEIGH RIDE" 814 00:57:03,880 --> 00:57:06,920 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd 815 00:57:06,920 --> 00:57:09,960 E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk